..爱情..

2005-03-18T18:09:00.000+08:00

BLOG SHIFTED!!!

MY NEW BLOG

2005-03-17T01:11:00.000+08:00

why the hell am i still online? hahas.

alrights. feeeling super duper tired.

wanting to sleep. cos for the past 2 days.

ive got only close to 4 hrs of sleep per day in total.

however. im not gonna sleep until i get something.

haiis. just freaking bored. need some entertainment.

anyone? hahas.. okays. im crazy~

these few days was bad. real bad.

hahas. problems after problems.

cmon. please stop having problems.

im kinda irritated. with myself.

and others. wth is wrong with me man. LOLS.

okays okays. tml is a thursday.

and i will be at home just like ytd. hahas..

im a good girl. aint i? hahas..

nvm. ive still got work to do.

maybe i'll just do them now. hahas..

well well. will be going round the sites to see what i can do.

and. will be doing my sch work too.. at this time. yeahs.

cos you know. im still waiting.

well. good nite all.. =D

baby * honey -

its obvious isnt it? do i have to say much?

a picture speaks a thousand words.. hahas =D

2005-03-16T13:01:00.000+08:00

pictures UPDATES on 14 march 05 *

egoistic, uncivilised pigs at dte mac. =D

miss phebe when we're at her place. =D

2005-03-16T12:46:00.000+08:00

pictures UPDATES on 14 march 05 *

egoistic, uncivilised pigs at dte mac. =D

miss phebe when we're at her place. =D

2005-03-15T00:42:00.002+08:00

back back back. after 2 days of fun. =D

hmm. sunday marhs..
wenta little india with him. not our initial plan huhs.
hahas. our initial plan was to go jogging in e evening.
but but but. hahhas.. its always like this..
well. had a uneasy but quite a fun time there barhs.
headed for chinatown at nite. den home.
reached home quite late. hahas~

then monday. went suntanning for 2 hours?!! weets*
HAPPY worrs. hahaas. i got darker. tanner.. hahas.
not very satisfied YET.
im going for a second round this sat if possible.
den for the third round asap after the second one.
den okays!! i'll be satisfied then. hahas..
met up with my boy at 8pm.
headed down to bedok again. to get his card reader.
goshhies. i wanna change fone!!! i wanna change!!
haiis. disappointed. i love his fone alot!!
i love 7260 also.. haiis. darn it!!
okays. den he wenta eat. i bite on something.
den headed home. no kisses tonight.
im quite late tonight yeahs? hahas..
straight home. bathe. admire my body color.
and online. =D

btw. read so many funny things online..
dont ask me what. i will NOT say.
its for me to know. and for you to find out!! hahas..
alrights.. wont be out tml i guess..
im shagged. wanna go MIA lehs.. hahhas.
wed might meet him for a short while.
same goes for thursday i suppose.
friday going out. celebrate 16th anniversary.
most prolly will spend the nite out. hahas..
its holidays. c'mon.. =)
den den den.
if spending nite out, sat will be at home.
and sunday go tanning!! hahas.
go back to sch with a sexy color. LOLS.

alrights. that should be the plan.
okays pokies. i should be going to get some rest.
im tired. shagged. really tired. well well.
good nite guys. take care =D

haiis. disappointment? but ive gotta put on a smile no matter what.

2005-03-15T00:42:00.001+08:00

2005-03-12T12:21:00.000+08:00

not bad a day. but can be better i believe.
today just isnt my day. haiis~
btw. im currently hooked on like..
britney's hit me baby one more time? l0ls.
not really. but more to mltr's thats why you go away~
haiis. nice and romantic song.. goshhies.
if only there's someone who could send it to me now.

but in any way. i'll have the lyrics up first.
ilovethesong.

baby wont you tell me why.
there is sadness in your eyes.
i dont wanna say goodbye to you.
love is one big illusion.
i should try to forget.
but there is something left in my head.

youre the one who set it up.
now youre the one to make it stop.
im the one who's feeling lost right now.
now you want me to forget.
every little thing you said.
but there is something left in my head.

i wont forget the way youre kissint.
the feeling so strong were lasting for so long.
but im not the man your heart is missing.
thats why you go away i know.

you were never satisfied.
no matter how i tried.
now you wanna say goodbye to me.
love is one big illusion.
i should try to forget.
but there's something left in my head.

sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere.
dont know which way to go.
there aint so much to say now between us.
there aint so much for you.
there aint so much for me anymore.

well. thats about it.
im just feeling upset. feeling rather sick.
not sick physically. mentally i guess. hahas.
im quite sadistic these few days..
people better refrain from making troubles with me.
if pick fight, im in the mood to kill. hahas..
i find myself scary too.. hahas~
crazy girl. okays okays. im going to bed. im tired.
good nite guys. take care =D

2005-03-12T09:51:00.000+08:00

last updated on 10 march. thursday..

well. so im here again.
just feeling a little bored yeahs? hahas..
blogging does kill my time. l0ls!!

early morning and im here. hahas.
got home rather late last nite. bathed n slept like a pig.
since 0000 hrs until like 0915 hrs? oh god.
imma pig. hahahs...
okays. wenta city hall. looked around.
ate at long john's silver.
he had a great time bitching about the service there. l0ls.
sat down. talked. den headed down to bugis.
bought my shoes last nite at bugis. converse.
oh by the way. there's sales in all converse outlet =D
then he and i went to bugis village.
mygod. shopped like crazy. hahahs~
bought lotsa stuff.
and he got me the bangle i wanted for sooo long..
thanks babe. loveee ya =D
and and and. there's a big sale down at perlini's silver too.
hahas. then he sent me home at abt 10 plus??
slackked a little. den went home.
yeahs. tt was ytd. i sure enjoyed myself!! =D

alrights. ive no idea where i'll be going later.
should be chilling somewhere barhs..
hmmm. well. as for now.
i think i should be doing my holiday homework.
as there isnt much. finish fast. dont have to worry so much.
bwahaahs~ kkays.
tts about it.. will update again!! hahahs.
take care guys.. enjoy ur holidays~!!!

lovedd-

2005-03-10T21:24:00.000+08:00

alrights.. im back. hahas =D
sians arhs. everyone siaos de. dont like larhs!!
i du lans du lans narhs~!! arsee.

okays. today wasnt fun at all. grrrrr.
no good no good.
had history test. kinda difficult. but can cope.
hahas. not very difficult actually. LOLS.
den had a short assembly.
and i got back.....

this. =D
hahas.. yeahs. kinda upset. my english.. haiis~
hmmmm. not bad le barhs.. hahas.
overall, im kinda satisfied. yeahs..

well well. im running out of things to say.
my boy should be fetching me from sch tml.
den going out later at nite with him =D
oh by the way. he got his new fone.
his 21st bdae gift from me.
but well, im not that rich. chipped in a little.
about half of it bahs. hahas..
alrights alrights.. cant wait to see him.
and go shop for shoes!! hahas..
take care guys.. good nites =D

2005-03-09T22:20:00.000+08:00

until now. you still dont understand.
maybe its just not meant to be.
maybe everything has been a dream.
just a kind of dream i wanted.
but not a dream that can be a reality.
its time to forget everything.
to wash away all the thoughts.
all those memories.
i should be happy with what ive now.
and you too, should be happy with what youve now.
im just afraid it'll be difficult.
but i'll try.
once gone, forever gone -

alrights. the above post isnt referring to my boy n i.
we're doing fine. still quite fine. referring to something else.
okays~ havent been updating for e past 2 days.
nothing much happened. sch was kinda relax.
just a little stressed up with some stuff.
have been meeting my boy every nite.
mon, tues and even today.
got home at about 11pm daily. hahas.
well. cant really rmb what happened.
but definitely nothing unhappy. =D

okays. today was sch's 5th annual sports day.
booooooooring. hahas.
was dismissed at like 1730 instead of the 1700.
wenta meet him. he sent me home after a drink.
got him his 21st bdae gift le. hahas..
its good i gave him early. its just a chipping in thingy.
chipped in with his own money to get his nokia 6600.
glad hes changing his fone. hahas.
alrights. he kinda excited about it. l0ls.
if it was me, i will be too =) hahas.

hmm. well. that was about it.
sch's as usual tml. no netball training. COOL. hahas.
cos having meet-the-parents session. weets~
den next week holidays. shiok man. hahas.
okays okays. den good.
friday will be fun, i believe. =D
anws. anyone wanna go suntanning?
i wanna go tan myself on either next monday or tuesday.
at sentosa. in the early afternoon.
thats 11 plus close to 12 in the noon =D
i wanna get tanned. hees =D

alrights. im going off. feeling tired.
and im still sick.
good nite guys. take care. sweet dreams to all~

lovedd`

2005-03-06T13:19:00.000+08:00

he said ive got a *oh-so-poor-thing* look.
wth man. hahas~
everything went right the 3rd time he followed me.
hugs. kisses. and the promises.

wenta 24 hours to eat.
saw linkin, deshun, fatt n ah ben.
the other table is jofri n chong yue.
okays. he n i sat down. ate.
crapped with the guys.
he n i went off after eating.
slackked at mama shop there.
due to the hot weather.
when weather got cooler..
we wenta white sands.
bought linkin a lighter for his bdae.
hope he'll like it =D
den headed down to the bbq pit.
met new frens. bbq-ed. crapped.
stayed overnite.
freaking linkin got drunk after 6 cups of diluted whiskey.
tt ass. wanted to slap him awake.
but i dont believe that he's drunk.
i somehow feel that he's too depressed.
and doesnt wanna face the reality. and acted drunk.
got him awake after lotsa violence used. hees*
he n i then slept in the tent till morning. shagged.
morning he went home bathed n changed.
accompany me for breakfast. den sent me to bus stop.

quite a nice day. just spent my day rotting?? hahas.
okays.. the following week will be fun i believe. its holidays!!
ive got the whole one week to catch up with whatever i need to.
and not forgetting to PLAY PLAY AND PLAY~!! enjoy man!!
ive never once never enjoyed during my holidays. hahas~
gonna ton again. cos just nice, 16 months is in the holiday week!
weets~!! goshhies. im HAPPY =D

well. lotsa plans should be coming up soon.
gotta go rest now. headache. need my sleep.
take care guys~ enjoy n see ya around =)))

2005-03-05T01:23:00.000+08:00

came home. reached home around 0030.
with jiejie. wenta tm today..
in a cab. cos i met him.
in a cab with someone i dont know.
shared cab fare with him.
cos going to same place.
but well. he paid a little more..
im terrible, i know that.
okays okays~ back to my sister n tm.
my main purpose is to look for my shoes...
but somehow, in one way or another...
we ended up seeing other things, eating..
and catching a movie. hide and seek.

well. its not bad a show.
but heard from my sis, sixth sense is better.
ive got like scared in the show..
though it didnt turn out to be a ghost story.
which i found out ages ago.. hahas~
stupid me. but well well..
its quite heart attacking. l0ls~
those sudden scenes. those i dont know what u call tt.
hahas. well.. after the show.
we failed chasing our bus.
and we thought there are more servicing.
but NO. no more no. 3 were servicing..
so well. took a cab home.
went on dutch today..
im like broke?? yeahs. broke.

haiis. okay.. i dont know what to say.
im kinda loss for words now.
got my problems not solved yet.
feeling real bad. real upset.
but.. i dont know. maybe..
i dont know.
heve gotta help out in deciding this time..
im lost. very lost.

alrights. gonna catch my beauty sleep now.
gonna wait for him tml at his house area in the morning.
i hope i can see him.
haiis. its one hell load of a long story.. upsetting one.

okays.. tts all le barhs..
good nite guys. take care~

im sorry. im missing you.
iveneveroncestoppedlovingyou.
i still love you.
waiting for you to nod ur head <3

2005-03-03T23:24:00.000+08:00

im BACK for more actions~ bwahahas!!! CRAZY-

had like. math st today. gosh. kinda tough.
but well. its over. just let it go.
if i cant do well, there's always a second chance. =D

skipped netball. wasnt feeling well.
den rest. left my house at close to 1645.
took a bus to sch there. and changed to bus 27.
wenta tampines polyclinic to meet him.
heve got 2 days mc.
accompany him eat. wenta walk at tm..
decided on a shoe to buy. nike.
kinda cheap. i need a shoe as well. lalalas~
den walked around. took a bus back to pasir ris at 2100 plus.
den slackked. and finally went home at 2200.
reached home abt an hour ago.
hahas. now having gastric. wth man.
but well. im NOT gonna eat. if not i cant sleep.
plus im tired. didnt had my nap in the afternoon. l0ls~

well. tml shld be not bad. a quick day bahs.
meeting jiejie in the evening.
go see shoes. l0ls~
den might be meeting him for some schwork revision..
holidays' coming.. hahas~
well well. next week shld be a SHORT week too~
having sports day on wed.
not having lessons most probably..
yupps. haiis!! well~
cant tahan my gastric pain le.
i go orhorhs le.

good nite guys. take care.. tatas`

2005-03-02T19:43:00.000+08:00

alrights~ ive been blogging alot for the past few days.
hmm. lets see. nothing much happened today.
just feeling a little sians. hahas..

had chinese test today. everything was easy..
until the compre part came. hahas..
i everything except for the compre in 15 mins.
slept for 15 mins.
and realised i was left with another 25 mins to do my compre.
i panicked of course.. but i felt more tired. hahas..
was doing real slowly. but managed to fnsh it before 10am.
wasnt in the mood to think out of the box.
guess im gonna do badly for the compre..
feeling disappointed already.. hahas~

okays. den had art after recess.
quite fun. managed to get lotsa marks added.
due to re-doing my previous works.
but i re-do it just once. and got full marks or higher marks.
*getting proud here* l0ls~
art was enjoyable. wont see miss ng until 2 weeks later.
next week we're having sports day.
and the following week is our march holidays!!!
weets~!! have been waiting for this holiday.. hahas~
my brain n i needa break from school, from studies.
school definitely isnt enjoyable.. hahas~

okays. den had geog. weets~!!
scored the highest again..
c'mon. its geography.. hahhas.
how can i not score for geography??
it has been my top scoring subject since sec 1.
i only failed to get the top in class like only once thruout 04'??
okays. maybe twice or thrice. but definitely not more than thrice.
that i can confirm. hahas~
it goes the same for history.. but.. well. i flunk it for end of yr.
its like. i missed out lotsa lessons for spore hist.
and i know no shit about it.
so it wasnt my fault that i was sick n wasnt present in class.
well. just feeling very proud of myself.
first test for geog. ive got 85. a1. hahas =D HAPPY*

okays. what else?? ookays. half the class was gone after geog.
they went for sports heat. like wth. pangsehs me~ l0ls.
had math for only like half an hour. but i wasnt listening.
its as usual... hahhas~
though we had lesson for 1/2 hour. i was checking out phamplets.
phamplets for~ you know.. zoo, birdpark, nitesafari, sentosa.
hahas. i know im a little crazy. but. i wanted to go nitesafari!!!
so yeahs. to go to nite safari ONLY, its 18 for adults.
entrance to zoo ONLY, its 15 for adults.
and entrance to birdpark ONLY, its either 12 or 15 for adults~
for zoo or birdpark n nitesafari, its 25 for adults.
for zoo or nitesafari n birdpark, its 20 for adults.(if im not wrong)
okays okays. enough. hahas. im nitesafari crazy.
wonder why yu ying has those phamplets too.. shes crazy?? =P

l0ls. well well. what else to say..
was walking out with ling after sch.
its been long since i chatted with her.
get to know about lotsa shit. but well.
its just like this when everyone turn their backs to you..
okays.. came home. wanted to go out study..
ended up falling aslp. l0ls...
what a pig. but fnshed all homework.
left with math revision for tml's st. haiis~!!
ive never liked math. im scareddd. haiis...

okays okays. gonna call and ask who can teach me math.
needa revise.
take care guys. tatas`

2005-03-01T18:39:00.000+08:00

l0ls. problem settled. after lotsa talking.
hmm. im back in action?? no-no.
im falling sick again.
cursed tt bitch who wans me to be sick.
bwahahas. im crazy.

alrights. sch was alright. not tt bad. ahhas.
but was feeling tired. as i was sick. AGAIN!!
after sch, wenta cp with florence.
bought 2 bouquet of flowers n chocolates.
for our dearest mr michael headley.
and another lady teaching e other half of e class.
today is our last eng enrichment lesson.
goshhies. now i realised how much i miss mr headley.
a nice guy a nice tcher a nice pa-pa indeed. hahas.
present our skids. took pictures with him.
chitchatting. enjoying the moments spend together.
hes really very nice. he promised to send us e pics we took!!
he's an old guy. that im missing right here at this moment~
he's wife is another classy lady. theyre just a perfect couple!!
gosh. if really time could go back to the past~ haiis!!
he said this is e 1st bouquet of flowers he received frm students.
and he really seem to like our class...
and with no doubts, our class loves him too!!
coming to the end of the session was really sad..
the girls nearly broke out into tears.
and the guys were all like. i dont know. just didnt wan him to go?
all of us just wanna HUG him~!!
we love him. and we believe he love us too~ missyou ALWAYS!!

okays okays~ enough of tt.
if i continue saying abt him, i'll cry.
i really miss him alot.. very very nice guy.
hmm. well. apart from him.
i miss my boy too!! finished my hw.
waiting to revise my chi for tml's test.
hope i can see my boy tonight.
if not, just hope to see him asap.
boyboy i love you <3

okays. gonna take a bath now.
perhaps eat. n call my boy and see what he says.
netball's on tml. haiis.
lotsa rumors going on.. saddening.
dont know if i will be going or not.
just hope nothing of what im thinking happen tml.
take care guys. =D

2005-02-27T23:41:00.000+08:00

just came home from taking care of my boy.
he's sick. very sick.
wenta meet him at his place.
and accompany him.
den peii him go eat. den he peii me wait for bus.
den here i am. hahas.
hmm. got a apple shaped crystal thingy from honey.
its very nice. i like it alot yeahs??
thanks honey. muacks muacks~

well. just feel like blogging. tts all.
no intention of anything.
just had the mood to blog and update.

well. gonna rest then.
rest well n sleep tight everyone.
sweet dreams~

*honey, my angels will look after you.
day and nite. sleep tight.
sweet dreams. hope to see you soon.
miss you le. muacks <3>

2005-02-27T18:49:00.000+08:00

wtf man.
its a sunday. and someone's on strike.
but well. matter settled.
but..
there'll be a hell load of troubles in sch.
aiights. forget it.
its not fully my fault yeahs?
fcuk it. just fcuk it.

okays.
what's so wrong with next sat?? hahas.
mr rayyan's celebrating his 21st bdae.
AND.
mr linkin is celebrating his 18th bdae.
both are important bdaes.
the problem now is..
which to go. like wth man.
damn it. and how the hell.
where the hell can i find the money..
money for gifts??!! mygod~
i regret making so many frens. l0ls~
there will be many upcoming bdaes i guess.
important ones too~ boo!!!
im oreadi so broke.
and here comes all these bdaes.
bwahahas~ wth!!

okays. boyboy is not back yet.
feeling kinda weird. haiis!!
have been slackking my day off. its like.
imagine u sleeping at 4plus in e morning.
waking up at 5 plus. den 7 plus. den finally at 830.
and keep urself awake just to msg ur boy.
and from then, u're awake.
to the market. ur homework. online. sleep. eat.
and finally back online. l0ls~
waiting for boyboy to come back to spore.
tt pangsehs kia. l0ls.

haiis. sians arhs.. booooring.
wondering what shld i do. haiis!!
currently hooked on to the song.. tong hua.
its just so nice can~ haiis.

t0nG hUa.

wang le you duo jiu
zai mei ting dao ni
dui wo shuo ni zui ai de gu shi
wo xiang le hen jiu
wo kai shi huang le
shi bu shi wo you zuo cuo le shen me

ni ku zhe dui wo shuo
tong hua li dou shi pian ren de
wo bu ke neng shi ni de wang zi
ye xu ni bu hui dong
cong ni shuo ai wo yi hou
wo de tian kong xing xing dou liang le

wo yuan bian cheng tong hua li
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

ni ku zhe dui wo shuo
tong hua li dou shi pian ren de
wo bu ke neng shi ni de wang zi
ye xu ni bu hui dong
cong ni shuo ai wo yi hou
wo de tian kong xing xing dou liang le

wo yuan bian cheng tong hua li
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

wo yao bian cheng tong hua li
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

wo hui bian cheng tong hua li
ni ai de na ge tian shi
zhang kai shuang shou
bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
ni yao xiang xin
xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
xin fu he kuai le shi jie ju

yi qi xie wo men de jie ju

though its nice. but its a sad song.
haiis. aiights. still thinking abt lotsa stuff.
stress arhs. hahas~
haiis. wondering when my boy's coming back.
alrights. this entry is long enough.
gotta go den. hahas~
byebye. missya!!

