vivian.
13 going on 14.
18 april.
attached
you and me. ilu*
wish list`
good relationship with him.
his birthday.
tone n slim down.
march holidays.
sun tanning. my birthday.
nite safari.
more tops.
heels.
flip flops.
shoes.
Friday, December 31, 2004 well. wednesday is boooooring.. super ultra booooring. hahas. hmm. woken up by mum early morn. cant sleep. did house chores. watched mvp. slept for an hour odd. then woke up. e pple came changed e bed. nicer. slimer. nicer. l0ls. then helped mum to put everything back. worked my ass out e whole day. drop dead damn early tt nite. nahs.. hahas. had lotsa shit happened tt nite. l0ls. shant talk about it. upset memories shall be thrown aside. unlike those happy-worth-remembering memories. those are the ones pple will wanna remember. and talk about it with anyone. well. slept at like lets say, 0430hrs. woke up at 0900hrs. bathed. got changed. headed down to town. l0ls.
got my brother's uniform. mummy got herself and i a mng top. weets~!! then wenta find my heels. didnt find any i like from charlesnkeith n vnc. how disappointing. but will be on search for heels again tml!! gonna buy a skirt prolly. yeahs. mummy's real kind these few days. wonder why. hahas. alrights. today suck. though it was happey shopping. like i say, i shant talk about it anymore.
hmm. got no plans for tml yet. darling's working. meeting him in the evening. then we're going where?? i dont know. haiis. prolly, darling n me will take neos. bwahahs. for how long le sweetie?? l0ls- we dont know where to go. prolly catching kungfuhustle. midnight show hopefully? hahas. see how. but the night, will be.. hahahs. im not sure too.
well. alrights. im very tired. gonna go then. update when i come home.. on the lets see.. 010105. mwahahas.. ;)
e bitches whom once seem angels are gone. they are just a bunch of dumb bimbos who know nth. nth but playing guys out and think highly of emselves. they failed to be a bimbo. no large bust. no butt. no brain. is tt wad a bimbo is? l0ls. dont disgrace the bimbos. though they arent accepted by everyone. they are so dumb, they are so dumb. this is wad ill say. cos saying further on, ill waste my time. that bunch of i-dont-know-what-things wont understand. neither are they matured nor clever enough to understand. so. well kids. grow up. this world may seems easy to grab hold of. but it isnt. its time you kids learn. be matured. dumbasses. good night guys. tatas`
[[ 409` e-nevergrownup-s. saddened` ]]
[missed you`] at 12/31/2004 01:05:00 AM
Wednesday, December 29, 2004 alrights alrights. enough of hearing pple discussing abt e tsunami. okays. i thought it only happened in like.. the day after tomorrow. the movie. LOLS. but nahs. this tsunami got real serious. lotsa pple died. all around asia. spore is so lucky to be surrounded by... like indonesia as located in e world map. great. thank god our area is safe, so very safe. but its very upset to see so many pple died. bcos of one tsunami. wad happened?? hmmmm.. im wondering.. mayb wadever theory e movie came up with.. really do happen in real life. or should i say.. will have a damn high possibility of happening. after this tsunami. ive got no idea how bad it is. cos i know nothing. hahas. i was just too busy relaxing n slping. hahas.