2005-02-27T01:05:00.000+08:00

to stay or to leave?
its as good as saying..
to love or not to love.

2 A.M. and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're tellin me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me

But only love can say - try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough - if we learn to trust

But only love can say - try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'd give our dream just one more chance
Don't let this be our last good-bye

But only love can say - try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

i dont know. im confused.
words tt come out of my mouth may hurt.
i know they hurts. but..
dont blame me.
ive been hurt more than enough.
all i wan is just to be happier.
being happy is a choice. is not a chance.
but for me. its more of a chance than a choice.
bcos nothing is making me smile.
those laughters dont last.
those frenships dont last.
nothing lasts for more than 2 weeks.
and everything gone.
i just wan someone to be there to care for me.
i need people to care for me.
i need people to make me smile.
i wanna be happy.

i will be happier. cos i know ive you.
i will be happier. cos ive gotten rid of those pests.
i will be happier. for my sake.
i promise i will be happier. cos i wan to be...

i wanna live for myself. and not anyone else.
i will only trust myself. cos theres no one else.
i wanna be happy. and i will be. promised -

2005-02-26T13:41:00.000+08:00

well. changed a skin ytd.
did it in a shorttt time. hahas.

okays. firstly..
i wanna thank them who stood by me..
through all the unhappy moments..
for the past few days...
they are ~
jerry korrkorr.
mr kelvin.
cheryl mummy.
nice peeps. always making jokes just to get me smile.
thanks for all the encouragements..
the advices.. the assurance..
really really thanks a million times~

next..
me and my boy survived through it again..
but well. it happened too many times.
so.. yeahs. still thinking about it.
but it isnt taking so much on me anymore..

last but not least..
im now a happier me.
all i ever wanna bother now is to make myself happy.
and im now happier.
i wanna gain back all those confidence.
i wanna be who i once used to be.
and lead a happy and carefree life.
love who i want to. be who i wanna be.
and hate everyone who makes my day bad.
and in return, those people will regret~

i love myself more than anyone else could.
i dont wanna rely on others totally.
cos ive learnt tt in life..
you can only trust urself n rely on urself the most.
i know i can survive on my own.
i have frens who care for me.
and i care for them too.
its not my loss when frens leave.
its them who lose me. not me losing them.
for frens, ive lost a whole chunk of happiness.
now, i wanna love only myself.
i will love MY frens.
but if you ever treat me like shit..
or you think im not good enough for you..
fucking get out of my life.
without YOU, i will still live.
and i'll be happier without YOU.
cos YOU aint important.
YOU showed me what you actually are.
i wont hate YOU. cos YOU make me learn something.
so yeahs. thats about it~

going off. im going out. lalalas~

2005-02-23T22:20:00.000+08:00

wo hen pa. bu yao li kai wo.

i dont know. just feeling very scared.
haiis. baobeii. weii shen me?
wo yi zhi dou dan xin ni hui zou..
ni hui mahs? haiis.

sch life sucks.
everything sucks.
baobeii ke yi care for me more mahs?
hoping.. hoping tt our love will bloom.
hoping tt i will feel more secured.

loveyou.

2005-02-20T00:21:00.000+08:00

im sooooooooo happy. =D
was with honey since 3pm.
met him. wenta mummum.
walked to dte. walked around.
wenta the beach at about 6plus.
slacked till round 8pm.
had lotsa fun.
we didnt went into the beach.
but was sitting n slackking on a bench.
near to the entrance of the beach.
took pictures. sooooo sweet~
love my babyboy. muacks~
den walked everywhere.
sat at everywhere we saw a bench.
hahas. tt was fun.
fancy sitting every 5 to 10 mins.
den headed down to foodcourt.
ate. den to mac. got boy his chicken stuff.
den wenta some voideck.
slackked. hugged. kissed. talked.
talked about lotsa stuff. den went home.
though we didnt move around much.
but i love my boy and i enjoyed today~

will never forget the pictures we took.
so nice. babyboy i love you.
till death do us part.
good nite. sleep tight. sweet dreams..
my angels will look over u everynite.
huggie hugs n sweet kisses~
miss you lotsa. love you <3

ohno. missed chingay. boo~

`19 febb. loveya~

2005-02-16T23:03:00.003+08:00

hey guys, im back!!

okays. for i dontknow how long ive disappeared.
im finally back. leaving the bygones as bygones.
though memories are nice to be kept in ur heart.
but some times, its good to let everything go..

okays. have no idea if today is a good or bad day.
hahas. got new fone. samsung's. hahas.
den got my song. only love by trademark.
i dont know how do i express my happiness.
but its definitely impossible to tell u thru words.
im very happy. hahhas.

well. new year was rather fun.
valentine's day has not much of diff as well.
spent my nite out.
for the past 2 weekdays, ive been like..
out till after 0000?? hahas.
monday i was slackking with my boy.
tuesday wenta watch constantine with him.
nice show indeed. surprising.
it gives one heart attacks. hahas.
gonna catch hide n seek no matter what.
a series of unfortunate events sound not bad.
goshhies. im broke after new year.
there are so many things i wanna do.
using money. hahas~

alrights. have been thinking what to get for my boy.
for his 21st bdae. hahas. stressed.
ive ideas. but dont know. maybe bahs.
still considering. hahahs.

well well. gotta go.
call my boy. talk to him for a sweet while.
sleep tightly. go to school tomorrow.
a real long day. theres netball tml.. haiis.
hoping to see him soon.
babyboy. i love you. always..

m i s s y o u ~

2005-02-16T23:03:00.002+08:00

2005-02-16T23:03:00.001+08:00

2005-02-16T23:03:00.000+08:00

2005-02-02T19:50:00.000+08:00

ni shang tou le wo de xin.
ni ba na zhi zhen hen hen de cha ru wo de xin.
wo de xin yi po shui. ni zhi dao ma?
wo zi ji ye bu zhi dao wo shi fou shi lai zhen de.
dan shi wo zhi dao wo bu neng zhi yang zuo.
ye xu wo yi xi huan shang le ni.
ye xu zhe yi qie zhi shi huan jue.
wo bu zhi dao.
wo zhi xi wang wo men neng hui dao di yi ci.
he ni shuo hua de na yi ci.
yin wei zhi you na ci..
wo cai gan jue dao ni zai wo shen pang..
dan wo cai na zhi shi huan jue.
yin wei xian zai de ni zai ye bu shi yi qian de ni..
wo tong hen wo zi ji he ni gou tong.
wo tong hen wo zi ji yao qu ren shi ni.
wo tong hen zhi yang de gan jue.
ni zhi dao mahs??
wo bu xiang ai shang ni. yin wei wo bu ke yi.
wo zhi xiang zhi dao..
ni you mei you wo dui ni de na zhong gan jue?
wo zhi yao ting dao yi sheng 'you'..
wo jiu man zu le.. ke yi ma??

well. im just feeling like this. pms. l0ls.
nono. it isnt. hahs.
aiights. this kinda feelings sucks biggie.
anws. these few days aint great.
slept earli. woke up earli as well.
but i only turn in at like 10 plus 11.
and woke up at 5am? damned. hhaas.
aiights. have been thinking through lotsa stuff.
ever since.. 1st jan?? hahas.
well.. all these ive to think again..
i needa go. msging jerry. hahas.
missing my boy.

tatas all`

2005-01-30T18:35:00.000+08:00

aiights, was home at like 1230pm?
damn shagged. i need my sleep badly.
but well, i lun. hahas.
cos im entertaining lotsa pple.
bwahahs. im so tired.

okays. last nite sucks biggie.
i didnt regret going there.
but its just tt the pple n time is outrageously bad.
aiights. other than tt...
there is no other problem.
mygosshies. tt place is nice.
but i dont find tt its any worst than ubin??
and it isnt wad i expected as well...
rather disappointed. hahas.
but well, my motive to go there is not to fish..
but to spend time with my boy.
and make him happy cos ive nv like fishing trips anws..
my boy was damn sians. cos its like..
there are more pple there unlike wad tt uncle said.
and boy caught like nothing??
tts like shit?? hahas. disappointing. really..

okays. other than all these factors..
the rest were rather good. i wont say its good.
cos the day sucks cos of some low-down cheapos..
pissed off~!!! bwahaas. aiights. and ohyah.
there isnt any freaking toilets around.
i carried my filled-bladder around for like 14 hrs??
hahas. tts sick. but too bad.
tt place is rather eerie to let go ur 'water'.
be it in the sea or bushes?? haiis.
but when i got back to mainland,
there wasnt an urge to use the toilet anymore. hahas.

aiights. came back mainland.
everyone disconnected.
me n baobeii walked to elias mall.
wanting to eat breakfast.
but but but. no space.
so went back to my area.
ate prata. mygoshhies.
nearly vomit. weird. hahs.
mayb im just not feeling well. hahas..

okays. after tt. boy walked me home.
den he went home. my boy is still slping i guess.
hahahs. tt boy. =)))

okays okays. needa go do hw le.
played games with kelvin for like 1/2 hr.
better go call him and do my hw le. ahhas.

tatas all`

2005-01-29T01:28:00.000+08:00

well. back finally. hahas..

aiights. school's as per normal.
poor jerry got suspended till after june hols.
haiis. kelvin oso sots sots de. hahas.
well. school arhs. my class' more fun.
indeed a fun n crazy bunch. hahas.
aiights. enough about school. tts sickening. =X

have been rather down. i dont know why.
well. today wenta watch bball match at 230.
honey's team with monkey's bunch of pple.
mygodd. monkey's team damn powerful.. hahas.
fast. accuracy. nba standard. all in. co0l...
monkey's quite a nice guy. n ohyarhs.
andrew seemed to change alot. goshhies.
now a typical ahbeng.
e cute japjap looking andrew involves..
and become a typical ginna-bin ahbeng.. hahas.
okays okays. enough.

weets~!! im kinda excited. not coming home tml.
going to coney island. with honey, jofri n anas.
hahas. well. its another offshore island.
which is like ubin. but its just 5 times worst. =.-"
haiis. w0rried. no toilets. n its scary. mygod.
hahas. talking to jerry now. he's like. weird.
quarrel with yinwen. haiis.
well. he's now talking about tt kukupore.
which is his island. hahs.
well. awaiting for a nice day tomorrow.
mygoshhies. nice nice. hahs. wait wait.
and im still waiting =)))

well well. gonna go sleep. damn shagg.
promised baobeii to slp early as well.
meeting him at like 2pm?
for lunch. den slack around. leaving at 5pm..
yeahs. hhas. a nite out.. weets~!!
aiight aiights. gonna go sleep..
tatas all` =)))

2005-01-21T23:24:00.000+08:00

Hitomi Wo Tojite ` Ken Hirai

Asa mezameru tabi ni kimi no nukegara ga yoko ni iru
Nukumori wo kanjita itsumo no senaka ga tsumetai
Nigawarai wo yamete omoi ka-ten wo akeyou
Mabushisugiru asahi boku to mainichi no oikakekko da
Ano hi miseta nakigao namida terasu yuuhi kata no nukumori
Keshisarou to negau tabi ni kokoro ga karada ga kimi wo oboete iru

Your love forever
Hitomi wo tojite kimi wo egaku yo sore dake de ii
Tatoe kisetsu ga boku no kokoro wo okizari ni shitemo

Itsuka wa kimi no koto nani mo kanjinaku naru no kana
Ima no itami daite nemuru hou ga mada ii kana
Ano hi miteta hoshizora negai kakete futari sagashita hikari wa
Mabataku ma ni kieteku noni kokoro wa karada wa kimi de kagayaiteru

I wish forever
Hitomi wo tojite kimi wo egaku yo sore shika dekinai
Tatoe sekai ga boku wo nokoshite sugisarou to shitemo

Always my love
Your love is always in my heart
You're my everything

Your love forever
Hitomi wo tojite kimi wo egaku yo sore dake de ii
Tatoe kisetsu ga boku wo nokoshite iro wo kaeyou to mo
Kioku no naka ni kimi wo sagasu yo sore dake de ii
Nakushita mono wo koeru tsuyosa wo kimi ga kureta kara
Kimi ga kureta kara

my all time favourite. ken hirai's.
right, its gettin late. im getting tired. nitenite.

2005-01-16T01:14:00.000+08:00

aiights. back again. updates.. =D

okays. went jogging in the morn.
with nicole. hahas.
came back. rested. bathed.
did alot of stuff. prepared.
wenta tm to order jie's cake.
den met darling.
wenta sembawang.
honey bought me my all tiem favourite..
kenhirai's cd. sentimentalovers. gosh. MWAHS~!!
mygodmygod. darling i love you loads~!! <3
den helped dulcie bought her eminem's encore.
den... wenta walk around. sit around.
talk crapp. den wenta mac. drink.
then slowly wenta take 81 to serangoon.
walked around there. hahas.
then took 81 back to west plaza area.
stopped for dinner.
had mini steamboat. ohmygod..
we were damn full. its we, not me. hahas.
den suggested to take a walk.
good for digestion. hahas.
den walked around. saw swallows.
not one, not two. but thousands of them.
its the migrating season.. mygod.
it is so upset if you missed tt scene.
tt was definitely a very nice scene.
actually wanted to walk away after awhile.
but... something caught our eyes.
a cat. climbed up the tree. camouflaged.
and caught a swallow close to 20 mins later?
mygod. tt was rather cruel yeahs.. haiis.
* 1 min of silence for tt poor swallow *
after tt, sat around with darling at voiddeck.
wait till the birds rested.
then we walked. walked to mjc.
den we looked at the sky. which was full of stars.
so i suggested to walk to the beach.
went there. hugs, kisses and everything.
lie down on honey's stomach. watching the nite sky.
very romantic and nice indeed.
esp when youre with your love one.
talked, laughed our asses out and everything.
slowly, we walked our way out to elias mall.
got momoko. l0ls. greentea. n kitkats.
i didnt eat much. only 2 small bites. hahas.
im amazed. l0ls. den wenta wait for the bus..
took a bus home.
hugged darling to sleep on the way back.
woke up. lotsa small details.
after 10 mins. wenta roof garden sit awhile.
den sat for 1/2 hr like tt.
den i went down to find mummy they all.
then darling went home =)
called him. and darling's now aslp.
im glad he's slping. he's real tired.
so am i. hahas. wellll.

i seriously enjoyed myself so much today with honey.
today was so damn nice.
no fights no tiffs no nothing.
throughout were just our sweettalks, kisses n hugs.
hand in hand. walked around everywhere.
what else should i ask for man. hahas.
to be with my boy ;
is seriously the most wonderful thing in life.
i love him tt much. i seriously do.
alrights. promised him to slp early.
so im going off. take care guys.
darling i love you. i understand something le.
finally~!! thank god i found you <3

good nite honey. smooches n hugs.
mwahs muacks. sleep tight~!! (>.^)v

[[ 425` finally i realised. thank god ive got you ]]

2005-01-14T18:14:00.000+08:00

yawns* just woke up. mwahahas..
aiights, its time for UPDATES~!!

monday 10 jan 05 ;
im absent for school. hhahas..
monday blues. so i missed school.
with darling. l0ls.
wenta sengkang, found out tt.
the clinic is closed. not opened acty.
den headed down to changi hos.
den to sakura to eat.
funny things happened. hahas.
den wanted to catch a movie..
but didnt cos no shows to watch.
had a small tiff with honey.
but things were fine in awhile's time.
went back to pasir ris.
den sat down and slackked.
went home at 7plus??

tuesday 11 jan 05 ;
went back to school with.....
my fever, cough, flu and headache.
cant pay much attn due to the headaches.
school was a lil boooooring.
but my class' so lame. hahas.
they cheered me up a lil bahs. thanks.
had lit which was booooring.
did reflections, no quiz. hahas.
then had science. booooring.
enjoyed talking to my right n behind. =D
then had chinese. as usual.
english same old stuff.
mrs poh was funny.
math, mrs tey got drifted from lesson. l0ls.
and comp studies suck.
cant touch the comp. goddamnit.
dora n grace came to my house aft school.
funny funny. i fell aslp for 1/2 hr. l0ls.
3 missed calls from honey. l0ls.
they went home at like close to 7pm??

wednesday 12 jan 05 ;
had mass ex. which was torturing.
den some time to waste.
then mother tongue.
then had art. as usual. how can it go then??
geography. did the workbook lorhs. normal.
den mr zaidi came in during math period.
gave us homework. grrrrr.
but 10 mins after he gave homework,
he came back into my class to teach us.
lotsa funny things. sure i did lmao. =)
den had project work. goshhhh.
i actually fell aslp for the whole 1/2 hr.
bwahahahs. im great. l0ls.
had cca recruitment today. boooring.
all sec ones are irritating attitude fools.

thursday 13 jan 05 ;
chinese first, no lesson. tcher's absent.
den had science.
the bloody tcher changed my seat. grrrrr~
then had english. as per normal.
history was kinda boooooring.
how could bernice tey call us scattered brain?
dumb-dontknow-who said he've got no brains.
how dumb can my class gets mann. shit..
den st lesson dont know do wad.
den had assembly. my class arhs... hahas.
den had treasurer meeting.
den had netball training. goshhh. tired. l0ls.

friday 14 jan 05 ;
which is today. had reading period.
which is one period tt cause me to be slpy..
had pe after tt. ran like crazaye. tired.
but more awake. hahas..
den came lit. had quiz. wth.
qns changed cos bloody 2e tell norlinda,
tt 2h told us the answers. then lotsa pple;
had to copy. only lirong got it all correct.
i copied once. tts like wth. tiring man.
took cme lesson to like copy.
cos dorothy yeo's lesson is like this.
its always booooooring. hhahas..
den by the time mrs poh came in for eng,
ive fnshed my punishment. hahas.
den had intellect log-on. funny sia...
gonna role play next week. lmao.
imagine what would come out in a team with..
me, dora, dickson and matthew... LOLS.
stayed back for an hour to like do my journal.
hahas. im so guaii. reached home at 1345 =)
had my lunch. den slept till like..
just when i started to blog? hahas. cools..
imma piggy piggy oink oink. l0ls.
okays okays. i dont know.
ive quite alot of things to think abt.
cos... i dont know. its abt me n him.
its always about us.. haiis..
is things like how he actually has said?
maybe yeahs. gotta think thoroughly..
maybe it just doesnt meant to be...

okays. gotta go bathe. and start with my work.
going jogging early morning tomorrow morn??
or later at nite. well. ending here then..
tatas all` have a nice weekend... =)

is this all meant to be? or it isnt?
youre always confusing me.
youre always stopping me;
from carrying things out..
maybe like what you said.
i will consider. dont worry.
sorry anyway~

[[ 423` life's getting tough right at this moment ]]

2005-01-10T22:43:00.000+08:00

3 days since ive blogged.
here i am for UPDATES..

alrights. the 2 previous days were badd.
real bad.
broken up in a sense with darling.
but lame me thought of something real funny.
LOLS. tts my secret with honey.
things now are much much better.
skipped school today. wenta meet honey.
wenta changi hos. with him.
he got his mc. den we wenta eat at sakura.
its darn funny eating there. l0ls.
darling eat till real full.
cos i gave half of wad i eat to him.
we ate like fried beef kway tiao,
seafood crispy egg noodle and sharkfin soup.
darling ate half of my noodle..
and i got him drank like 3/5 of the soup?? LOLS.
then headed for tm. wanted to catch a movie.
BUT no nice movie. plus ive quite alot of dvds.
soooooo.. skipped the movie.
walked round tm. took bus back.
had a short talk. the went home.
sure enjoyed myself. hahas.
things are sure getting much better.
and its time i change my view of things.
so darling, give me sometime. i can do it~!!
for you, for myself. i'll try my best now =)
darling, have more faith~!! loveyou <3

okays. going back to school tomorrow.
but but but. the headaches just wont leave me.
how sadd. hope it'll go away soon.
well. darling n me are oreadi making plans..
plans for mine n his bdae. hahahs..
we are so so so funny. lotsa funny plans.
darling was notti. and so was i.
made each other blush.. hahas.
my boy's so cute. *muacks*

well. perhaps this time round things'll be better.
and i hope it'll be better.
gonna tell baobeii my plans tomorrow.
hope it'll work out for both me and my boy.

well. and for now. gonna go read friedrich.
and sleep~!! hahas.. shagg.
okays okays. update again sometime soon..
tatas all. weets**

lovemyboy. darlingiloveyou.
hopethingswillbebetter.
hopethingswillworkoutforbothofus.
imtruelymadlydeeplyinlovewithyou.
wewillnotregret.
tilldeathdouspart.
iloveyou <3

[[ 419` truelymadlydeeplyinlovewithYOU ]]

2005-01-07T22:40:00.000+08:00

hey. im back. from a 6 days rest. hahas.

aiights. cant remember much.
not gonna blog all details oso. hahas.
i dont have a superb memory. grinns*

well. just remembered the fun i had..
last nite. before me n honey had a tiff.
the love i was given.
the love i indulge myself in.
the sweet kisses we had.
the warm hugs we shared.
but tt was the only time this week.
i enjoyed myself like this. the only time.

for the past week. things ve been terrible.
darling n i doesnt seem to be on good terms.
tts something im worried abt.
we're more off than on. sadd.

well. but i wanna thank this particular person.
for being there for me this week.
thanks for listening to me crap, complain;
and all kinda nonsense. thanks alot.
though the times u go, i feel upset.
but well. i wont ask for much.
cos at least there's someone there for me.
seriously, thanks alot.
i'll cheer up. i promise (>.^)v

aiights. my feeling's abit weird though.
after like let's say..
2 continuous nights of quarreling.
i began to let myself to get loose,
loose from the fact tt we might separate.
now. ive learnt things as time passes.
ive learnt tt.
loving someone doesnt neccesary ve to own him;
as long as tt person is happy.
if you choose to end this.
i believe its bcos u think u'll be happier.
and if i were to let you go.
it doesnt mean i love you no more.
i still love you and ill still be loving you.
but i wan you to be happier.
if we failed to be lovers, we can still be friends.
all i wanna let you know. is that.
no matter what happen, ill always always love you.
i promise`

if we're meant to be, we'll be.
no matter how long it takes.
how difficult the process' gonna be.
but if we're not meant to be.
we can still be friends right?

but if given a choice, i wont give you up.
i will not give you up unless you need me no more.
i will only give you up if you insists.
and if you definitely will be happier.

well. so. tts abt it. gonna go.
mum's making lotsa noise on the fone.
she's damn loud. im getting headache.
and i cant concentrate on this.
i dont know wad i wanna write.
so i guess ill be going. tatas`

imworriedillfallforyou.itshouldnthavegonethisfarthisway.
makemeconfusenomore.makemebeindecisivenomore.
cosiwannagrow.iwannabeindependent.andmatured.
iknowyoucare.butdontgivemetoomuch.
illnolongerfeelsecuredwhenyouguystreatmeextranice.
itsjustwarnnningme.lettingmeknowthatitsdangerous~
alliwannasayisstillthankyouverymuch. =)

[[ 416` life's still the same. worried. ]]

2005-01-01T21:32:00.000+08:00

happy new year 05' ~!!

hmm. well. let's update~

301204 ; thursday
hmm. returned from town at 5pm.
honey came up to my place.
played gunbound.
cheered my lil bro up. thanks honey.
me and darling then left for town.
skipped my modeling course.
hmm. sad. l0ls.
well, at least uan makes up for it. l0ls.
then slackked around.
darling sent me home at night. hahas.
love darling. mwahs muacks <333

311204 new year eve~!!
met darling at like 7pm.
then i shall not talk about it. l0ls.
just knew i spent time with e guys. hahas.
with darling too. same old bunch of pple.
'04's new year eve suck biggie time.
next year will be better. promised. l0ls.

010105 happy new year~!!
well. darling sent me home.
with me going home at first alone.
then he came along. l0ls.
then had a talk. then i went up home at 11am.
took a bath. called darling.
he slept early. then i went over to mama's place.
then left with dajie to bugis.
then wenta compasspoint.
got my stuff. bought a small gift for darling.
then went home. hmmm..
darling's sleeping again. tired tired*
i hadnt had any good rest for 3 to 4 days straight.
fuck lorhs. school's gonna reopen soon.
i need my rest. l0ls.
well well. 2 hrs and 10 mins more, itll be 2nd day.
2nd day of 2005. hahas.
well. im gonna sleep real soon too. hahas.

alrights. darling's booking in tml nite.
tt sucks. hmm. then ill be meeting darling tml.
meet him for something before he goes back in.
haiis. dont know why suddenly needa go back.
arghs~!! saf got bigg problem. hurrrr.
hmm. tml might be going swimming.
if not, we'll just be chilling somewhere. =)

alrights. discuss tt again when i talk with honey.
gonna bathe and sleep. darn tired.
tatas all. rest well =)

miss my boy. love him. smooches and huggs~!!
muacks. huggies. loveya<3

[[ 410` 010105` darlingimissedyou.loveyou. ]]

2004-12-31T01:05:00.000+08:00

well. wednesday is boooooring..
super ultra booooring. hahas.
hmm. woken up by mum early morn.
cant sleep. did house chores.
watched mvp. slept for an hour odd.
then woke up. e pple came changed e bed.
nicer. slimer. nicer. l0ls.
then helped mum to put everything back.
worked my ass out e whole day.
drop dead damn early tt nite. nahs.. hahas.
had lotsa shit happened tt nite. l0ls.
shant talk about it.
upset memories shall be thrown aside.
unlike those happy-worth-remembering memories.
those are the ones pple will wanna remember.
and talk about it with anyone.
well. slept at like lets say, 0430hrs.
woke up at 0900hrs. bathed. got changed.
headed down to town. l0ls.

got my brother's uniform.
mummy got herself and i a mng top. weets~!!
then wenta find my heels.
didnt find any i like from charlesnkeith n vnc.
how disappointing.
but will be on search for heels again tml!!
gonna buy a skirt prolly.
yeahs. mummy's real kind these few days.
wonder why. hahas.
alrights. today suck.
though it was happey shopping.
like i say, i shant talk about it anymore.

hmm. got no plans for tml yet.
darling's working. meeting him in the evening.
then we're going where?? i dont know. haiis.
prolly, darling n me will take neos. bwahahs.
for how long le sweetie?? l0ls-
we dont know where to go.
prolly catching kungfuhustle.
midnight show hopefully? hahas. see how.
but the night, will be.. hahahs. im not sure too.

well. alrights. im very tired.
gonna go then. update when i come home..
on the lets see.. 010105. mwahahas.. ;)

e bitches whom once seem angels are gone.
they are just a bunch of dumb bimbos who know nth.
nth but playing guys out and think highly of emselves.
they failed to be a bimbo. no large bust. no butt. no brain.
is tt wad a bimbo is? l0ls. dont disgrace the bimbos.
though they arent accepted by everyone.
they are so dumb, they are so dumb.
this is wad ill say. cos saying further on, ill waste my time.
that bunch of i-dont-know-what-things wont understand.
neither are they matured nor clever enough to understand.
so. well kids. grow up.
this world may seems easy to grab hold of. but it isnt.
its time you kids learn. be matured. dumbasses.

good night guys. tatas`

[[ 409` e-nevergrownup-s. saddened` ]]

2004-12-29T01:01:00.000+08:00

alrights alrights.
enough of hearing pple discussing abt e tsunami.
okays. i thought it only happened in like..
the day after tomorrow. the movie. LOLS.
but nahs. this tsunami got real serious.
lotsa pple died. all around asia.
spore is so lucky to be surrounded by...
like indonesia as located in e world map.
great. thank god our area is safe, so very safe.
but its very upset to see so many pple died.
bcos of one tsunami. wad happened?? hmmmm..
im wondering..
mayb wadever theory e movie came up with..
really do happen in real life.
or should i say..
will have a damn high possibility of happening.
after this tsunami.
ive got no idea how bad it is. cos i know nothing.
hahas. i was just too busy relaxing n slping. hahas.

hmm. was out at 1600hrs on 28 dec.
wenta find darling at alantis park.
talked things out. the day was good.
i felt secured once again. seriously secured.
thanks darling.. =)
well. to be in his arms again is sucha blessed feeling.
i just wanna stay this way for life.
i feel great. really great. =)

hmm. pple's coming to like change e bed tml.
will be at home. mayb the whole day??
but darling MAY come to visit the pathetic me. l0ls.
if not, ill stay at home n chiong vcds. wahahs.
thursday im having e last modeling course.
then will be going over to carine's bbq at around 2200hrs.
then going back home an hour odd later??
cos darling would be sending me back.
i dont want him not to be able to catch e last bus home.
then friday would be spending the whole day with honey.
perhaps ill make plans for tt day.
the night would be just for the 2 of us. hees C=
i wanna be in his arms the whole night.
a good night of rest. perhaps. hahas.
depending on where we'll be at.
mayb going to darling's home.
mayb we'll be staying out somewhere outside.
i dont know. tt will still have to ask darling.
well well. gonna go. im getting real tired.
hahas. really hoping things will go the best for us.
darling i love you <3

[[ 407` wishingfora'happilyeverafter'fairytale withyou ]]

2004-12-28T01:05:00.000+08:00

monday; 27 dec 04'

alrights. feeling darn tired.. yawns*
okays. had bbq over at marcus' place.
had a booooring time at first.
but things got hot after some time.
took pictures. nice nice. hahas.
had a very fun time bbqing.
eating actually. l0ls.
well, darn happy.
get to see my long lost fren. l0ls.
tts too kua zhang. hahas.
clique kinda well with marcus' parents.
tts good. l0ls.
well. planned for another bbq next year.
shld be on the same day. prolly not. hahas.
not sure. gotta plan it again. asap.
i dont know why. hahas.
left at about 2100hrs.
siti n i stayed around till 2140hrs.
and me, stayed till 2230hrs den went home.
was waiting for honey's call. very worried.
but till now, he hasnt call.
hope he is really sleeping..

well. had quite a tiff with honey.
tts sad. from last nite till now.
it still hasnt got out of my mind.
im still wondering.
perhaps he just isnt my prince...

i dont know. gotta get some rest now.
gonna go bathe. and go to bed prolly.
if not im gonna chiong vcds. l0ls.
now i realised ive got the mvp vcds set.
bwahahs. have no idea abt tml.
hope tml will be better..
well. just hoping honey would call me.
and im off now. really tired.
well, really hoping for darling to call.
waiting for his call. missing him.
im worrying as time pass.

tatas all`

[[ 406` e trust is gone. pointless. ]]

2004-12-27T13:29:00.000+08:00

sunday; 261204'

hmm. sunday.. let me think..
hmm. shan came to my house to borrowed bag.
i then left with her at 4 plus.
wenta get my hair cut. weets~!!
i like it alot. mwahahas. C=
by the time i fnsh cutting my hair..
its like an hour later.. tts about 1800hrs.
wenta shan's place. then to jes' place.
and fell aslp at jes' place. l0ls.
went d0wn to meet honey for dinner at 1900hrs.
wenta seashell park.
watch e charity show while eating.
sly sang tt anjing. n taufiq sang i dream.
after watching, darling n me wenta seashell park.
sit sit, talk talk and laugh our ass out. l0ls.
went home. played gb with honey. haiis.
end up having a small tiff on frenster. l0ls.
and i end up closing my frenster account.
ytd 0426am. l0ls.
alrights. mayb ill regret. mayb ill not.
i dont know. but if e ending sucks.
i guess i just have to open another account.
thats all. so. well. relax. enjoy~!! l0ls. wth.

m0nday; 271204'
alrights. watched mvp in e morning.
then here to blog.
going out in another hour's time.
to meet up with my pri classmates~!!
weets~!! feeling darn happy.
just hope i wont get disappointment in return.
well, now's tomorrow, ai qing bai pi shu.
nice show. but gonna miss it. haiis.

well, i dont know how things will go.
just hoping n wishing for the best.
and hope things btween me n him will be like ytd;
and the day before..
i just want us to be happy sweetie..

well well. gotta go.
gonna go prepare.. hees.
update again tonight.

until now havent hear from you.
just feeling kinda worried.
worrying tt this' e end.
the trust is not there anymore.
not even a very little bit.
how much disappointed shld i get.
i dont know.
just hoping to hear from you soon.
miss you;

tatas all`

[[ 405` a day of fun, laughters, joy n tears. ]]

2004-12-26T01:21:00.000+08:00

UPDATES~!! C=

alrights.. let's see..

24 dec 04', x'mas eve.
hmm.. grace reached my place 1st.
followed by peishan.
then jeslyn.
then ray and cheryl.
lastly, darling and fatt.

well. this' kinda bad bad xmas.
2nd cocked up xmas with darling..
how sad.. sobbs.
forget it. i believe next year will be better.

okays. slackked at my house.
played games, watched vcds, ate, drank.
then my group of frens left at 2215 hrs.
ray and cheryl headed down to town.
me, darling, grace, jes n shan left for pasir ris.
att went back at 2000hrs due to probation.
when reached pasir ris, went shan's hse.
me n darling then sat down n talked.
then later, we wenta grace's hse.
ate, drank, slackked. was laughing our asses off.
then went out of her house at 0230hrs.
then went back to pasir ris at like 5am.
leaving only me, jes n shan.
reached pasir ris, slackked around.
aloy's gang n 2 guys had dispute. dumbasses.
slacked around. nua nua nua~
shan went home first.
then me to darling's place at 0700hrs.
then jes went home.
was kinda fun at darling's place. was so very sneaky.
l0ls. slept for like 2 hours odd.
then waited for darling to get changed.
then went to 24hrs for breakfast.
reached home at like 1100hrs..

25 dec 04', x'mas~!!
reached home. bathed. waited for hair to dry.
then slept. from close to 1300hrs to 1600hrs.
slackked. then wenta pasir ris met peishan.
headed down to tampines mall.
got carine's birthday gift.
shopped. then slackked around alone.
from 1930hrs to 2030hrs.
waiting for darling to fnsh his show with fatt.
met darling. small tiff.
then walked to sunplaza park.
shant go into details. sobbs.
well. afterall, im glad i didnt leave.
things then went so well btween me n darling.
slackked around. walked back to pasir ris.
then took bus home at 2350hrs.
reached home like at 0015hrs.
bathed. and now here im blogging.
waiting for darling's call to play gb.
but dont know if he's aslp or not. gotta check.
but dont know how to. perhaps asking jofri again.
haiis. okays okays. im getting sleepier. hahas.
dont know if tonight eh tong. hahas.
well. dont know what are my plans tml yet.
guess ill be guaii. l0ls.
will update again. hahas..
alrights. im gonna check if darling's awake.
tatas all` enjoy yeahs.
hols' ending. sobbs.
tatas`

[[ 404 days. i realised it. finally. <333>

2004-12-24T03:59:00.002+08:00

x'mas eve~!! (>.^)v

ohmygosh.. im darn tired. darndarn tired.
well. just done packing my room..
at least its now much better, so much neater.
despite the time n effort ive spent. l0ls.

alrights. had modeling course on thurs.
was a fun fun one. hahas.
i like the way nixem dressed.
shirling's going to paris today. yeahs..
darling then came to fetch me..
wenta p.p to eat.
den sat down talk talk..
den darling sent me home.. C=

well. darling's going for a run at east coast later.
with his camp. hahas.
den he's gonna renew his passport at tampines safra.
cos he's flying this 25 dec. haiis..... well~
he den come meet me... weets~!!

well. guess peishan's coming over early.
hope jes n grace will come early too..
then we're gonna like watch vcds throughout.
since ive done my job which is suppose to be done later.

cant wait to see my girlies n my boy.
cant wait to start the fun.
cant wait to start partying~!!!
cant wait for the bbq later..
and definitely cant wait for things to get hot tonite.
bwahahs.. hope my day wont get ruined.. *winkss

hahas. well well. my brother's bdae is over..
happy bdae boy, study hard, play hard!! all e best!!

hmm.. well.. everyone have a nice n warm xmas..

to my darling laogong..
i just wish for things to go e best for us from now on.
no more quarrels or wadsoever..
e road of love is never easy..
i believe we will be together till death do us part.
missing you. iloveyou <333

to all my girlies..
thanks babes for everything.
all the best to you girls.
im here 24/7. just give me a call.
and ill be there.. rock on!!

to all my guys..
thanks handsomes.. hahas.
thanks for everything..
all the best.. and you guys rock!!

to all my new frens..
thanks alot.
for making me know tt u guys are there.
just wanna wish you guys all e best..
im here always in return..
take care.. lovedd`

okays okays.. im really shagged.
going off then. tatas` enjoy~!!

[[ 402 daes of love.care.fights.quarrels.loveyou ]]

2004-12-23T01:59:00.001+08:00

21st dec 04'
well, celebrated this Dong Zhi.
chinese festival. ate riceball dumplings.
nice nice. i simply love my mommy!!
was a good girl. didnt went out at all. hahas.
good girlie. but day wasnt good as well.
shant talk about it.
i just live life as it is. and i sleep my night off.
at 3 plus. hahas. thats ME.