hmm. was out at 1600hrs on 28 dec. wenta find darling at alantis park. talked things out. the day was good. i felt secured once again. seriously secured. thanks darling.. =) well. to be in his arms again is sucha blessed feeling. i just wanna stay this way for life. i feel great. really great. =)
hmm. pple's coming to like change e bed tml. will be at home. mayb the whole day?? but darling MAY come to visit the pathetic me. l0ls. if not, ill stay at home n chiong vcds. wahahs. thursday im having e last modeling course. then will be going over to carine's bbq at around 2200hrs. then going back home an hour odd later?? cos darling would be sending me back. i dont want him not to be able to catch e last bus home. then friday would be spending the whole day with honey. perhaps ill make plans for tt day. the night would be just for the 2 of us. hees C= i wanna be in his arms the whole night. a good night of rest. perhaps. hahas. depending on where we'll be at. mayb going to darling's home. mayb we'll be staying out somewhere outside. i dont know. tt will still have to ask darling. well well. gonna go. im getting real tired. hahas. really hoping things will go the best for us. darling i love you <3
alrights. feeling darn tired.. yawns* okays. had bbq over at marcus' place. had a booooring time at first. but things got hot after some time. took pictures. nice nice. hahas. had a very fun time bbqing. eating actually. l0ls. well, darn happy. get to see my long lost fren. l0ls. tts too kua zhang. hahas. clique kinda well with marcus' parents. tts good. l0ls. well. planned for another bbq next year. shld be on the same day. prolly not. hahas. not sure. gotta plan it again. asap. i dont know why. hahas. left at about 2100hrs. siti n i stayed around till 2140hrs. and me, stayed till 2230hrs den went home. was waiting for honey's call. very worried. but till now, he hasnt call. hope he is really sleeping..
well. had quite a tiff with honey. tts sad. from last nite till now. it still hasnt got out of my mind. im still wondering. perhaps he just isnt my prince...
i dont know. gotta get some rest now. gonna go bathe. and go to bed prolly. if not im gonna chiong vcds. l0ls. now i realised ive got the mvp vcds set. bwahahs. have no idea abt tml. hope tml will be better.. well. just hoping honey would call me. and im off now. really tired. well, really hoping for darling to call. waiting for his call. missing him. im worrying as time pass.
tatas all`
[[ 406` e trust is gone. pointless. ]]
[missed you`] at 12/28/2004 01:05:00 AM
Monday, December 27, 2004 sunday; 261204'
hmm. sunday.. let me think.. hmm. shan came to my house to borrowed bag. i then left with her at 4 plus. wenta get my hair cut. weets~!! i like it alot. mwahahas. C= by the time i fnsh cutting my hair.. its like an hour later.. tts about 1800hrs. wenta shan's place. then to jes' place. and fell aslp at jes' place. l0ls. went d0wn to meet honey for dinner at 1900hrs. wenta seashell park. watch e charity show while eating. sly sang tt anjing. n taufiq sang i dream. after watching, darling n me wenta seashell park. sit sit, talk talk and laugh our ass out. l0ls. went home. played gb with honey. haiis. end up having a small tiff on frenster. l0ls. and i end up closing my frenster account. ytd 0426am. l0ls. alrights. mayb ill regret. mayb ill not. i dont know. but if e ending sucks. i guess i just have to open another account. thats all. so. well. relax. enjoy~!! l0ls. wth.
m0nday; 271204' alrights. watched mvp in e morning. then here to blog. going out in another hour's time. to meet up with my pri classmates~!! weets~!! feeling darn happy. just hope i wont get disappointment in return. well, now's tomorrow, ai qing bai pi shu. nice show. but gonna miss it. haiis.
well, i dont know how things will go. just hoping n wishing for the best. and hope things btween me n him will be like ytd; and the day before.. i just want us to be happy sweetie..
well well. gotta go. gonna go prepare.. hees. update again tonight.
until now havent hear from you. just feeling kinda worried. worrying tt this' e end. the trust is not there anymore. not even a very little bit. how much disappointed shld i get. i dont know. just hoping to hear from you soon. miss you;
tatas all`
[[ 405` a day of fun, laughters, joy n tears. ]]
[missed you`] at 12/27/2004 01:29:00 PM
Sunday, December 26, 2004 UPDATES~!! C=
alrights.. let's see..
24 dec 04', x'mas eve. hmm.. grace reached my place 1st. followed by peishan. then jeslyn. then ray and cheryl. lastly, darling and fatt.
well. this' kinda bad bad xmas. 2nd cocked up xmas with darling.. how sad.. sobbs. forget it. i believe next year will be better.
okays. slackked at my house. played games, watched vcds, ate, drank. then my group of frens left at 2215 hrs. ray and cheryl headed down to town. me, darling, grace, jes n shan left for pasir ris. att went back at 2000hrs due to probation. when reached pasir ris, went shan's hse. me n darling then sat down n talked. then later, we wenta grace's hse. ate, drank, slackked. was laughing our asses off. then went out of her house at 0230hrs. then went back to pasir ris at like 5am. leaving only me, jes n shan. reached pasir ris, slackked around. aloy's gang n 2 guys had dispute. dumbasses. slacked around. nua nua nua~ shan went home first. then me to darling's place at 0700hrs. then jes went home. was kinda fun at darling's place. was so very sneaky. l0ls. slept for like 2 hours odd. then waited for darling to get changed. then went to 24hrs for breakfast. reached home at like 1100hrs..
25 dec 04', x'mas~!! reached home. bathed. waited for hair to dry. then slept. from close to 1300hrs to 1600hrs. slackked. then wenta pasir ris met peishan. headed down to tampines mall. got carine's birthday gift. shopped. then slackked around alone. from 1930hrs to 2030hrs. waiting for darling to fnsh his show with fatt. met darling. small tiff. then walked to sunplaza park. shant go into details. sobbs. well. afterall, im glad i didnt leave. things then went so well btween me n darling. slackked around. walked back to pasir ris. then took bus home at 2350hrs. reached home like at 0015hrs. bathed. and now here im blogging. waiting for darling's call to play gb. but dont know if he's aslp or not. gotta check. but dont know how to. perhaps asking jofri again. haiis. okays okays. im getting sleepier. hahas. dont know if tonight eh tong. hahas. well. dont know what are my plans tml yet. guess ill be guaii. l0ls. will update again. hahas.. alrights. im gonna check if darling's awake. tatas all` enjoy yeahs. hols' ending. sobbs. tatas`
[[ 404 days. i realised it. finally. <333>
[missed you`] at 12/26/2004 01:21:00 AM
Friday, December 24, 2004 x'mas eve~!! (>.^)v
ohmygosh.. im darn tired. darndarn tired.
well. just done packing my room..
at least its now much better, so much neater.
despite the time n effort ive spent. l0ls.
alrights. had modeling course on thurs.
was a fun fun one. hahas.
i like the way nixem dressed.
shirling's going to paris today. yeahs..
darling then came to fetch me..
wenta p.p to eat.
den sat down talk talk..
den darling sent me home.. C=
well. darling's going for a run at east coast later.
with his camp. hahas.
den he's gonna renew his passport at tampines safra.
cos he's flying this 25 dec. haiis..... well~
he den come meet me... weets~!!
well. guess peishan's coming over early.
hope jes n grace will come early too..
then we're gonna like watch vcds throughout.
since ive done my job which is suppose to be done later.
cant wait to see my girlies n my boy.
cant wait to start the fun.
cant wait to start partying~!!!
cant wait for the bbq later..
and definitely cant wait for things to get hot tonite.
bwahahs.. hope my day wont get ruined.. *winkss
hahas. well well. my brother's bdae is over..
happy bdae boy, study hard, play hard!! all e best!!
hmm.. well.. everyone have a nice n warm xmas..
to my darling laogong..
i just wish for things to go e best for us from now on.
no more quarrels or wadsoever..
e road of love is never easy..
i believe we will be together till death do us part.
missing you. iloveyou <333
to all my girlies..
thanks babes for everything.
all the best to you girls.
im here 24/7. just give me a call.
and ill be there.. rock on!!
to all my guys..
thanks handsomes.. hahas.
thanks for everything..
all the best.. and you guys rock!!
to all my new frens..
thanks alot.
for making me know tt u guys are there.
just wanna wish you guys all e best..
im here always in return..
take care.. lovedd`
okays okays.. im really shagged.
going off then. tatas` enjoy~!!
[[ 402 daes of love.care.fights.quarrels.loveyou ]]
[missed you`] at 12/24/2004 03:59:00 AM
Thursday, December 23, 2004 21st dec 04' well, celebrated this Dong Zhi. chinese festival. ate riceball dumplings. nice nice. i simply love my mommy!! was a good girl. didnt went out at all. hahas. good girlie. but day wasnt good as well. shant talk about it. i just live life as it is. and i sleep my night off. at 3 plus. hahas. thats ME.