22nd dec 04'
okays. a wild and fun day.
but i didnt really enjoy myself.
mayb only for the part..
where i shake like no one else's business,
when i dance and shout all my problems away..
had this high tea dance party with e girlies.
at planet paradium. at spore shopping centre.
yeahs. its a discotheque.
kinda small. not big enough. hahs.
the dance floor was pathetically small.
i shall comment no more. well.
the first music suck. ketchup song. ooohmygod.
then came a damn happening song. i like it. iloveit.
its Let's Get Loud if im not wrong.
i went crazy after that.
was dancing n shaking for like 4 to 5 hours straight.
non stop dancing with high heels.. weets~!!
the music got worse as time pass.
but it got nicer when its coming to e end of e dance marathon.
played games with the girlies. took pictures. and stuff.
had a fun time shaking bahs.. hhahahs.
i never know i could shake so well. hahahas.
okays, not say well. perhaps it just tt i could shake. l0ls.
after we got out of planet paradium, our legs gave way. l0ls.
sat down and slackked. for awhile while.
den headed down to town.
got my xmas' gifts for ba0beii and brother.
yet to get for grace and april. yupps..
2 more to go. hahahs. by tomorrow. yes, tomorrow.
ate at macs for dinner. went home after that. yeahs.

23rd dec 04'
happy 10th birthday boy!!

its just another night of tears..

alrights.. got this from bullentin board.
it goes:

Don't let a boy cry.
If a boy cries in front of you,
it means that he couldn't take it anymore.
If you took his hand,
he would stay with you for the rest of your life;
If you let him go,
he couldn't go back to being himself anymore.
A boy won't cry easily,
except in front of the person who he love the most,
he becomes weak.
A boy won't cry easily,
only when he love you the most,
he put down his ego.
Girls, if a boy cried bcoz of you,
please hold his hands firmly,
he's the one who would stay with you for the rest of your life.
Girls, if a boy cried bcoz of you,
please don't give him up,
maybe bcoz of your decision,
you ruin his life.

To my friends...Ponder this message seriously.
Don't do this to a boy,
You may regret for the rest of your life.
Maybe in your life,
he's the only one that love you the most.
Remember this lesson...

This message originally forwarded from a friend of mine,
who share most of my personal problems.
This message reminds me what my ex-Girlfriend did to me last time.
Sometimes she would sms me asking me to forgive her.
I asked her, is that really important to you?
She said yes.
Bcoz she wants to feel better, after lying to me.
She did break my heart.
I took 10 months to forget this heartache.
Even though, we couldn't be lovers,
I really hope she finds someone better than me.
Here, i just want to let you know,
i forgive you for all what you put me through.
Although, i cried bcoz of you.

its meaningful. the meaning behind it touches one.
this somehow gave me things to think about.
gave me some assurance.. i dont know if this' for real.
but i hope i wont be wrong anymore.
cos i believe in it...

alrights. a tiring lame night. stupid night.
very tired. gonna sleep soon. quite a long entry.
hmm, but up till now, audrey had yet to reply me thru msn.
guess she's busy with her boy.
so well, guess gonna talk to her tomorrow. hahs.

hmm. having 2nd last modeling course tomorrow.
before that, im going to like buy gifts.
im prolly chilling somewhere with april?
then going to lesson earlier. yupps.
den wait for my king to fetch me home. yupps.

brother's birthday.
boy, be smarter. study hard.
quit eating so much, itll be good for you.
take care and yes, be smart, be quick. all the best!!

alrights. im late.
late for some promise. sorry*
gonna go orh orh now. really shag.
rest early. tatas all`

[[ 401 days. we're too close n it causes problems. ]]

2004-12-21T17:40:00.000+08:00

i dont know.
im getting very tired.
im tired of worrying yet get reprimanded.
im tired of you being so irresponsible.
im tired of being a fool.

being unable to accompany you to e docs,
i used to feel very upset. but at least,
at least you arent like this.
but now, you bother about nothing.
but only about the vcds im lending you..

it seems so no link.. but..
now i feel nothing when youre gone.
im worried, yes i am. but it means nothing.
nothing anymore... why?? tell me why..
tell me why.. i hate the way things are going now.

if only you know, how upset i am.
i hope you will change n make me a lil happier.

being together for so long..
i make mistakes.. you make mistakes..
but wad is important is tt we're willing to change.
to change for the better for one another..

time passes so quickly..
im beginning to grow tired due to the changes.
the changes tt makes me wanna leave as days pass.
why?? sweetie, tell me why..

i once thought we could be together for life..
and have a happily ever after's fairytale..
but now, looking back at those naive thoughts..
i cant help laughing at myself and call myself a fool.

for the past 1 year 1 month n 3 days..
the stories have been repeating themselves.
the fairytale has no more pages to flip,
yet e both of us arent writing more pages,
more pages to let the story continue.
we arent giving ourselves any chances.
but no one wanna say anything..
what we've been doing..
is just letting the story to repeat..
the characters in the story,
the people reading the book,
will eventually find it boring,
and will just decide to change a book..

mayb you dont find it boring.
mayb youre sastisfied with this..
but im not.. im tired of this..
i wanna create more pages with you..
but are you willing??
if youre not, let me know..
ill leave and find my new story.....

i dont know.. perhaps its time to say goodbye.
perhaps its time to let go..
or perhaps its time to search for a new fairytale..

darling.. i dont wanna live without you.
darling i cant do without you.
darling i dont want to be without you.
a day or two, i cant bear to..
give ourselves a chance to change for the better.
let us create a better n happier future.. alrights??

i still love you..
let me see some hope in our relationship..
never forget.. our promise..
till death do us part...
love you.. <3

>-(¯·b a b y + d a r l i n g·¯)-->

our story begins on e 18 nov 03'
our story only comes to an end when we die.
loving you. loving you. loving you. loving you. loving you.

2004-12-20T22:20:00.000+08:00

well. im really upset. very upset.
supposedly, im meeting my boy.
but he didnt get to stop in time.
so ended up at seletar camp area.
now, back at pasir ris.
i dont know. feeling kinda tired.
tired of all kinda nagging n stuff.
frustrated. i really am..

i dont know. felt upset by his words.
he said.. my life really sucks..
he told me tt before we got together.
and after we got together..
for so many times..
i dont know i dont know.

for now, there's something on my mind.
i somehow came to some kind of decision.
but will it happen or not, im not sure..
it might, it might not..
ive got nothing to say about this yet..
everything's yet to come..
i doubt you arent gonna bother even if it happen.
it seems like i can predict wad will be happening.

you told me hahas..
positively, u wont touch ciggies for 2 weeks.
negatively, a few days.. hahas..
you yourself gave me a date..
which is before 25 dec 2004.
but if you arent gonna even fulfil wad you say.
i wont have any regrets in my decision.
though i know you wont come back..
i dont know.. ive been thinking..

yes, ive changed. but you did too.
i no longer know you..
cos you aint the johan i once used to know.
youve changed so much overtime..
i see no point in our relationship..
wanting to give up..
but i cant help looking back at e memories..
knowing tt we once used to be e happiest..
i dont see a point why we cant now..
tell me why im feeling like this..
tell me why...

hahas. i doubt i can get any answer from u.
so, well.. im somehow giving up deep inside.
all i know, all i can say is..
you aint like this before.....
you aint like this..
the feelings i got from you now..
the feelings im feeling now..
is so very different..
you made me feel like..
you're just another typical guy out there.
i once thought you were special.. real special..
but why things have to go the other way now?
tell me why.. ive e right to know why..
i wanna know why..

the tears wont stop dropping for you..
but it gradually stops in no time..
why is this so?? mayb its bcos of what you told me.

well, i realised ive become mentally weak.
im no longer tt confident..
pple usually cant put me down no matter what..
but they now could easily do so..
haiis.. dont know what's up with me..
i really dont know.. haiis..........
so damn frustrated. irritating..

but.. will i really be happier after tt??
or am i happier like this??
i really dont know..
perhaps.. mayb.. perhaps..
ive got no idea...
i cant see the future..
be it with him or not.. well...
forget it.. im going off..
perhaps resting early..
perhaps gonna just lose another nite of rest.

tatas all`

are you really like this?
or are you putting up a front?
or is this just another scam?
ive been wondering..
let me know.
let me suspect no more.
let me think no more..
why... as day pass..
i find more reasons to leave,
than to stay.. no offence.
but im feeling this way..
give me a reason to stay,
if you truly love me..

2004-12-20T13:56:00.000+08:00

UPDATES~!!

18 dec`
went out my house at abt 8am.
met darling at his place..
headed to 24hrs for a drink.
headed down to the mrt station.
then to sentosa~!! weets~

reached sentosa like at 11 plus.
headed for lunch at bk.
den walked around.
then took a bus to siloso beach.
actually wanna go to palawan. but..
okays. ahahs. shant talk much.
went there. din do much.
went into the water.. came up..
sat down. watched e guys bball-ing.
it rained. slackked around.
went off at like 3 plus 4pm.
saw sean n his fren.
wenta had dinner at e hawker centre.
jun teck went home..
terrence darling n me wenta e shopping centre.
slackked. took 100 to queensway.
walked around. took train back to pasir ris.
wenta terrence's place. slackked.
stayed over. went home in the morning.

19 dec`
came home. bathe. ate. slept.
woke up. headed down to pasir ris at 4pm.
slackked ard alone. had a talk with deshun.
met darling. didnt talk. had a small tiff.
got okays. sat around n talked.
den back to punggol. slacked at garden.
den darling went home.
helped sis' wrapped xmas gift.
received mine.. so cute... hahas.
sis bought me a small hangbag.. mwahs~!!
so nice worrs. hahash..
den slept at like 0000hrs. hahas.

20 dec`
woke up at 11am.
just in time for mvp valentines. sad sad.
den watched dumb shows. and now, blogging.
dont know what to do.. slacking prolly.
or just head down to like compasspoint? l0ls.
hmm. tml's going town. appointments..
plus searching for gifts.
thanks to my sis. i noe where to get gifts.
wahahahs. okays.. feeling bored.
haben hear from dear the whole day.
there's a miss call from someone i dont know.
wondering if tts darling.. haiis..
worried. just hoping he would call me soon..
alrights.. gotta go gotta go.
im going back to sleep. tired.. hahas.
see how yeahs?? and ill blog again..
tatas all`

missing my darling. where are you sweetie?
hope to hear from you soon. i miss you. ilu`
mwahs <3

[[ 398 daes. missing you. ilu` ]]

2004-12-18T04:56:00.000+08:00

aiites. like wtf. im pissed.
so very pissed. fucking hell.
alrights. im pissed. so pissed.
fuck fuck fuck.
now ive got no mood for tml's trip.
i wont have mood in any way.
once its ruin, its ruin.
guess im giving it a miss.
if not, the guys' gonna see my face.
black face. burnt face. a face of anger.

pple here trying to show more concern.
you dont appreciate, yet i earn some crap scoldings.
fuck. was trying to let you know how much i worry.
but no, instead, i was misunderstood. fucking hell.
i oreadi told grace. u will be like this.
yes, you proved me right. thanks ah..
im fucking pissed.
if i were to sleep now, i wont be able to wake up early.
i dont know what is your fucking problem.
but all i know is tt you're happier with ur frens than me.
youve proved me right afterall.
from the previous entry until now.
ive been trying to think tt things will go good for this outing.
but no. you oreadi ruined it. why??
meeting so darn early, ask you to be home n rest early,
oso so difficult. cycle all e way to changi to eat.
i wondered how much i actually meant to you.
asked for a nite out for cycling. plan failed.
my enthusiasism all gone. and now.. i dont know you.
i really dont. fuck ffuck fuck. now at teck's place.
hahas. at first when you left my area,
you told me you'll be home early to rest.
den came the supper.
let you go. n you asked for more.
you're far too much. im worried.
tts why i didnt go to sleep. n i got scolded for tt.
thanks mister johan.
its so fucking difficult to get you home early just to rest.
and now, my mood is like this.
rest assured i'll have attitude for the rest of the day.
you know me. dont tell me you dont.
thanks alot mister johan.

well. if im going to bed, i definitely cant wake up.
but ive got nothing to do now.
it seems like you have oreadi go into ur dreamland.
so, there's nothing i can say oso.
im just still very fucking pissed.
i dont know what is your fucking problem.
crazyy. im glad i didnt cried for long.
well. decision made.
im going to bed. which 90% mean tt im not going.
im very pissed. GOOD NITE. fuckyou.

2004-12-18T01:13:00.000+08:00

happy 1 year n a month sweetie. smooches`

aiites. was at home like the whole day.
till like 2100hrs. wenta meet darling.
walked to p.p. saw john n co. tt fool.
he just cant stop suaning me. hurr.
right. den wenta have a drink.
see darling play ball. yupps.
hes really happy when hes playing ball.
den wenta sit n talked abt some stuff.
planned abt tomorrow's outing to sentosa.

waking up like at 7am??
going to sentosa like at 9am.
gonna tan for 3hrs. back n front.
den gonna play in water.. yeahs..
den going back at like evening.
den might be going to suntec...
cos its gonna be open till like 1am.
yupps. spore very first time. l0ls.

alrights. a sudden lost of mood.
cos i somehow know how things will go tml.
and im darn upset. haiis..
haiis. haiis. haiis. sad sad.. why??
i hate myself. im just hoping tt im wrong.
will i be?? please god. please let me be wrong.
very wrong. very very wrong.
i dont wanna get back to my strange self..
but tml is just another chance. it will be, i guess.
i aint feeling good.
cos i somehow noe tt things will go wrong.
i have no fucking reasons why. fuck man.
why wont i just die. fuck fuck fuck!!!

fuck it. im feeling so confused.
dont know. fuck it. im going to bed.
tatas all` rest well. sorry.
hoping tt tml will turn out good.
i hope.

somehow knew tt tml wont be good.
but i had no way to escape from it.
it will be. sorry for having these doubts.
im really upset now.
i will be if things goes the way i think.
darling, promise me things will go my way tml.
promise me. i cant take it.. i really cant.
promise me not to hurt me.
promise me it wont happen.
promise me...

[[ 396 pages` happy13anniversary, sweetie. ]]

2004-12-17T01:55:00.000+08:00

hmm. today isnt any good day. sighs*
alrights alrights. me n darling had a little problem.
but its solved by now. thank god. hahahs.

well. was out with grace for lunch at kfc.
im really sick n tired of kfc by now. urghs~!!
hmm. den met darling at like 4pm.
i was punctual. finally. l0ls.
alrights. wenta catch National Treasure. 5/5.
a show worth watching. go catch it. yeahs~!!
skipped modeling course somehow. sighs*
but i guess we didnt do much like today.
prolly on walking just. yeahs..
after movie, slackked around.
peii darling to have dinner.
then took number 3 from tm to my house.
hmmm. stopped a p.p. den walked back.
sat down to have a talk too. yeahs.
hmm. had a very small tiff. but was fine soon.
yippies.. hahas. alrights. im crazyy. l0ls.
yarhs. den sit down awhile more till 2330.
then i went home.. yupps.

hmm. nowhere to go tomorrow i guess.
prolly get people to accompany me bahs. hahas.
hmm. prolly grace? l0ls.
den gonna like slack n sleep the whole day.
then yarhs. see how.
prolly honey will pop by my place in the evening? yeahs.
hahas. hmm. feeling so so so kan chiong. dont know why.
i miss my sweetheart baby.. alot. hmmm.
sweetie, where are you? i misss you!!!

alrights. hmm. saturday prolly going to sentosa. weeets~!!
gonna get myself tanned again. hahahs..
going with darling, terrence n mayb grace?
hahahs. yeahs. im gonna tan myself with darling.
darling's gonna accompany me throughout. hahas. love you.
well. and mayb at night gonna go suntec to walk?
heard tt it'll be opening till 1am due to xmas. hahas.
yupps. i dont care.. i wanna go.. darling~!! hahas.
well, bo bians. ive to get the gifts.. yeahs.
from 12 gifts, its gonna be like 5 gifts. yupps.
for my honey n 4 other girlies. yippies!!
love you honey. n you girl rocks. whahahs.

well well. im getting tired. wondering wad to get for them.
currently entertaining joan who is interested in modeling.
hahahs. she'll be joining. plus my pitching n stuff.
im gonna get like close to a 50 bucks just by her. whahas.
woos. hahahs. den some other pple oso. wahahs.
sihong's gonna get the 30 bucks one. yupps.
alright. experience do really count. yupps.
alright alright. enough. gonna go then.
im really tired. tatas all. rest well.
esp. my sweetie. sweet dreams. smooches n hugs..
kisses all over you.. mwahs muacks <3

[[ page 395 time 0217 wishingforahappilyeverafterfairytale ]]

2004-12-16T01:19:00.000+08:00

edited*

last nite was disappointing. l0ls.
only darling n i knew why. hahas.
both seh-seh couple. l0ls.

alright. managed to get darling meet me.
hahas. evil me.
and he end up not meeting his fren. sorry.
well. went bball court n badminton court.
i found myself getting alright. winks-
alrights. this gonna be short.
darling's not working tomorrow.
meeting up with him i guess. hees.
i just cant stop missing him...

hmm. well. pissed with my dad.
unreasonable freak. pissed~!!

haiiyers. just done bathing at like 1am?
hair's yet to dry. waiting.. waiting still...
well. browsing thru frenster..
wondering if there's anything nice to see.
but sadly, no. haiis. sadd.
well. april's not online either.
fnshed herworld like last night?
no show to watch.
darling's sleeping i guess. my boyboy..
well. kinda frustrated.. haiis. forget it.
guess im going to like bed soon? im bored.
hahas. feeling tired.
just fnshed a round of debating. l0ls.
with some dumbass alright.
its just like e annon.
useless bitch n bastard.
why dont they get married huh? l0ls.

alright. enough of my crapp.
gonna go catch my beauty sleep. hahas.
tatas all. im tired. finally!! wweeeetsss~!!

miss my boyboy. love my boyboy.
worried for my boyboy.
i love you sweetie.
looking forward to our new story.
looking forward to e celebrations with you!!
smooches and huggie hugs~!!
mwahs muacks~!! ilu <3

[[ page 394. a new beginning. lovedd` ]]

2004-12-14T23:25:00.000+08:00

yippies~!! later gonna have sweet talk with honey.
our midnight deal. l0ls.
guess we're the craziest couple ever..
to wake each othe rup in the middle of the night just to talk.
l0ls. crazy couples.. weets~!!

alrights. had a small tiff with honey.
but everything's alright. hees X)

funnily. i was found on frenster.
then tracked down to my old msn a/c.
okays. at first was asked to join elite models.
but things sounded weird.
i dont sorta believe hes e heir of elite models' boss.
well.. tt guy asks me to be an escort as well.
then i was like what the hell.
he says is easy money. and its obvious. like DUH~
escort okays. haiis. shithim.
i feel so cheated. l0ls.
and got all kinda scoldings from tt shithead.
then after scolding. he blocked me. like wtf!!!!
okays. shant talk about it le.
im still pissed with him lorhs. bloody hell.
im not born to get insult by you. dumbass.