22nd dec 04' okays. a wild and fun day. but i didnt really enjoy myself. mayb only for the part.. where i shake like no one else's business, when i dance and shout all my problems away.. had this high tea dance party with e girlies. at planet paradium. at spore shopping centre. yeahs. its a discotheque. kinda small. not big enough. hahs. the dance floor was pathetically small. i shall comment no more. well. the first music suck. ketchup song. ooohmygod. then came a damn happening song. i like it. iloveit. its Let's Get Loud if im not wrong. i went crazy after that. was dancing n shaking for like 4 to 5 hours straight. non stop dancing with high heels.. weets~!! the music got worse as time pass. but it got nicer when its coming to e end of e dance marathon. played games with the girlies. took pictures. and stuff. had a fun time shaking bahs.. hhahahs. i never know i could shake so well. hahahas. okays, not say well. perhaps it just tt i could shake. l0ls. after we got out of planet paradium, our legs gave way. l0ls. sat down and slackked. for awhile while. den headed down to town. got my xmas' gifts for ba0beii and brother. yet to get for grace and april. yupps.. 2 more to go. hahahs. by tomorrow. yes, tomorrow. ate at macs for dinner. went home after that. yeahs.
23rd dec 04' happy 10th birthday boy!!
its just another night of tears..
alrights.. got this from bullentin board. it goes:
Don't let a boy cry. If a boy cries in front of you, it means that he couldn't take it anymore. If you took his hand, he would stay with you for the rest of your life; If you let him go, he couldn't go back to being himself anymore. A boy won't cry easily, except in front of the person who he love the most, he becomes weak. A boy won't cry easily, only when he love you the most, he put down his ego. Girls, if a boy cried bcoz of you, please hold his hands firmly, he's the one who would stay with you for the rest of your life. Girls, if a boy cried bcoz of you, please don't give him up, maybe bcoz of your decision, you ruin his life.
To my friends...Ponder this message seriously. Don't do this to a boy, You may regret for the rest of your life. Maybe in your life, he's the only one that love you the most. Remember this lesson...
This message originally forwarded from a friend of mine, who share most of my personal problems. This message reminds me what my ex-Girlfriend did to me last time. Sometimes she would sms me asking me to forgive her. I asked her, is that really important to you? She said yes. Bcoz she wants to feel better, after lying to me. She did break my heart. I took 10 months to forget this heartache. Even though, we couldn't be lovers, I really hope she finds someone better than me. Here, i just want to let you know, i forgive you for all what you put me through. Although, i cried bcoz of you.
its meaningful. the meaning behind it touches one. this somehow gave me things to think about. gave me some assurance.. i dont know if this' for real. but i hope i wont be wrong anymore. cos i believe in it...
alrights. a tiring lame night. stupid night. very tired. gonna sleep soon. quite a long entry. hmm, but up till now, audrey had yet to reply me thru msn. guess she's busy with her boy. so well, guess gonna talk to her tomorrow. hahs.
hmm. having 2nd last modeling course tomorrow. before that, im going to like buy gifts. im prolly chilling somewhere with april? then going to lesson earlier. yupps. den wait for my king to fetch me home. yupps.
brother's birthday. boy, be smarter. study hard. quit eating so much, itll be good for you. take care and yes, be smart, be quick. all the best!!
alrights. im late. late for some promise. sorry* gonna go orh orh now. really shag. rest early. tatas all`
[[ 401 days. we're too close n it causes problems. ]]
[missed you`] at 12/23/2004 01:59:00 AM
Tuesday, December 21, 2004 i dont know. im getting very tired. im tired of worrying yet get reprimanded. im tired of you being so irresponsible. im tired of being a fool.
being unable to accompany you to e docs, i used to feel very upset. but at least, at least you arent like this. but now, you bother about nothing. but only about the vcds im lending you..
it seems so no link.. but.. now i feel nothing when youre gone. im worried, yes i am. but it means nothing. nothing anymore... why?? tell me why.. tell me why.. i hate the way things are going now.
if only you know, how upset i am. i hope you will change n make me a lil happier.
being together for so long.. i make mistakes.. you make mistakes.. but wad is important is tt we're willing to change. to change for the better for one another..
time passes so quickly.. im beginning to grow tired due to the changes. the changes tt makes me wanna leave as days pass. why?? sweetie, tell me why..
i once thought we could be together for life.. and have a happily ever after's fairytale.. but now, looking back at those naive thoughts.. i cant help laughing at myself and call myself a fool.
for the past 1 year 1 month n 3 days.. the stories have been repeating themselves. the fairytale has no more pages to flip, yet e both of us arent writing more pages, more pages to let the story continue. we arent giving ourselves any chances. but no one wanna say anything.. what we've been doing.. is just letting the story to repeat.. the characters in the story, the people reading the book, will eventually find it boring, and will just decide to change a book..
mayb you dont find it boring. mayb youre sastisfied with this.. but im not.. im tired of this.. i wanna create more pages with you.. but are you willing?? if youre not, let me know.. ill leave and find my new story.....
i dont know.. perhaps its time to say goodbye. perhaps its time to let go.. or perhaps its time to search for a new fairytale..
darling.. i dont wanna live without you. darling i cant do without you. darling i dont want to be without you. a day or two, i cant bear to.. give ourselves a chance to change for the better. let us create a better n happier future.. alrights??
i still love you.. let me see some hope in our relationship.. never forget.. our promise.. till death do us part... love you.. <3
>-(¯·b a b y + d a r l i n g·¯)-->
our story begins on e 18 nov 03' our story only comes to an end when we die. loving you. loving you. loving you. loving you. loving you.
[missed you`] at 12/21/2004 05:40:00 PM
Monday, December 20, 2004 well. im really upset. very upset. supposedly, im meeting my boy. but he didnt get to stop in time. so ended up at seletar camp area. now, back at pasir ris. i dont know. feeling kinda tired. tired of all kinda nagging n stuff. frustrated. i really am..
i dont know. felt upset by his words. he said.. my life really sucks.. he told me tt before we got together. and after we got together.. for so many times.. i dont know i dont know.
for now, there's something on my mind. i somehow came to some kind of decision. but will it happen or not, im not sure.. it might, it might not.. ive got nothing to say about this yet.. everything's yet to come.. i doubt you arent gonna bother even if it happen. it seems like i can predict wad will be happening.
you told me hahas.. positively, u wont touch ciggies for 2 weeks. negatively, a few days.. hahas.. you yourself gave me a date.. which is before 25 dec 2004. but if you arent gonna even fulfil wad you say. i wont have any regrets in my decision. though i know you wont come back.. i dont know.. ive been thinking..
yes, ive changed. but you did too. i no longer know you.. cos you aint the johan i once used to know. youve changed so much overtime.. i see no point in our relationship.. wanting to give up.. but i cant help looking back at e memories.. knowing tt we once used to be e happiest.. i dont see a point why we cant now.. tell me why im feeling like this.. tell me why...
hahas. i doubt i can get any answer from u. so, well.. im somehow giving up deep inside. all i know, all i can say is.. you aint like this before..... you aint like this.. the feelings i got from you now.. the feelings im feeling now.. is so very different.. you made me feel like.. you're just another typical guy out there. i once thought you were special.. real special.. but why things have to go the other way now? tell me why.. ive e right to know why.. i wanna know why..
the tears wont stop dropping for you.. but it gradually stops in no time.. why is this so?? mayb its bcos of what you told me.
well, i realised ive become mentally weak. im no longer tt confident.. pple usually cant put me down no matter what.. but they now could easily do so.. haiis.. dont know what's up with me.. i really dont know.. haiis.......... so damn frustrated. irritating..
but.. will i really be happier after tt?? or am i happier like this?? i really dont know.. perhaps.. mayb.. perhaps.. ive got no idea... i cant see the future.. be it with him or not.. well... forget it.. im going off.. perhaps resting early.. perhaps gonna just lose another nite of rest.
tatas all`
are you really like this? or are you putting up a front? or is this just another scam? ive been wondering.. let me know. let me suspect no more. let me think no more.. why... as day pass.. i find more reasons to leave, than to stay.. no offence. but im feeling this way.. give me a reason to stay, if you truly love me..