okays. was invited to carine's bdae party end of year.
just one day before 31 dec.
her bdae was suppose to be on 31 dec..
but. well. everyone's gonna go countdown i guess.
hahas. great.. thinking of what to get for her..
since im invited, just turn up bahs.. hahas.
its good to be close with the seniors.. no motive..
find her reali very nice lady whom one can talk to..
unlike some other bitches in school. l0ls.
alrights. im just so honoured. hahas X)

okays okays. really cant wait to get crazy with honey.
hes soooooooo superrr duperrr cute..
what a cutie. what a sweetie. i love him to bits..
oooooh baby.. smooches for you <3

alrights. missed darling.
though its just 5 mins since we hanged up..
okays okays. shant be like this here. tts too mushy. l0ls..
alright alrights... im gonna go bathe. and sleep.
and wait for my crazy honey to call me 3am to 4am in the morning.
hahas. cos we're gonna talk till its time for him to go to work.
mwahahas. arent we just crazy?? l0ls..
its okays. havin a change of time in life is good at times. l0ls.

btw. im going zoo with darling n his campmates on the 22nd.
the camp organised this outing. like at 9am?? wth.
im gonna missed mvp valentine. ooooh. so sad. its okays.
its nice too. to peii darling so early in the morning. hahas.
okays okays.. and its good to accompany n mix around with his campmates.
an advantage.. hahahs.. alrights.. im looking forward to it.. loveyou`

alrights. im going to like town tomorrow?
finally. its been a week odd since i stepped in town.. hahas..
okays. going back to work. hahahs. no larhs. just popping by. hahas.
and... going around to see what to get for xmas' gifts as well. hees.
i noe what to get for honey. and im so happy about it. i have no idea why.
im just another female perve out there. l0ls.
im joking. hahahs. my budget for gifts shall be.... shhhhhh~!!!
its a secret.. hahahs. okays. tts about it.. im gonna shop for whose presents first??
i dont know. i shall see. l0ls. needa buy wrappers oso. shucks. okays. tt will be cheap.
alright alright. gonna go catch a bath. tatas all`

[[ 393 daes. mwahs muacks mwahs muacks!! ilu` ]]

2004-12-14T01:55:00.000+08:00

im back!!

bored. bored.
back. unhappily. l0ls.
alrights. wenta meet darling in e evening.
hahas. cheerios. had a nice time tgt.
though short. hurmps...
well~ sudden urge of wanting to stop darling..
from going work tml.
naughty naughty.. shall not be a bad girlie. sadd`
well. just wanna set aside a day..
just for dear and me.. hols fnshing soon.
gonna return to school in no time.
and tts borred. hahas. dread going back to school.
but bo bians. haiis~

well. meet up with dear, toked abt lotsa stuffs.
after he ORD, he wanna go australia to work.
work for his campmate's company.
as well as to get a degree there.
tts a matter of like 3 to 4 years later..
we shant talk about it now..
cos no matter what...
i have no intention of letting him go..
i cant bear letting him go even for 3 days..
how is it possible for him to be apart for like..
at least 3 years plus 4 years to complete his degree??
cum working? and if he finds it nice there (definitely will),
how is it possible for him to return??
i dislike long-distance relationship..
cos it doesnt give me enough sense of security.
just imagine not having anyone there when you're really down..
just imagine not having him when sth reali bads happen to you..
how much terrible can things be??
im only 13.. is this what i must get over with in a relationship?
i dont think so... well, as i said.
its another 3 to 4 years matter.. lets put it aside first..
i dont want this to affect my mood.. but it has already affected..
im such failure..... sorry darling..

well. i dont know what else to say..
time passes so slowly.. a min seems to be like an hour to me..
what's happening?? haiis.. i dont know.. am rather confused..
but nothing should bother me now.....
cos there's still a long way for me to go to reach tt 3 or 4 years period..
well. everything seems to be quite true about what e fengshui man said.
when im in btween 16 to 17, my love life will have alot of problems..
hahas.. one of it came out already..
i just hope i wont make a wrong decision tt will ruin my future..

well well.. getting kinda tired.. shall get a break..
nites.. rest well.. tatas all`
darling i miss you.. ilu`
mwahs muacks <3

one problem gone, the other come. tired of life..

baby+darling ("v") 141204 392 days 1 year 26 days` lovedd ("v")

2004-12-12T02:31:00.000+08:00

im going MIA again.

to you.
it is something ive never wanted to say.
but, instead of keeping quiet.
and let things remain like this,
i said it out.
i thought it will help me to clear my doubts.
but.. afterall, i expected this outcome long ago.
i'm not very shocked though.
but well. its the end of story..
nothing more, nothing less.
we owe each other nothing anymore.
do take care of yourself.. i still lu`
[[ 12 december 04' 0223 hrs ]]

tatas` take care. miss you <3

2004-12-11T19:57:00.000+08:00

Last Christmas by Wham

last christmas i gave you my heart
but the very next day
you gave it away
this year to save me from tears
ill give it to someone special

last christmas i gave you my heart
but the very next day
you gave it away
this year to save me from tears
ill give it to someone special

once bitten and twice shy
i keep my distance but you still catch my eye
tell me baby do you recognise me
well its been a year it doesnt surprise me

happy christmas
i wrapped it up and sent it
with a note saying ' i love you '
i meant it
now i know what a fool ive been
but if you kiss me now
i know youd fool me again

last christmas i gave you my heart
but the very next day
you gave it away
this year to save me from tears
ill give it to someone special

last christmas i gave you my heart
but the very next day
you gave it away
this year to save me from tears
ill give it to someone special

oh, oh baby

a crowded room friends with tired eyes
im hiding from you and your soul of ice
my god i thought you were
someone to rely on
me i guess i was a shoulder to cry on

a face on a lover with a fire in his heart
a man undercover but you tore me apart
ooh ooh
now ive found a real love
youll never fool me again

last christmas i gave you my heart
but the very next day
you gave it away
this year to save me from tears
ill give it to someone special

last christmas i gave you my heart
but the very next day
you gave it away
this year to save me from tears
ill give it to someone special

face on a lover with a fire in his heart
a man undercover but you tore him apart

maybe next year

ill give it to someone
ill give it to someone special
special
someone...

alrights. wasnt home last nite.
wenta eat at pizza hut in the evening.
then to toys r' us. bought cluedo.
slackked around. saw leon.
saw a poor boy got abused by his mum.
then took no. 3 to fatt's place.
was at fatt's place with honey n linkin.
played cluedo n watched vcds then slept.
hmm. morning woke up earli.
stared into the ceiling.
looking at my boy sleeps.
afternoon arrived. they woke up.
wenta my place had lunch.
bought lunch for sister.
went down to meet them again.
slackked till evening, went home..

okays. have no plans for tomorrow?
might be going dancing with my uan frens at nite.
going swimming with honey in the morning??
hahas. its like. haiis. my whole day occupied. l0ls.
i dont know. plans not confirmed. hahas. =X

alrights. feeling darn sad. hahs. well, im gone.
i aint alright. im not fine. what shld i do?
ooooookays. tuning into bsb's ill never break ur heart.
nice song. sad song. meaningful song.
im on the urge to cry. i have been in tt kinda mood.
did anyone notice? yes, he did.
but i didnt want to say anything. cos...
its not advisable to. quarrels would start after tt.
im sucha jinx. l0ls. nahnahs. im not. and you are.
the one reading my entries is a jinx.
the one who acts brave but turn out to be a humster.
the bitches at my old hometown.
the bitches i dislike in my current new hometown.
yous guys are a jinx. a total bitch.
you guys arent the bitches who are -
babe in total control of herself.
but you guys are the real kinda bitch.
those whom pple detests. get it? bitches.

alrights. im in a very bad mood right now.
cos im totally lost.
so much things to think of.
so much things to make decisions for.
i havent been in a good mood for quite some time.
but i seem fine on the surface.
ive got no choice. but to bottle it up.
there's so so so much i wanna say to you.
there's so much i wanna let you know.
but what will the outcome be?
youll be telling me tt we wont be quarreling.
just go ahead and say. but we will. we will, sweetie.
ive been thinking day and night.
just trying to find ways to forget it.
i just cant forget it..
or am i not wanting to let go of it??
yeahs, i shldnt let the past affect the present.
but everytime, you reminded me of it.
i dont know. ive really been thinking.
i dont want us to part.
neither do i want to carry on like this.
but its either one suffer, or the other. or both.
ill be feeling all the pain. n you wont give a damn.
cos im the one finding all the unnecessary troubles.
i cant be like the other women.
im conservative in thinking?
whatever you wanna say. i am, i am!!
but right now, im really feeling very confused.
its all or nothing at all. its now or never.
i wanna carry on this battle.
but it has taken alot on me. alot.
the endless sleepless nights.
the endless worries.
the endless memories haunting me.
why?!?! why me.. i dont understand...

slipping of tongue..
the settings, the topics reminded you.
what shit is these? i dont know.

i dont know how long we'll be together.
but hearing abt you talking abt 'hong heng'.
and hearing you saying 'steady' to fatt,
when he ask you to go with him when he turns 18,
in another less than 2 years time,
im really lost. all at a lost.
if we arent together by then, ive got nothing to say.
but if we are, are you gonna persuade me to give in?
i dont know. im really getting frustrated.
im getting confused..
perhaps the trust aint there at all.
tts why all these thoughts came across..
but, even if so. can you have some respect for me?
im your girlfriend afterall. im there.
and youve got no idea how long more we'll be tgt,
why did you agreed so quickly without hesistating?
im now really getting confused.. very confused..

well, like what loads of pple told me..
im still young. i shld be having puppy loves.
and not long-term relationships.
but i dont wanna be so cheap.
so i commit myself into this relationship..
is that something so very wrong for me to do??
is that?? darling, tell me...
time to time, we quarrel.
time to time, you suggested a break up.
is it what you want actually?
tell me straight, if you are.
i had enough of all these.
i feel so different being alone with you.
and being in a ig group with you.
i felt so different, because of you..
yeahs, geminis are unpredictable.
but does all these play a part in life too??
im getting so very confused..
feeling so tired.. so breatheless..
who's coming to save me?????

a hopeless me.
a vivian who sees no future..
thinking of the questions ive asked myself.
until now, i find no answers yet.
how much do i like you?
what makes me like you so much?
will it be easy for me to let go?
do i see any future with you??
ive been thinking real thorough.
for to really make things once n for all.

life've been tough on me.
but every decision is made by ourselves.
we rely on no one. cos we're living our own life.
everyone expects different kind of living standard.
everyone thinks differently.
i dont know how do i make decisions.
cos i wont deny im quite a failure in relationships.

just today, i found out that im getting smarter.
for i seem to notice things bit by bit..
and i wont deny ive definitely grown up,
after all these obstacles in life.....

loving someone doesnt necessary mean to own that
person physically; for what's counted is those feelings;
that chemistry you and your special someone has..
even if he is with you no more, just live life as per normal,
cos he isnt the right person youve been looking for.
always look forward to tomorrows.
it will bring you different kind of surprises.
without saying it, you might just find him again tomorrow.....

[[ 389 daes 1 year 23 daes ` disappointed. my tomorrow. ]]

2004-12-10T02:19:00.000+08:00

weets~!! =pbpb okays.
ive been like blogging on n off
earli and late those kinda stuffs. l0ls.

okays. hmm. went out at like 12+?
wenta jes' house. catch a super duper dumb show.
then left for bugis. wenta meet april n her boy.
hahas. its kinda funny there. i dont know. =X

l0ls. slackked at mac till like 1850?
then we took a train down to somerset. hahas.
hmm. saw michael. he told me abt the uan nite thingy.
l0ls. janet n jus didnt even tell me anything abt it.
oh oh. fuck it. l0ls.

hmm. thanks michael. l0ls.
the nite seems great. dancing n more dancing. hahas.
oh well. course today was great. better i would say. hahas.
thanks nixem for ur praises. l0ls.

darling came to fetch me today. hahas.
hes soooooooooo sweet. thanks honey..
needed to see you badly. missed you so so so much..
just hope tt your line will be like.. come back soon??
okays. my english suck. dont blame me. hahhas.

welll. then wenta p.p. to get things to bite.
then we sat at the playground for quite sometime..
talking and like... looking at the beautiful clear sky..
the stars shone so brightly.
it seems like every of the stars are proud of themselves.
all of them are just trying to stand out from the brightest.
which is the north star.. hahas. but no matter how bright theyre.
theyll die out soon. cos e brightest star dies first..
well..the sky is reali gorgeous..
the stars arent hiding or what.
i could see the orion's belt so clearly.. hahas..
the sky is just so nice. i simply loves the stars..
goshhies. darling.. just wanna thank you..
for being there with me.. so tt i wont have to be alone..
alone to watch the beautiful night skies.. thanks honey..

well.. enough of stars.. l0ls..
hmm. tomorrow.. ill be meeting sweetie.
he'll be out earli. cos he dont wan mummy to noe hes on mc.
haiis. poor thing.. well. hope i can meet him earli after the chores.
haiis. hope things goes well for me tomorrow..
tomorrow night, i dont know where ill be, slacking.
or fishing. l0ls. hope to spend the nights gazing at stars.
with honey. sweetheart, i love you.. <3

good nites guys. aiai, take care..
darling, sugarry honey dreams.. sleep tight..
smooches for you, hugggies hug for you..
see you soon. mwahs muacks <3

[[ 388 daes 1 year 22 daes 101204 0236hrs. lovedd` ]]

2004-12-08T23:24:00.000+08:00

im like a fool. waiting for so many things at a time.
grrrr. feeling darn pissed. and frustrated.
im irritated by the long waits and... the long waits.
like.. what the hell lorhs. grrrrrrrrr~!!

like what the hell again.
fugging can log in. and cannot after awhile.
what the hell is that? stupid server. useless shiat.
im more pissed. more frustrated. what the heck!!!

cannot log into my game. dont know what the hell is wrong.
its just my luck i guess. bloody hell..

okays. was rotting at home till like 4pm.
went out to meet april. hahhas.
she got 2 pairs of shoes from some shop at citylink.
and she was very happy after that. hahas.
went around, sat at a small cafe and slackked.
talked and stuff.. then headed back into citylink again.
search for my sis' bag n stockings. l0ls.
then walked around. gossipped. bitched..
then went to take the train home while talking. lols.
we have lotsa things to talk about. its never ending. hahas.
afterall, girls are still girls. bwaahahs.. =pbpb
hmm. got home at like 2100hrs?
bathe. ate my dinner. slackked. hahahs...
and im waiting for darling's call now.. AGAIN. sadd.

well well. life's like shiat. dont know what else to do. hahas.
ve been like going shopping for dont know how long.
guess im going broke soon. what the heck.. l0ls.

hmm. meeting april at bugis 1530 tomorrow.
going for dinner with rachel most prob at 1700.
then go to lesson together.
hmm. its the 3rd last lesson tomorrow.
april wanna go for drama together some time later.
prolly my june hols? l0ls. i dont know.
can negotiate i guess. hahas. well well....
i really dont know what else to say..
just waiting.. am still waiting.. for his call. l0ls.
oh yarhs. xmas' rond the corner.
needa get gifts. like what the hell.
needa spend money again........ grrrrrrrrr~!!

hmm.. gonna give pressies to my close frens only bahs.
im broke. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~!!!
my darling, fatt, linkin, deshun. e guys..
n april, rachel, grace, jes, zann, aiai, nat n phips. e babes..
dont know what to get for e babes n guys. shucks.
ive gotta be fast. real fast. l0ls~!!
xmas' round the corner.. hahahs.. im in deep shiat.
l0ls.~!!

i wish you a merry christmas.
i wish you a merry christmas.
i wish you a merry christmas.
and a happy new year.. *

im crazy. rudolff e red nosed reindeer~!! l0ls.

kkies. shall stop my crapp. gonna go. tatas all` mwahs <3

2004-12-08T03:29:00.000+08:00

its a new day~!!!

backk. again. just fnsh chatting with april. =)
she's a nice person to talk to. hahas.
she enlightens me.
she lets me see what the reality is.
for now. i know her not quite long. but..
thanks to her.. ive been feeling better..
a whole lot better.. thanks babe.

not only her. dearie plays a part in my life too.
an important part. lotsa fun time coming up with u.
there'll be a whole lot of memories too.
my heart revolves round your world. n vice versa..
just wanna let you know that..
if the sky were to topple down tml..
i'll still be here loving you, missing you..
i'll be the one loving you so much as always..
its for you to find it out.. for me to know..
love you sweetie.. mwahs muacks <3

oh yeahs. darling called me at like..
about 2330 to 0000 like this..
talked till 0100, den i took a bath..
yeahs.. nitey sweetie.. muacks.. <3

i dont know. am i realli thaat naive?
ive got to think about everything again..
ive to see whats best for me for now..
all these will take a whole lot on me..
but like he says.. its now or never..
once and for all.. all or nothing at all..
correct sweetie? haiis. love hurts.
yeahs. it really do.. now i experience it..
how about you?? we needa talk some day..
we need to go on 2 weeks of holiday..
not 2 people.. but alone.. to sort things out i guess.
yeahs.. i dont know.. give me a break.....

feeling very frustrated though.
dont know what to do now..
meeting grace for lunch at cp tomorrow.
and might be going citylink with april ard 3-4pm.
and back home for dinner.. yeahs..
no more eating out. hahhas...
great. i wont be alone tomorrow.. hahas.
but i kinda dread going out now..
the outside world is kinda bored to me now..
sobbies.. god, help me. hahhas.

well well. if i continue...
this entry will not stop at this few paragraphs.
a whole lot more to carry on with..
gonna call this an end..
climb on to my bed.. think over stuff..
and sleep.. hahhas...
take care guys.. tatas`
nitey guys.. sleep tight.. candy floss dreams!! //-

2004-12-07T22:21:00.000+08:00

backk. sians. im earlier as each day passes by. grr.
okays. lets see what happened today.

earli morn got woken up by shan's call.
laze on bed, reluctant to go wash up till shan reach.
headed p.p for lunch. the cutlet rice sucks.
visited rendall at p.p's hangten. l0ls.
then head down to bugis.
shopped for my clothes. took real long to decide =X
got my jeans, denim shorts n a top.
yet to get my pumps n gio spag though.
saw a freak. a real one.
a guy who tries to be a hot chick.
saw him upteen times. its just my luck. wadever.
he wore a red g-string n tried showing off in e public.
hes gross. he sucks. hes a poseur. hes a sucker.
hope ill bump into him no more.
back to pasir ris. walked round e pasar malam.
took bus and went home.
saw dad on bus. haiis. saddened.. =X
reach home. had dinner. hahas.
slackked around. wash dishes. slackk...
waiting for sweetie's call.. haiis.. until now..
and here i am blogging. haiis. bo0o0o0oring~!!

haiis. came home darn earli though. so sians.. have been waiting for sweetie's call since 6.. haiis. worrying here. wondering what is he doing.. haiis. well. weve got no way of contacting each other.. wondering how the hell are we gonna contact each other for the rest of the like.. dont know how many days.. haiis. meeting honey on thursday or friday. friday is confirm meeting up i hope, i guess. hahas. cos well be going for night cycling.. ahahs. been so long since we go cycling.. at night.. hahas. hmm. thursday.. not sure. prolly drop by his place in the evening then pia down to devonshire rd bahs. if not i shall meet him there then. sobbies. =(

darling darling. ni zai na li?
baby hen xiang ni..
bu yao duo zhe wo le..
wo zhen de hen xiang nian ni..
yi jing hen jiu wo mei he ni shuo hua le.
wo xiang ni.. imu` <3

hoping darling would msg me soon. haiis. =(
had my next week's schedule planned too.
im really going gaga. LOLS.