[missed you`] at 12/20/2004 10:20:00 PM
UPDATES~!! 18 dec` went out my house at abt 8am. met darling at his place.. headed to 24hrs for a drink. headed down to the mrt station. then to sentosa~!! weets~
reached sentosa like at 11 plus. headed for lunch at bk. den walked around. then took a bus to siloso beach. actually wanna go to palawan. but.. okays. ahahs. shant talk much. went there. din do much. went into the water.. came up.. sat down. watched e guys bball-ing. it rained. slackked around. went off at like 3 plus 4pm. saw sean n his fren. wenta had dinner at e hawker centre. jun teck went home.. terrence darling n me wenta e shopping centre. slackked. took 100 to queensway. walked around. took train back to pasir ris. wenta terrence's place. slackked. stayed over. went home in the morning.
19 dec` came home. bathe. ate. slept. woke up. headed down to pasir ris at 4pm. slackked ard alone. had a talk with deshun. met darling. didnt talk. had a small tiff. got okays. sat around n talked. den back to punggol. slacked at garden. den darling went home. helped sis' wrapped xmas gift. received mine.. so cute... hahas. sis bought me a small hangbag.. mwahs~!! so nice worrs. hahash.. den slept at like 0000hrs. hahas.
20 dec` woke up at 11am. just in time for mvp valentines. sad sad. den watched dumb shows. and now, blogging. dont know what to do.. slacking prolly. or just head down to like compasspoint? l0ls. hmm. tml's going town. appointments.. plus searching for gifts. thanks to my sis. i noe where to get gifts. wahahahs. okays.. feeling bored. haben hear from dear the whole day. there's a miss call from someone i dont know. wondering if tts darling.. haiis.. worried. just hoping he would call me soon.. alrights.. gotta go gotta go. im going back to sleep. tired.. hahas. see how yeahs?? and ill blog again.. tatas all`
missing my darling. where are you sweetie? hope to hear from you soon. i miss you. ilu` mwahs <3
[[ 398 daes. missing you. ilu` ]]
[missed you`] at 12/20/2004 01:56:00 PM
Saturday, December 18, 2004 aiites. like wtf. im pissed. so very pissed. fucking hell. alrights. im pissed. so pissed. fuck fuck fuck. now ive got no mood for tml's trip. i wont have mood in any way. once its ruin, its ruin. guess im giving it a miss. if not, the guys' gonna see my face. black face. burnt face. a face of anger.
pple here trying to show more concern. you dont appreciate, yet i earn some crap scoldings. fuck. was trying to let you know how much i worry. but no, instead, i was misunderstood. fucking hell. i oreadi told grace. u will be like this. yes, you proved me right. thanks ah.. im fucking pissed. if i were to sleep now, i wont be able to wake up early. i dont know what is your fucking problem. but all i know is tt you're happier with ur frens than me. youve proved me right afterall. from the previous entry until now. ive been trying to think tt things will go good for this outing. but no. you oreadi ruined it. why?? meeting so darn early, ask you to be home n rest early, oso so difficult. cycle all e way to changi to eat. i wondered how much i actually meant to you. asked for a nite out for cycling. plan failed. my enthusiasism all gone. and now.. i dont know you. i really dont. fuck ffuck fuck. now at teck's place. hahas. at first when you left my area, you told me you'll be home early to rest. den came the supper. let you go. n you asked for more. you're far too much. im worried. tts why i didnt go to sleep. n i got scolded for tt. thanks mister johan. its so fucking difficult to get you home early just to rest. and now, my mood is like this. rest assured i'll have attitude for the rest of the day. you know me. dont tell me you dont. thanks alot mister johan.
well. if im going to bed, i definitely cant wake up. but ive got nothing to do now. it seems like you have oreadi go into ur dreamland. so, there's nothing i can say oso. im just still very fucking pissed. i dont know what is your fucking problem. crazyy. im glad i didnt cried for long. well. decision made. im going to bed. which 90% mean tt im not going. im very pissed. GOOD NITE. fuckyou.