monday will be morn jog n workouts.
tuesday is another cycling day.
wednesday going bballing. l0ls.
thursday going gym most prob..
n friday will be morn jog, workouts n cycling!!

hahas. im reali going gaga cos ill be excercising.
hahas. hope itll work out.
i wanna get rid of my excess. a beautiful body.
its all i want. hahas. gonna pia situps at nite.
hahas. again. for a week or so. n stop. l0ls.

okays. just hope my plans wont go blackwired.
its quite a long entry. gonna go pom pom..
and continue to wait for darling's call.
while reading man n wife. hahas.
okays then. take care guys. tatas`

miss youu!! miss you!!
[[ sweetie, imu` ilu. 385 daes 1 yr 19 daes. mwahs <3>

2004-12-06T23:06:00.000+08:00

ell0. im back.. back for the better.. back for the worst..
okays. i'm earli tonight. guess its just another slpless nite.

hmm. spent my morning being a maid after mvp valentine.
afternn talked to april on fone and online.
replied msges. told my dad im working no more. =X
ate sushi for dinner.
read man and wife. its a nice book afterall.
was online toking to kelvin.
was online checking frenster's msges n replying them.
was toking to sweetie on fone. he's line got cut. grrr.
and here i am blogging. hahs.

how much better can i get? hahas.
okays. going bugis tmll.
wanna get my pumps.
wanna get my jeans.
wanna get my shorts tml.

and my spag can wait.. sobbs. [[ pangsehs ]] LOLS.
i shall see. if ive got enough cash.
i shall get all by tmll. haha. weets~!!

hmm. i dont know. tonight might be toking to sweetie.
he's having tt on and off headaches. it hurts. haiis.
dont know how is he now.
just hope i wont be so deaf as not to pick up his call later.

hold on // back-

yups. was toking abt sweetie.
he cant get to slp even if he wants to. haiis. poor thing.
panadols aint any help either. grrrr.
hmm. going nite cycling on friday's nite. weets~!!

oh shucks. saw a big flying cockroach in my room.
OH MAMA~!!!!!!

lols. yeahs. tml gonna go bugis shopping with shan.
wed? prolly meet up shan or april. or visit honey.
going for course on thurs nite.
night cycling on friday. with honey and co.
saturday shall rot at home. or go out in the afternn.
see where can we go to get a nice sweet rest.
sunday? mine or sweetie's place to catch stars awards.
oohs~ had my week planned. hahas.
im shocked.
im going gaga~ hahas.

yeahs. its getting late late. its been an hour.
did pedi for mummy. l0ls.
me? do pedi? wahahas. wad a joke. but..
i seriously did tt. hahas. im great. hahas..

well. currently tuning into sentimentals. hahas.
romantic me. l0ls.
and im having a debate in frenster. how great.
her guy left her the day before they shld get engaged.
sad, reali.. not trying to be sarcastic. but reali am..
haiis. saddened.

wondering who will be going for friday's night cycling.
hahas. ive been talking abt the cycle so often.
shitman. stop it. stop it. stop it.
hahas. okay okays. i shall be good girlie.

going off to bed then. nites sweeties. <3

[[ 384 daes 1 yr 18 daes 06122004 2356 hrs ]]

2004-12-06T03:53:00.000+08:00

haiis. b0ring. so bored. have been on the comp since 1plus bahs.. this is getting real bored. the pple online have went into their lala land. and me? still online doing nothing. replying those msges. as part of my job. l0ls. but the replies i get online is better than performing on streets. l0ls.

i dont know how i am feeling.
i am rather confused..
you got me so mixed up now.
ive got no idea what else to do.

a moment you seem like an angel.
the other, you seem like a devil to me.
which are you exactly. tell me. dont deny.
sleepless nights for you. tears running like tap for you.
arent they more than enuff?

you told me its not worth crying over a guy.
yeahs. now i see the reason why..
are you trying to tell me sth in btween the lines?
dont beat around the bush if you have..

you complain every little bit of things now.
you get angry so very easily, so quickly.
you lose your temper at me more often now.
who are you? answer me..

tell me why you've change. give me a good reason.
but time to time, what i hear is..
bcos you're the one causing all this problems, not me.
doesnt it takes 2 hands to clap honey?

i dont know how else to carry on this entry. feeling rather sians. guess i'm gonna get some rest. gotta meet up with april tomorrow. gotta mop the floor. be a part time maid. l0ls. yeahs. check friendster again, then go to sleep. hahas. well. all the while, ive always been hoping that things would be fine, you will be like in the past. cos i dont wanna lose this friday's outing with you again.. ive always look forward to every outing.. but things doesnt seems to go well. now i hope things would be fine.. i hope you would give in too.. hoping that i'll receive your msg just now. but to my 'surprise', you didnt.. hope i'll receive one soon.. real soon.. just wanna tell you i'm still missing you.. i still love you.. but take me and whatever i've once told you into consideration.. i reali love you alot.. dont hurt me.. dont be who you arent.. i know you arent like this.. i wanna see you like who you are in the past.. imu` ilu. <3

[[ 348 days. 1 year 18 days. loveyou. mwahs <3>

2004-12-05T02:06:00.000+08:00

my head is spinning. it hurts...
hmm. but i stilll cant get to slp..
hear the sound of the keyboard..
its kinda irritating at times. l0ls.

well. worrying about my little honey.
dont know what's happening now.
grrrr. kinda pissed. but cant bear to.
just hope he'll sort things out REAL SOON.

as for work. things seems to get better.
ive got new ways to get pple.
and the new way seems to work better.
just hope things will go so well till sch reopens.

currently waiting for darling's msg.
i dont know if he's aslp without his pills.
but he didnt replied me. i guess he is aslp.
just hope i aint wrong tis time.

guess ill be meeting him tml.
i dont know. mayb yes, mayb no.
but i hope to see him.
cos i miss him, i love him.

hmm. went shopping today.
got my blusher, eyeshadow n lipstick.
ive got mascara. but i wanna get eyeliner.
gonna shop for it some day.

guess im going shopping with honey tml.
gonna get my jeans and pumps.
hahas. den gonna get my gio spag. lols.
lastly, i wanna get my denim shorts n skirt.

tts a long list down. and there's more to it.
my mp3 player. my new handphone.
my pictures with honey. my day out at sentosa.
my gatherings. e nights out. there's so much more.

well. gotta stop. what am i gonna do now?
i dont know.
guess im going off. to bed mayb?
im getting tired sitting infront of the comp.

well. take care guys.
see you guys soon.
tatas all` have an earli nite.
mwahs <3

2004-12-03T23:03:00.000+08:00

my eyes are so puffy. it hurts.
my heart broke into bits n pieces.
my lfe seems so tough.

i cant take it anymore.
god come save me.
im your child.
bring me to somewhere tt wont hurt.

well. just came home not long. dont feel very well though. hahas. my head's spinning. im beginning to doubt myself. im beginning to think about all those shit once again. i dont know how the hell am i gonna pull myself through this. cos for so long, its the first time i cant stop crying for close to an hour an a half straight. all this that i knew, i faced was quite a trouble for me. i dont know. im reali going crazy honey. i need my pills. i need the rest. i need a break. a break from all of you guys. a break i dont wanna take. but if i dont, ill be living hell then. well. listening to those sobby whinning songs. dont know what kinda mood i want myself to be in. well. gonna start all the thinking and reflection sessions kinda soon. hahas. well then. gonna go start reflecting. hahas. tatas all`

tired. sad. tears..

2004-11-30T22:51:00.000+08:00

haiiyers.. im feeling so sians. grrrrrrs~

well. wenta sentosa ytd. hahas. had a fun time with the girls. managed to tan myself. muahahas.. but now the tanned parts hurt. grrrrrr... hahas. well. wanna go for 2nd round of tanning when this time's heal. hahas =)

wenta work today. hahas. tired. hahas.

tmll after work gonna go find darling. hhahas. he's on mc for 4 days!! grrr~ idiotic... hurrhurr.

bth ler. hes making lotsa noise. gonna entertain him online. hahas. tatas all`

[[ 378.378.378.378.378.378.378.days ]]

2004-11-28T04:24:00.000+08:00

pissed off larhs.
shityou.
ihateyou. scram.
everything's abt me. now. its you.
shityou. hateyou.
hatreds..
i hate you.
stopinterferinginanyway.
getoutofmylife.
didioweyouanythinginmypastlife?!?!
bitch.getthisclear.
ihateyou.

unhappy.hatreds.

2004-11-27T01:42:00.000+08:00

everything's gonna fine again. hahas. cheers. and celebrate~!!

okies. work is damn fine. im so happy. ive got easier job to do. only for ME, eunice, janet n justina. not anyone else. mwahahas. cheerios~!! im so happy. dun have to go town tt often le.. weets~!!

next. me and darling is fine, fine so very fine le!! mwahahs. just hope things would remain this way. hahas. i dunno. my feelings does play a part in here. grrr. hahas. just hope things would be fine. love you sweetie <3

tmll im going out with darling. mwahaahas. great. dunno wad time meeting up my baobeii oso. hahas. later toking to him on fone bahs. wahahas. guess we'll be on the fone throughout?? most probably?? l0ls. provided he's a toking machine for me. lmao. we'll see how yeahs? l0ls.

monday's gonna go beach-ing. yeahs yeahs. cool. with my girlfrens. cool huhs. bikinis babes. and hunks? nah nahs. the hunks are OUT tis time. l0ls.

gosshiiees. just wondering if i can bring in about 20 appointments a day not. ive to like take about 40 contacts a day huhs. grrrr. yeahs yeahs. shitme. l0ls. okies. take a step at a time.

siaos liaos. gonna go. bathe. bubbuais.

2004-11-24T21:23:00.000+08:00

err.. have been reali tired these few days. have been home late everyday.. haiis. currently hooked on penny dai's ni yao de ai.. hahas. wth?!?! the song is old. but. well. it seriously brought me back in time... i saw so much of stuff in the past.. happy n sad.. from head to toe.. the laughters to tears.. nice song ehs??

things arent tt fine either. have been feeling low. but everyday have to put up a front to entertain pple. well. wads with my life. thought over everything. everything ive said. everything ive heard. wondering. i dunno. dun hold me back. dun let me hold back. dun soften my heart. let me go if i want to. cant you? i dunno. ive been very vexed. im running fever. feeling unwell. dunno wad else to do. feeling so tired. dunno wad to do. i came to blog. there's no one i can tok to at all. wad else can i do huhs? gosh. i dunno. i reali dunno.

well. saw priscilla the other day. she's now together with lydia. from prcs. 17 year old. hahs. just wondering why cant tt girl be straight. but seriously. i agree.. her love lives all sucks. hahas. im sorry for her. haiis... saw her lydia. i dunno why. but i somehow see my reflection in her. the way she dresses. her hairstyle. the way she talks. everything. shes so much like me. hahas. goshh. hahahs...

okies.. haiis. just dun feel well. guess im going off. im feeling sians n tired. wanna go sleep. having 2 appointments tmll. have to be in town by12. wtf right? hahas. plus modelling course at night tmll. haiiyers. dread going. hahas. can i not go? LOLS. impossible. im going. l0ls. gonna be sexy tmll. lols. im just joking. hahas. okies. take care guys. mwahs...

penny dai's ni yao de ai...
shui ran jing chang meng jian ni.
hai shi hao wu tou xu.
wai mian zheng zai xia zhe yu.

jin tian shi xing qi ji.
but i dont know.
ni qu na li.

shui ran bu ceng huai yi ni.
hai shi tan te bu ding.
shui shi ni de na ge wei yi,

yuan liang wo huai yi zi ji.
wo ming bai.
wo yao de ai.
hui ba wo chong huai.

xiang yi ge xiao hai.
zhi dong zai ni huai li huai.
ni yao de ai.

bu zhi shi yi lai.
yao xiang ge da nan hai.
feng chui you re shai.
sheng huo zi you zi zai.

the song tt brought me back in time.. the song tt brings me back to see all the happiness i once had.. this song.`

2004-11-22T01:49:00.000+08:00

370 days. 1 year 4 days. its just 3 hours and 49 mins. JUST PAST.

sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad.

wad to do? forget it. i shall just start praying. LOLS.

sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad.

gonna go then. i dunno wad else i'll be doing.

gonna go MIA again? i dunno. mayb. i'll consider.

take care guys. tatas`

missing YOU always.

you know who you are.

i still love you.

ive never forgotten 130606.

and i will not forget.

muacks.. ("v")

2004-11-20T21:50:00.000+08:00

weets~!! so cold so cold... brrrrrrrr~

hmm.. so happy yeahs? its 1 year and 2 days. but it doesnt seems like darling and i have been together for so long.. perhaps.. the wound on us has started to heal.. results has shown tt darling n i reali seems to be closer than before.. darling i love you.. alot. no matter what kinda circumstances we're gonna face from now on, just remember that i have always been there for you, and i will always be there for you.. yeahs? i love you honey..

great. spent last night with darling.. woo ha~ errrrrr.. its not so bad actuali.. cos.. hahas. we were in a tent filled with water. we ended up freezing and trembling.. just imagine the water reach a height of like... 6cm.. lols.. well. i felt much closer to him now. so good.. so close tt i reali dun wanna leave him be it for a min or two. tts how close i feel so suddenly n how much i wan him. just hung up on fone with him [[ 22:44 ]].. tt boiiboii. hahas..

a cute little boiiboii. well. he's off to his dreamland. and i shld be in mine soon too. need plenty of rest before i reali fall sick terribly. well. guess tts all i wanna say. wads all in my mind is nothing else but only him. so darling. tts how much i love you. reali.

well. gonna go gonna go. ive gotta go to sleep. cos ive gotta go town for work tmll. got appointments. and needa start making fone calls and.. and having event at clarke quay tmll evening. darling will be coming along. meeting him at town before we head for clarke quay tmll together. shiok shiok.. hahas. okies okies. gotta stop.. tis entry is too much abt him. hhaas.

good nite frens. take care. rest earli. rest well. sweet dreams. see u guys soon~!! tatas`

[[ 1 year 2 days 1 hour 10 minutes. 368 days. i love you. ]]

2004-11-18T00:00:00.000+08:00

HapPy oNe yeAr anNiveRsaRy ~!!

yeahs~!! happy one year anniversary honey~!! weets~!! love ya love ya. you're the best~!! loads of smooches and hugs!! goshhies. im so mushy.. wad smooches.. no no. no tongue kisses. normal kisses will do. LOLS. no more tt for me. smooches~!! darling wo ai ni orhs~!! mwahs muacks~!!

finally back fr0m MIA. hees*

okies. for the past week, have been working n stuff. home problems. his problems. all sort of problems. hahas. shithead.well. finally. things are getting better. shi0k shiok*

well. modelling course resumes tmll. sians. needa bring so many stuff. sports shoes n heels. goshhies. 2.5 inches. grrr. well. den bring shorts too. hahas. shitnixem. l0ls. well. tt monkey~

hmm. g0ts l0ads of appointments tmll. after my last appointment, do some scouting. den gonna meet darling. he's coming down from redhill. after counselling. yippies~!! can see darling lerr. weets~

well well. tts abt it. friday t0nning with darling. sat darling tonning with linkin, deshun, phips, yenling, faisal n gang. the badminton gang. haiis. sad sad.. dunno. until now still weird weird de. abt tt. shiats. me me me!! shitme. bummer. i hate myself. hatreds. hateyouhateme. hateyou. thebiatch. getlost. scram. poof. neverappearinmylifeever. dunletmeseeyou. illslapyou. iwontholditforlong. ivegotnopatience. darling. dont. impossessive. butirealirealiloveyou. shitme. wadswrongwithme. shutup. gone.

well. g0nna g0. bubbuais. honey i love you. mwahs muacks~ wo ai ni 1314~

2004-11-10T11:58:00.000+08:00

MIA

2004-11-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

quit your crap. scram. get lost. im irritated. poof*

hateyou. hateyou. hateyou. hateyou. hateyou. hateyou. hateyou. hateyou.

2004-11-08T14:11:00.000+08:00

back. feeling sians. so blogg. hahas. seems dumb to do sucha thing huhs. well. though over it for very long. still in the midst of deciding. i dunno if i should work at banquet mayb with farliana. the pay seems great. $7.50perhour. yeahs. but it'll be tiring of course. i dunno. mayb i'll work there. or mayb at the shop my mum's working now. both pay's not bad. well. guess ure wondering how come im finding jobs since ive got 2 on hand right? lols. okies. cos. my mum is freaking complaining that my that 2 jobs bo hua. ask me find something more worth doing. grrrrr. well. i dunno. banquet needs pple now. mayb. mayb i'm working part time there. i dunno. my mum's ok with the time and everything. but. i dunno abt my darling. he might not agree to it. and i doubt he will. hhahas.

well. feeling so damn sians. going out in awhile. well. ytd picked fight with this stupid shit. she's only primary 5. yet so bitchy. cant blame larhs. young kids now are getting more out of hand than the older generation. and yarhs. still cant find out whos the bitch who tagged me. and goshh. if i found out by coincidence. she's gonna die. i swear to god. haha. too bad. shes too dumb to even confess. she confess, nothing will go wrong. ill see her as invisible. but she dont wan to. good luck to you then. better keep ya identity 100% confidential. hmm. stupid pple. everyone agrees with my point of view. shes dumb. noone,no way shes gonna deny that she's dumb.

hmm. sibeii sians lorhs. so tired. cant i jusst sleep. grrrrrrr. i need my sleep. hahas. thinkin of the money i'll be making. the times ill be spending money like water running from a tap. hahas. goshhies. stop those thoughts. unhealthy!!! lols. oh yeahs oh yeahs. farliana wanna bring me to chiong this wednesday. yet to give her a comfirmed answer. hahs. but. mayb not going. i dont like the one she's going. wadever the name. i dont bother. hahas. i'll wait.

hmm. the previous update was nice. cant stop reading it over n over again. lols. am i sick or am i sick?? hhahas. crazzy me. well. i dunno wad i'll be doing for the rest of the day. later going to compasspoint. its been so long since ive been there. ever since like the working stuff, ive been going to town for like. 3 to 4 times a week? goshh. and just wait. when work officially starts, ill be at town most of the time. goshh. and ill be working 5 days week. grrrr. no more freedom. slappa the office's face. grrr~!! quit the job. quit the jobbbbb......

haiiyers. where else should i go laterr? hmm. shld i go swimming?? hahas. sia0s. mayb tmll. dropping by siewgek's chalet. she begged me to go. fine. i shall make appearance. make use of her chalet. go swim. and bathe in her chalet. ooohs.. why am i so cheapskate. cant believe that. lols. well. wednesday've got church's bbq. calling peiishan along. cos we wenta tt church together. lols. hmm. who shall i ask go swimming with me tmll?? wondering* and yarhs. i wont be staying at the chalet for long. ive gotta go town at 7pm. shiat....

town town town. no life. gonna hold some beach parttty. hahas. shiat. who am i gonna call. goshh.. water party. drinking partyy. wad else? music partty.. shiat. running out of ideas.

hmm. no more mood for blogging. bubuais.

2004-11-07T23:03:00.000+08:00

what the hell man. what a bad day. stupid day. stupid people. stupid shit. i hate my day.

whats ur stupid problem? just wanna talk to you more. miss you so much. today actuali wanna spend time with you when we reach my place de. but u seems so gan chiong to go back. so i lan lan. let you go. what the hell. im dumb huhs. shitme. i shall go die. uselessme.

ifmissingyouissomethingwrong.tellme.iwillnotmissyouden.alliwannadoisjusttotalktoyoumoreatnight.cosyou'rebusyinthenoon.
amiwrong.idunno.maybiambeingjustfartoopossessive.yes.iwanthewholeofyou.iwanthewhole24hours/7daysofyou.why.
wontyougiveittome.willyou.yougotmesousedtohearingyouforlonghoursatthenight.andattimesintheafternoon.suddenlyicant.
feelingveryweird.cosyoucanactuallyspendyournightsatkopitiamwithyourguys.well.iknowimtoomuch.
iknowimeatingintourpersonallife.butyouoncesaidthatitwasok.areyougoingbackonttnow.idunno.tellmeifyouare.
ihatethefeeling.dunkeepmeinthedark.dunletmesufferfromthepainigotwhenimissyouncanthearyouorfeelyou.thathurtsalot.
youknow.iloveyousomuch.somuchthatiwannaeatupyourwholelife.ifyouthinkimbeingtoomuch.tellme.iwillchange.and.
youwillhaveyourfreedomallregained.nothingiwillwannakeepittobewithme.idunwaneventhememories.itstillhurtsmethatmuch.
ihopeyouwillunderstandhowiactuallyfeel.justlikeatthebeginningwhenialwayshavemyfrensardwhenwe'reouttogether.
iguessyouknowthatfeeling.cosichangeditafteryoutoldmeaboutit.sorryfortheattitudenstuff.imeannth.imeannoharm.
ijustcantgetaholdofmyself.alliwantedwastofeelyousoclosetomeonceagainforthatlong.toknowthatyourearoundmesolong..

can i have that again? i'm sorry. i dun wanna wait till everything end. i'm getting impatient. i'm beginning to feel loosen. everything gives me the feeling that im falling apart. my support arent there anymore. and you are my support. i know my support is tired n need his rest. but really very sorry. ineedyou.verymuch.

[[ our story page 356.. 10 more days to a new story.. mwahs* ]]

2004-11-06T23:33:00.000+08:00

back. l0ls. okies. hhahas.. hmm.. lets update~~~!!!

05 nov 04'
got sth to add on.. yeee haa~ hahas. kies.. well. s0 g0d-damned happy... mummy accepted my relationship. mwahahs. co0l. she says wanna g0 out with darling, just say. n0 needa bluff. all the tactics i'm using, she all used it bef0re. l0ls. den she say, wh0 treats wh0 is fine. she ask me t0 bring darling h0me on xmas celebrati0n. she wanna see him. l0ls. great.. mummy asked me t0 l0ve myself. t0 take care of myself.. hahas. ilu mummy... mwahs muacks~!!! ("v")

06 nov 04'
goshhs. w0ke up at like. 840am? msged darling. went back t0 lie d0wn awhile. den wenta wash up at 9am like tt. den met darling at 1030 close to 1100am. yeahs. s0 earli huhs. hahas. wenta had breakfast. den saw darling's mummy. den me n darling wenta took a walk by the bl0cks. hahas. walked. slackked. den 1pm like tt. to0k number 12 d0wn t0 bugis. had a nice c0mfy time on bus. th0ugh it was c0ld... brrrr~ den dr0pped at bugis. darling was s0 happy t0 see the fountain thingy. i nearly g0t wet. LOLS. all thanks to my ba0beii. hahas. darling die die os0 dun wanna leave the f0untain area. grrr.. but managed t0 get him leave tt place in the end. hahas. sh0pped at the malls. edge n parc0 seiyu. saw car0l. hahas. didnt n0ticed her. till she tapped my sh0ulder. lols. said hi. den went off with darling. hahas. hmm. slackked ardd. wenta c0ld st0rage. darling g0t 2 sushi. n 2 drinks. he nearly went off without paying f0r the sushi. lols. den slackked outside seiyu. den wenta bugis street saw watches n stuff. den wait f0r bus 12 back t0 pasir ris. reached. wenta white sands. g0t my fries n darling's currypuff. we den experimented on his curry puff. had chilli currypuff. mayo currypuff. and fries currypuff. LOLS. hope darling will be fine* hahas. den wenta get a drink. den went h0me at 7pm. hahas. came h0me earli f0r mummy's sake. l0ls. me guai guai okies?? hahas.

well. tmll MIGHT be meeting darling. at HIS place. helping him out with the packing n tidying of house if his mummy allows me to go over. if not. guess will be rotting my day off as well. hahas.

hmm... miss darling w0rrs. grrr.. 14 m0re days t0 g0. c0me on. why w0nt the time just pass faster? haiis. 2 m0re weeks. and 1 year is over. darling darling. i love u. so much tt i wudnt wanna let u go. promisedd* well. h0ping tt things wud be g0ing well f0r the wh0le of next 2 weeks. n we'll celebrate 1 year anniversary happily t0gether. prayying* well. my current wish is... for things to go real well. haiis. h0pe g0d will bless me... pray real real hardd* darling. baby miss u w0rrs. hmm. cant t0k t0 u on f0ne. s0 xin ku. w0ndering wad u're d0ing n0w. baby miss you so so much. u n0e. well. h0pe u n0e.. haiis. well. g0nna end here. take care guys..

10 m0re minutes t0 a brand new day.. 07 november 2004.

goshh. i missed my darling like crazy.. honey.. i miss u so much. i love u. i just wanna be with you. hug me real tight. and never let go. i promised i'll never let go. will you promise me too? the rings is a promise. u accepted it cos u promised me everything. and same here. i accepted it cos i promised you everything. i will keep my promise. i will. have trust in me. faith in urself. we'll last till death do us part. i believe in you.. ("v")

[[ 355 days. darling. wo zehn de hen ai ni. ni zhi dao ma? ("v") ]]

2004-11-05T11:47:00.000+08:00

backk. hahas. well. lets see wad happened ytdd.

04 nov 04'
well. met darling at 4pm. wenta white sands. got a drink. played game. slackk. den went to orchardd. the journey was funny. darling fell aslp. tt pigg. hahas. but nvm. i still love my pigg. mwahs* reached orchard at 6pm. wenta hmv. slackk. toked to kelly. den headed down to cine. see figurines n rings. lols. den darling sent me to avalon at 7pm. had modelling course with nixem. a cute little monkey-assed guy. great. he says i can walk. i only have to grow taller. hurr hurr. but he was cute larhs. they guessed my age. i look 17, 18. l0ls. weak. they were so freaking shock when they heard tt i'm only 13. hhas. the girls opp me was like saying. 'kaos, she look so matured.' goshh. i'm old. hahas. gonna accept reality, the fact. mwahahs. am i crazy? mayb i am. lols. well. at least i still have a long way ahead. i will make the best out of me. i promise* well. other than me. the 2 other youngest were both 15. yeahs. so. i'm still e` youngest. LOL.

well. before running into the avalon, asked for darling's finger n slipped a ring in. hahas. he was shocked. dunno if he likes it. wonder*

after the course, met darling again. took a train down to my area. had a nice time eating. darling had his fried kway tiao, n i had my carrot cake. lols. den headed down to roof garden. slackk. tok tok. den about 12am den went home. lols. yeahs. tts about last nite. slept close to 1am. yawns* tired. didnt receive darling's msg before he slept. wonder wad time he slept. hahas.

05 nov 04'
yawns*mummy woke me up earli morn. about 6am. woke up. got changed. prepared. left for school at 7+am. called honey before i left home. tt notti pigg didnt wenta work. he overslept. wenta get a mc. luckily, he got. hahas. well. those 1i peeps are reali arrogant. lols. cant stand them. esp constance. i wonder how i'm gonna study with them for the whole of next year. poor me. lols. well. came home. slackk. ate. think i'm not gonna rest. i'm shagged. wanna slp. like darling. tt pigg. still slping bahs. hahas. well. tonite wont be going out. mayb to the pasar malam at my area. if not, gonna rot at home. lols. kkies. gonna go then. mwahs muacks~

so happy. my darling n i exchanged rings. made a promise to each other. darling, wo ai ni...

[[ 354 days. darling, i love you 1314~!! ]]

2004-11-03T22:01:00.000+08:00

well. had lessons in the morning. was late. with aiai. as usual. hahas. overslept. too used to having long long sleeps. hahas. well. was slackking. toking. laughing our heads off during lessons. didnt pay much attention. lols. wad a waste. hahas. sad huhs. but forget it. none of us are listening. all were busy gossiping or msging in class. lols. great.

reached home by 1030. called honey. toked. wad a great chat. but had to hang up. sobbs. den went out at 1300? met darling at mrt station first. so cool. missed him orites? met him. played game. hugs break n everything. den he walked me to jeslyn's block. saw his long lost fren. zhong yue (spelling might be wrong =x). toked. he guessed my age. but still didnt get it. lols. great. have a fun time guessing den. hahas. went off wif jes n zann when they reached. left darling toking to zhong yue* for awhile more. then he went home i guess.

headed town. great. went eating. walking. toking. bitching actuali. hahas. den went up to uan. had a fun time there. janet was telling how good my modelling instructor wud be. how funny he was. hahas. well. hope tis will be the way. gees* toked to justina abt the work. aft tt. headed down to far east. got some stuff. hahas. secrets* its for my baobeii. hehes. mwah muacks* den met kelly. took neos. sat down for awhile n toked. settled both jobs. great. starting work soon i guess. mwahahas. i dun wanna rot my life at home slping, com-ming. grrrr~!!

things were quite fine. but when i was on my way back. made darling angry. sorry baobeii. reali didnt mean it. perhaps i reali didnt tell u. dun angry le. hao mahs? baby pa pa. sobbs... mwahs*

haiis. well. tmll's first modelling course. great. nixem nixem. hahas. hope u'll be just as good as wad janet said. lols. hope i'll enjoy myself. janet said i would. hahas. hmm. tis poor baby here is just waiting for her baobeii to cheer up. to stop getting angry n peii her tok on fone. but until now, no message received. perhaps i've to take initiative bahs. well. darling. hope u'll pick up my call later on. gonna go then. mwahs muacks* have a great time pigging guys!! i noe i do. hees* piggy me. my piggy laogong. lovedd u. loves u. loving u. missed u. misses u. missing u. smooches*

[[ 351 days. darling, i'm sorry. forgiven?` sobbs. wo ai ni. wo xiang ni. bu yao shen wo de qi le. =( ]]

2004-11-02T15:39:00.000+08:00

yo0 h0o~ i'm backk. hahahs. okies. lets see. its 021104. how bored. another 16 more days to go honey. lovedd` jiay0u~!! hahas. am i crazy or sth like tt? LOLS.

orites. lets see what happened today hao ma? *flown back to the past* -.-"

hahas. okies. nth much happened. woke up earli to send darling a msg. went back to slp. woke up at 10 plus. dread waking up though. hahas. came online with no one at home. felt so good. haas. no ones home. i can do anything i like. hahahs. but ive got nth to hide larhs. so kinda no point oso. hahas. just felt bored. came online. wenta frenster, msn and my blog. lols. i'll be blessing u always without fail. even when i use the toilet, i'll still be blessing u. hoping that you will rot in hell when u die, live a terrible life when u're still alive and may you have a fucked up life. hahas. well. borred. havent have any idea on where to go n wad to do for the whole week. lols. my life sucks yeahs. hahas.

okies. fuck it. my life sucks. i'm not gonna deny tt. life sucks life sucks. hahas. somewhere somehow. i'm finding everything's boring. perhaps shld have a 360 degree change of everything. from head to toe. from my school to outside world. from my bed to my wardrobe. from my frens to still my frens. hahas. okies. i'm leading a boring life. no one seems to be satisfied with wadever i'm doing, with me. i'm reali tt imperfect arhs? as in. the most imperfect one can be. hahas. i'm a boring person. i'm not ur type bahs. hahas. well. forget it. its time to get everything changed n start a total new life. where i lead my life. n u lead urs. i be who i am. have my own group of frens who will be there for me. have my own life. have something for me to do everyday. need not worry tt i'lll have nothing to do n nowhere to go. currently, my life sucks. but i blieve everything will change. i believe in myself. i wan to lead my own life. n none of u shld have any say in it. its my life. not urs. shut ur gap. and stop bothering me. i am who i am. if u dun like it, scram. get tt? i dun need anyone of ur sort. dun try telling me what to do. cos i am who i am. u have no right to make who i am. get tt? u better do. hahas. so. stop getting urself involved in my life. nth's important. nth's making me happy. am i asking for too much? yes i am. all along. i thought all i shld do is to rely on the one who's there n there's nth else for me to worry about. but i'm so darn wrong. tt isnt the life i'm happy with. how much n how many times in my tis year i hope tt things wud go back to the past. but no. never will it happen. i'm being naive here. i'm beginning to fool myself. to lie to myself. knowing tt all those could never happen. i still hope for it. wish for it. its time someone give me 2 tight slaps across my face to wake me up. ive gotta wake up. or else i'll never know what's wrong or right.

living in tis world. i dont deny tt there're many regrets. i did alot of wrong things. from when i was young, stealing my sis' milk to now, doing some incredible wrong stuff. i've made myself tis way. making everyone detest me. making everyone look down on me. my life wasnt so bad. until back then. i'm thinking. if ive never mixed ard with jingquan n grp. i mayb have bcome a much more decent young girl. and now, i'll just add on to the population of nerdy guai kias. hahas. but no. i've to choose the path of making frens with jq tt grp. and now. tis is my outcome. ive to face so much freaking problems. and sometimes, those problems dont involved me. hhaas. how great a life i have now. there are just so many things ive regret. i dunno how many more am i gonna regret. but i noe my life aint gonna get any simpler. its getting tougher with everyday past. its getting more difficult to cope with. mayb this is how the god wants me to suffer. life alone has taken alot on me. its time i learn. like what he've said. i wont learn unless i fall real hard. hahas. i dunno. perhaps tts the way bahs. mayb i reali have to fall hard before i learn n mend my ways. but even if so. these regrets, these memories have already bcome part n parcel of my life. i wont be here at this moment without them. yeahs.. so. wads done is done. its too late to regret. cos there will never be any way out for it. they remain as my memory and they always will.

i'm just another naive girl living in tis world. thinking that everything's just the way i want them to be. i've not yet grown up. i've not yet have the ability to think like an adult. my life aint complicated. neither is it simple. sometimes, some small stuff can bring me to the worst of my mood. and some small stuff can cheer me up so much. life's a complicated word. and so is love. until now. i've been doubting. is tis a fairytale i chose to live in. or is it just tt i dun wanna face reality? until now, i've got no idea if i reali understand the meaning of love n life. these 2 words are the challenge of my life. the challenge i might never be able to win. getting myself involved in them. time n time again i fall. its time i pick myself up n find someone else to take care of me, to pamper me. and when i grow up, and learn. i will finally be able to learn independence. right now. i dun deny i cant live without frens. but tt isnt wad i wan. i wanna be independence. cos life aint easy. its tough. and it'll get tougher. i'm not even half way through my life n i'm calling out for help, shouting n complaining tt i'm tired. den how am i suppose to live thru my whole life? i wondered. i guess i belong to the group where pple gives up easily. hahas. mayb half way thru life, i decided to give it all up. hahas. well. i'm indeed jealous of those old peeps who are now successful, rich, having filial children who takes so very good care of them. they cant be here without hard work. i admire the way they pull themselves through. and i wanna be one of them.

i dunno. things arent going my way for this period of time. ive been feeling upset. ive never been ok. some period of time when i grew strong n things got better. but they topple aagain. i guess its me again. ive never n will never succeed in being happy. tts what i wish for. after so long my happiness is gone, what i wish for is for my happiness to find its way back to me. i dun wanna be unhappy. i hate crying. i hate the soft side of me. god. will u just help me?

well. what a long entry. hahas. well. plan on meeting darling tonite. but guess ive gotta have it cancelled. hahas. well. take care guys. tatas`

learn to cherish. never regret. tts what ive never been able to do. perhaps i'm not suppose to be in love.

[[ 350 days. a life filled with regrets, sorrows and nothing else... ]]

2004-11-01T01:12:00.000+08:00

backk. lol. okies. its a new day. 01 november 2004. hahas. 17 more daes to go honey. love you.

well. 31 oct 2004. its halloween!! hahas. did u guys went out to celebrate? i noe i didnt. cos i dont even remember it. lol. okies. oonly realised it was halloween when i walked past escape theme park with honey when i was on my way to the food court to get a drink n my carrot cake. gees* spent my dae wif honey. so nice. so sweet. love him. hahas.

well. nth much happened. just shopped for some tops with da jie. and nth else. grr* but it isnt as bored as other sundays. mwahahas*

well well. gonna call honey again. da jie wanna use com as well. nites guys. take care. missing ya guys. mwahs~

2004-10-30T21:10:00.000+08:00

todae's e` 30 oct. its been 5 daes since i blog. wo0 la la~ i reali dun need my blog so so much le. mwahahas~ okies okies. let's recap okies?

25 oct 04'
well. basically, if u read my blog for 25 oct, it actuali sucks larhs. so.. we're gonna move ahead n leave e` sad memories + e` past all behind us. alright? if not, either way, either one of us will get hurt all over again. let's promise to leave the past behind us. okies? promised* hmm. other than tt. we, e` sec ones n twos had interclass captain's ball competition. well. lost to 1h. but they sucks. didnt they push n elbow? tt was totally unfair. n wad i'm surprised is not tt my class have lost. but i didnt even make a noise when it comes to unfair treatments. i was reali shocked. perhaps i've began to grew more matured. perhaps i just made another step in life. i just continued with my life. realising now tt picking fights for all those crapps, is nothing but just a waste of time. from now on, i'm not gonna waste my breathe on all those shit. if they wanna play with me, bring it on. i've got nothing to hide, to get afraid about. wanna come, come. dun hesitate. and most imptly, dun regret wad u've done larhs. life's short. there's no time for you to stop half way through the process and dwell on the past. isnt it? and once again, to those dumb peeps in the sec 1 lot 2004', GET A LIFE.

26 oct 04'
its tuesday. no school for me. it was promotion dae. great. hahas. well. totally forgot where i went. bad memory i have here. hahas. siaos liaos. reali cant remember. but guess it aint great. mwahaas. tell you why later. follow up with e` updates n you'll know. mwahahas~

27 oct 04'
okies. its wednesday. went back to school. had dance course. woo la la~ tts totally so cool, so hot. mwahahas. though we didnt win for the class competition, but most imptly, my class is willing to learn. at least, the effort was seen. no regrets about it. and i definitely enjoy myself alot. hhaas. it is definitely fun n was a day to see happy faces, loud n cheerful n real laughters when u get to see kumar dance along n joked with us pple. love tis day loads!! its a memory of 1g never to be forgotten. yeahs? i lovve you guys loads*

28 oct 04'
gosh. it was definitely a bo0oring dae. had deepa n raya celebration. the t-k barat boiis simply rocks. hahas. said tt many times tis year. lols. den. went back to class for the last time with the class peeps. and was dismissed at 1230. i dont feel anything back at tt time. but. to think about it now, i reali miss my class peeps. those fun we had, those laughters, those quarrels, those disagreements. if its not for those, my class wudnt have been so special, so unique in its own sense. for the first time, i'm gonna say 1g isnt bad at all. =) after school. i headed down to darling's place. met him. talked. watched him play basketball. how cool. its been so long yeahs? saw him smiling. saw him enjoying his game. i'm happy. its not so bad afterall. hees*

29 oct 04'
the past few days is nowhere good. have been quarreling with darling. until now, ive got no idea if he's truly happy today. haiis.

well. woke up at 0730. got changed and everything. prepared my uniform n stuff. headed down to school to collect report book n results slip. well. speaking frankly. i aint even close to happy about my results n the class i was posted to. how sad. hahas. i didnt do as well tis time round. there was a tremendous drop in result for history. was disappointed. very. hahas. math got c5. -.-" however. it didnt sound tt bad overall. 1 a for cme, 2 a1s, 3 a2s, 3 b3s, 1 c5. sadd. hhas. came in 2nd the whole class. and 13th the whole level. lotsa peeps improved. definitely ehs? hahas. was posted to the first class of the whole level. 2I. was very upset when i heard tt. but. lotsa tchers n peeps were happy for me. haas. i dun mind being in the first class in any other places, but not tis school. hahs. feeling stressed out, pressurized. LOL.

went home sulking. everyone in the house didnt make any comment abt my results. seeing me looking so gloomy, they didnt make any noise about me going out. hahas. great. went out at 1300. headed down to pp to do my mani+pedi. hahas. so nice. den went down to taka. met up with janet. toked. den went to far east to shopp. got a top. reserved a bottom. lols. den walked. n went back to our place. pasir ris. mwahahs. met darling at his place. jeslyn n peishan den headed back home for show. and met them again at close to 12 midnight. before tt. wenta geylang. went there to walked with darling n linkin. the roads there were brightly litted. looked so nice. hahas. the ambience there was great. hahas. feel so loved. LOL. den went back. slackked at downtown east for awhile to plan. den wenta linkin's place with only darling, linkin n me. place with ftt sparklers or wadever u call tt. hahas. den watched vcd. listen to songs after tt show. and wenta bed. how sweet. had darling hugged me throughout the night. hahas. comfy worrs. hahas. woke up at about 9am. saw darling on the chair. so poor thing. he fell aslp while watching the god damn sunrise. which allows him to see the buildings being holy. cos the buildings were blocking his view. lols. den he fell aslp. -.-" after tt. we woke linkin up. den wenta have a drink at 24 hours. linkin fell aslp first last nite. boo!! darling n me fell aslp only at 4 plus 5 in the morning. hahas. was toking yeahs. was so close to him. i could even hear his heart beating. so close yet so far. i have no idea wad he was thinking back at tt time yeahs? hahas. confused* from kopitiam there, i didnt feel so happy. i dunno why. hahahs. perhaps its like. i dunno. LOL. wondering* den went back home at about 12. cos was slackking at a void deck till then wif darling. came home. watched meteor garden. goshies. its so sadd. nearly cried. but didnt. cos i could remember so clearly wad happened later on. HOW SAD. hahash. im jialat. den fell aslp after the show. woke up at like. 1830? woke darling up as well. sorry baobeii* den toked awhile. wenta bathe n do wadever i wanna do. later calling baobeii. hahas.

time flies todae. reali. dreaded to go home today. how i wish i could go back in time. and remain in darling's arms forever. a sense of security. a comfortable feeling. i could hear his heart beating. i could feel him. and i'm very certain tt i wudnt lose him tt moment. however, the good stuff will never last. it always come to an end. and it did. nearly cry lehs. hhahas. poor me.

well. ive gotta call tis an end. its a long entry. though there are longer entries than tis. i'm reali shagg. wanna break. wanna rest. i'm tired. yawns* lols. well. gonna rest for awhile. hahahs. and plan for the bbq for 1g and 6.3~ lols. dead. got lotsa plans. wahahas. the one i'm waiting for is to stay overnight with darling again. hehes* okies. stopp my crapp here. take care guys. love ya. [[ i dread the arrival of sundays ]] hahas. okies. tts all. mwahs~

[[ 347 daes. i'm sorry. but i still dun cant read wads on ur mind. i noe i aint a good girll. ]]

2004-10-25T23:18:00.002+08:00

i've indeed grew weaker emotionally. i'm beginning to cry and weep over every small little thing. for the past few days, all i did while toking to u, after toking to you is nth but crying. u know how terrible i actuali felt? i dunno. i reali find no reason carrying on wif my life. perhaps. its just tt i've began to grow tired of life. u claim tt you understand me. but do you reali understand the real me? i myself dont, so how could you. tell me. tell me how can you??!!?!?

for the past close to one year, ive lost so much frens. and needed to make new frens. i know life's gonna get tough on me after i moved. but i guess it wont be of a much difference cos you're always here for me. but. i guess you didnt make a big difference in any way. i dunno. i'm beginning to feel numb. what i wish for now is just to end my pathetic life. do you know tt? you says i'm choosy about the frens i want to make. but have you ever put urself into my situation and think why? its not always me complaining and doing all the shit things. its not always me. i told u pple ard me are fucked up. there isnt any way i can make new frens among those pple. things will just get worst if i befren them. life's reali tough. i dont have a choice. i wanna make frens. but took you into consideration. i try to find decent n nicer pple to befren with. so tt i wont give you any problems. but you says i'm choosy. everyone's picking on me nowadays. i dunno why. things arent going well.

time spent with you now are no longer fun n relaxing. i arent reali happy. time spent together with you now is much more pressurizing, i seem to be stressing myself out now more than usual. if i was given a choice to stay like tis and to go back to the days we normally quarrel, i would choose to go back to then. though those days were tough. but. at least i feel your love and care for me. unlike now. all i felt was nth more than reprimands. i feel tt we're beginning to drift apart. we arent close anymore. why? u're just like a stranger to me. the feeling i got from you now is much more undescribable than the first day i saw u and teased you about yiling's laogong matter. even though we didnt noe each other back tt time. but i felt much more closer to you then to now. why? all i felt from wadever you're giving now is nth but pressure n reprimand. almost every night, i'll get scolded or you'll say tis n that abt me. you're constantly putting pressure on me. i'm soon going loose my breathe and die at tt very moment. my heart no longer could thump slowly, it has to thump faster to catch up with your pace. it has to thump faster, if not i'll lose out. i feel sick. i aint feeling well. you didnt noe tt. hence, you continued with tt quick and bo chap attitude n pace towards me. i'm feeling as if i'm suffering from asthma. i'm feeling dizzy. just like i'll faint at any point of time. every nite, all i could think about is that if i still have the strength to carry on with life. i'm practically tired of my whole life. i'm wondering why wont you understand. you always think tt i'm alright. but i aint. i aint alright!!! i needed your love, your care. but where were you? all u given me was the scoldings, were the sayings about me tis n me that. do you know how i actuali felt? u never once said those things to me. but you do now. you simply has changed. i dunno what to do anymore. should i give up or should i continue? but i see no reason in you which can allow me to continue tis relationship. i dun wanna give up tis relationship. bcos i truly love u. love is a strong word to use. i knew i used it correctly some time ago. but i dunno if i'm using it correctly now. dun give me a reason to leave. give me some meaning to make me noe tt u're worth staying for.

all along, those quarrels, those scoldings, those sayings has reali taken a lot whole of me. its time i take a rest. ive been stressing myself out on tis relationship. ive been put under pressure which may seem to u as nothing big deal. the pressure n stress i'm facing now is the worst ive ever faced. it will take alot on me. i dunno if ive the strength to carry on.

now. after realising so many things after an hour of thinking, all i wanna tell you is tt. leave me alone n set me free if you insist on thinking the way youve been thinking for the past dunno how many months. if not, please give me a reason to stay.

i'm not asking for much. am i? ive been feeling very neglected. uve been treating me very coldly for so long. u said things got better. but now, everything is back to square. all i wan is more love n more care from u. i need the attention from u. i need the encouragement from u. i need the support from u. i need the care uve once gave me. i need the love uve once gave me. is tt too much to ask for? i doubt so. i dun wan a 24 carat diamond ring. i dun wan any thing but i just wan wadever tt uve once given me n has stop given me.. i'm possessive. i told u once. and i'm telling u again. i wanna possess u. and only u. i'm possessive.

if its too much to ask from you. i'm sorry. turn your head, leave and never come back. i just want to be with u like how i used to be. i just want things to be like in the past. i just want you to come back..

i just want you to come back.
is that too much to ask for?
will you come back for me?
i need you so.
i miss you so.
all i want is just for you to come back...

[[ 342.daes.all.i.want.is.just.for.you.to.come.back. ]]

2004-10-25T23:18:00.001+08:00

2004-10-25T23:18:00.000+08:00

2004-10-25T00:24:00.000+08:00

all i wanted was just a long n nice conversation with you. is tt too much to ask for? i dunno. god always make things go the wrong way for me. wanna sit down and have a nice conversation wif you. somehow, somewhere, someone have to come into the picture and there goes the conversation. do you noe how sad i was when i had to hang up? yes, u didnt ask me to hang up. yes, i could have just done the least to ask u not to talk to them and tell u i wan to talk to you. i know i could do tt at least. but i dun wanna make it a point whereby all ur time is only for me. i told u i was possessive. u didnt choose to believe. at tt moment, all i wanted was just to talk to you and not wan to hang up. but instead of letting u asking me to hang up n call u back later on, i chose to hang up first. everytime when u meet up with your frens, ask me to call back. do you know how i actuali felt? i dunno. all i felt was neglected. wanting to talk to u so much. but too bad for me. i dunno. is it reali too much to even ask for tt??

i'm beginning to doubt myself. to doubt everyone, everything. no one seems to be like who they reali are. at any moment, at any point of time, one could change. and tt hurts me alot. i'm wondering why. why things have to go tis way. things might be better if i've acted more possessive. things might be much much better. letting u talk wif him, letting u have another thought, pose another danger to me. now. u're ok with letting me to keep my frenster account open. but with you opening another account. basically, i wanted to close it when u tok abt it is bcos i know if u open an account, we'll be over soon. quarrels will come continuosly. just look at msn. msn alone could lead to so many freaking quarrels. now. msn and frenster. like i've said. i'm beginning to doubt myself. i find myself no longer can trust anyone. wadever you've said, wadever promise you've broken. made me wonder hard. if things will ever go back to the past. will history repeats itself. i dont dare to trust. i dont dare to hope. i've been living in a world of darkness, loneliness even though u appeared. u appeared. things may be better. but. quarrels are not avoidable. those quarrels made me realise lots of stuff and at the same time, made me realise wad kinda world i'm living in. i dunno. i noe i'm not as good as ur ex-girlfrens. i noe i'm way far bhind them. i noe i'm unreasonable. i noe i'm selfish. i noe i'm attitude. i noe i noe i noe!! tt isnt wad i want too. i didnt mean to break my promise. but i had a reason bhind it. not i dun want to delete the frenster account. but i cant dump my frens and everything there right? its been so god damn long since i wanna see them. i miss them so so much. i would give my life just to see the class gather together be it for just tt hour or two. i dun mind giving my life just to see them. they are important to me. and so are you.

everytime we quarrel. wadever may be the reason. tears wud welled up in my eyes. my face turns red. tears start flowing. i'll start msging you. waiting for your replies. after i sent out the msges just now. all i did was to sit on the bed, holding on to my phone, waiting for your replies. everytime i see my phone lighted up wif a beep sound, i knew it was a msg. how i hope it was urs. but it isnt. i start to panic. for fear you might leave me here all alone and never come back. i went to take a bath to calm myself down. but all i could do is to think if u've replied, if my phone is ringing with tears still rolling down as i stand under the flowing water. when i come out from the toilet, i received your msges. you sounded so cold. i had no idea wad to do. and started crying. call me a cry baby. call me a bitch. but please dont leave me. drop me a msg and ask if i'm ok. to let me noe tt at least you're still there to care for me. close to an hour has past. all i hope for, all i wish for didnt come true. my heart is still thumping hard n fast. feeling so afraid tt you might not be there for me anymore. but i know it was all my fault. i could blame no one but myself. but wont you just msg me again, making me noe n feel that you're still here for me?? i wonder.

as the clock ticks as every second past by, as every love song on my playlist was played. i'm growing weaker. my heart starts to thump harder n faster. i'm feeling more afraid with the cold wind blows. wondering why didnt you msg me. all i need now is just a msg from u. telling me that everything's ok. but i know it's impossible. cos tts too much for me to ask from you. all along, ive been asking alot from you. its time i stop and repay you. but all the time, after all the quarrels, you told me the same thing. from all the love i gave you, you felt nth but pain. just when we talked about if we'll end up ending our relationship last nite, tonight i'm feeling tis way. finally able to feel everything bit by bit. all alone, i've reali been asking too much. but i cant repay u with happiness. u're right. if i were to get together wif another guy, i would long ago get dump. cos wad i ask for is reali too much. mayb the least i could do to make you regain your happiness is to let go. instead of adding up to your unhappiness, i should let go n at least, u'll be happier off with your basketball. and mayb one day u'll find a girl who is the one u've been yearning for in your whole life...

i'm sorry i cant be perfect...

2004-10-24T21:21:00.000+08:00

bacck. so sians. was rotting my day off. hahas. last nite was enjoyable. =)

23 oct 04'
was rotting at home till about errr.. 1500pm bahs. yeahs. wenta meet e` guys at downtown east. wenta e` arcade as its raining. den headed down to the pool after awhile. swam for awhile. the guys were cute!! hees* den wenta e` beach wif darling, linkin n hweepeng. fatt went home. his probation's still on. wasnt very happy wif him too. hahas. guys are reali jialat. well. forget it. den went back at 2100+pm. walked in the rain wif darling. was coldd. brrr~* den walked n ran barefooted after the first bridge. hahas. so cute nehs. hahas. was reali happy that very moment. its been so long since i feel like a kidd. gees* got home kinda late. abt 2330 if i'm not wrong. haas. was tired. but slept late too.. waited for his msg. -.-" had quite some things to think about. well. it shldnt be bothering me bahs. LOL.

24 oct 04'
lols. same line will appear on every sunday's entries. hahas. sunday sucks. bo0oring day. sians sians. nth to do de. didnt go out. wanted to stay at home. was all alone at home. till about evening dajie came home. got prepare. den went out for her fren's wedding. yupps. today mahs. actuali wanted to sleep thruout till tmll morning de. but mummy woke me up. so well. beauty sleep gone. grrr~* woke up. did nth. slackked infront of the com. he was still slping. so was all alone doing nth until he msg me. toked for awhile. er jie wanna use fone. den toked again. he met up wif nicholas. went for coffee. so i chose to hang up first. if not i'll be asked to hang up the fone soon. so. in order to feel better, i chose to hang up. hahs. well. chat wif aiai online. she's now not very happy wif her mr ma. cos he didnt reply his msg. tt guy. oso dunno wad he's doing. jialat. well. my eyes cant open. i'm gonna catch a warm bath n get my butt on e` bed. tired yeahs?? e` weather is brrr~ hahas. the weather's cold larhs. gundo0~ haas. sians. its monday tmll. monday blues!! b0o~!!!! well. guess i'll be sulking the whole of tmll. LOL. tts abt it bahs. take care guys. nitey. tatas`

yousaidyoudidntwantolosemeaswell.
butwhydoyoustillactttway?
younotonlybrokemummy'sheart.
youbrokedajie's,erjie's.
andmineaswell.
evenalancanthink.whycantyou?
answerme.
youhaventbeentreatingusfairly,
foryears.
wadareyougonnadoaboutit?
idunnohowlongmoreimgonnaseemummycry.
ihatetoseemummyupset.
doyouknowtt?
forgetit.
i'llstillleaveoneday.
unforgiven`

[[ 341.daes.24.daes.more.to.go.n.we're.one.year.together. ]]

2004-10-24T16:11:00.000+08:00

i'm back. hahas. got home close to 0000am last nite. so didnt blog. needed my beauty sleep urgently. LOLS.

23 oct 04'
hmm. went out wif darling n linkin n fatt. met them at downtown east bus stop. was raining. hahas. well. after the rain stopped, went to e` swimming pool at costa sands resort to swim. they were lame. behaving like small kiddos. hhahs. i was at a corner inside the pool. it was drizzling slightly only bahs. den was in e` pool for abt an hour plus. den we went to get changed. den linkin wenta find hwee peng. den darling, fatt n me wenta eat at kfc. tok abt lotsa things. and fatt. haiis. disappointing. LOL. wan darling to bring him to a stupid ktv where all girls there are half naked next year after his probation. hahas. tt is still long. dun have to worry abt tt. cos as time pass, there will be many changes. hahas. well. after eating, which was about an hour later, we went to the beach leaving fatt out. he gotta go home. probation's still on. den me n darling slackk at the entrance of the pasir ris beach there. waiting for linkin. gosh. he's so damn long lorhs. when they reach. walk in there. sitted at a rock. waiting for time to pass. den at abt 2100. hwee peng have to go. so we slowly walk out. den it started to drizzle den rain. darling n i walked in the rain barefooted after we crossed the 1st bridge. lol. got so wet. wenta dry ourselves at downtown's toilet. den took number 3 n darling sent me home. hahs. its a very enjoyable night i would say. its been so so long since i play in the rain. hahas. i think soon i get fever. or am i oreadi having fever? LOL.

today. so sians. its a sunday. wad u wan. hahas. there's school tmll. so borring. then there wont be school on tuesday!! yeahs~!! cos.. tuesday's boring. we'll have 2 hours of math. tt will be so so so boring. but luckily, tuesday's school promotion day. no school!! yippies~!! wahahas. i'm waiting for friday. i'm gonna enjoy myself like crazy. first. i'm going to collect results. hope it wont be bad. if not, all plans cancelled. haiis. *cross my fingers* if result's not tt bad, i will be going down to the plaza to do my nails. after tt, i plan to go wild wild wet with my girls provided things go right for me. den go jes' hse change n so. den mayb go town or wadd. den meet darling in the evening. hahas. den they say at night go east coast tonn. lols. tt should be the plan. but not confirm. might change due to any changes. yeahs..

hmm. darling still slping lehs. haben receive his msg. mayb call him later bahs. let him sleep awhile longer.

grrr. me no money le. left with 10 bucks nia. need another 50 bucks by next friday. goshh. where the hell am i gonna find those kinda of money. shucks!!den horrs. by mid next month, i needa get at least another 80 bucks. gosh. i'm dying soon. no money le. hurrs. i one week how much nia. gosh. yao si le. haiis... needa scrimp n save harder. haiis~ hols is all about money. sians... grrr~!!

well. gonna go do some stuff le. tonight will be rotting bahs. LOL. take care guys. rest earli tonight. enjoy. mwahs`

things might not go well for me anymore.
bcos life is unfair.
just when things are getting better.
new things happen and ruin everything.
how many times all tis must happen??
i dunno.
god. please sympathize me.
i just wan some peace...

[[ 341 days. 24 more days to go n we're 1 year together~!! mwahs` ]]