[missed you`] at 12/18/2004 04:56:00 AM
happy 1 year n a month sweetie. smooches`
aiites. was at home like the whole day. till like 2100hrs. wenta meet darling. walked to p.p. saw john n co. tt fool. he just cant stop suaning me. hurr. right. den wenta have a drink. see darling play ball. yupps. hes really happy when hes playing ball. den wenta sit n talked abt some stuff. planned abt tomorrow's outing to sentosa.
waking up like at 7am?? going to sentosa like at 9am. gonna tan for 3hrs. back n front. den gonna play in water.. yeahs.. den going back at like evening. den might be going to suntec... cos its gonna be open till like 1am. yupps. spore very first time. l0ls.
alrights. a sudden lost of mood. cos i somehow know how things will go tml. and im darn upset. haiis.. haiis. haiis. haiis. sad sad.. why?? i hate myself. im just hoping tt im wrong. will i be?? please god. please let me be wrong. very wrong. very very wrong. i dont wanna get back to my strange self.. but tml is just another chance. it will be, i guess. i aint feeling good. cos i somehow noe tt things will go wrong. i have no fucking reasons why. fuck man. why wont i just die. fuck fuck fuck!!!
fuck it. im feeling so confused. dont know. fuck it. im going to bed. tatas all` rest well. sorry. hoping tt tml will turn out good. i hope. somehow knew tt tml wont be good. but i had no way to escape from it. it will be. sorry for having these doubts. im really upset now. i will be if things goes the way i think. darling, promise me things will go my way tml. promise me. i cant take it.. i really cant. promise me not to hurt me. promise me it wont happen. promise me... [[ 396 pages` happy13anniversary, sweetie. ]]
[missed you`] at 12/18/2004 01:13:00 AM
Friday, December 17, 2004 hmm. today isnt any good day. sighs* alrights alrights. me n darling had a little problem. but its solved by now. thank god. hahahs.
well. was out with grace for lunch at kfc. im really sick n tired of kfc by now. urghs~!! hmm. den met darling at like 4pm. i was punctual. finally. l0ls. alrights. wenta catch National Treasure. 5/5. a show worth watching. go catch it. yeahs~!! skipped modeling course somehow. sighs* but i guess we didnt do much like today. prolly on walking just. yeahs.. after movie, slackked around. peii darling to have dinner. then took number 3 from tm to my house. hmmm. stopped a p.p. den walked back. sat down to have a talk too. yeahs. hmm. had a very small tiff. but was fine soon. yippies.. hahas. alrights. im crazyy. l0ls. yarhs. den sit down awhile more till 2330. then i went home.. yupps.
hmm. nowhere to go tomorrow i guess. prolly get people to accompany me bahs. hahas. hmm. prolly grace? l0ls. den gonna like slack n sleep the whole day. then yarhs. see how. prolly honey will pop by my place in the evening? yeahs. hahas. hmm. feeling so so so kan chiong. dont know why. i miss my sweetheart baby.. alot. hmmm. sweetie, where are you? i misss you!!!
alrights. hmm. saturday prolly going to sentosa. weeets~!! gonna get myself tanned again. hahahs.. going with darling, terrence n mayb grace? hahahs. yeahs. im gonna tan myself with darling. darling's gonna accompany me throughout. hahas. love you. well. and mayb at night gonna go suntec to walk? heard tt it'll be opening till 1am due to xmas. hahas. yupps. i dont care.. i wanna go.. darling~!! hahas. well, bo bians. ive to get the gifts.. yeahs. from 12 gifts, its gonna be like 5 gifts. yupps. for my honey n 4 other girlies. yippies!! love you honey. n you girl rocks. whahahs.
well well. im getting tired. wondering wad to get for them. currently entertaining joan who is interested in modeling. hahahs. she'll be joining. plus my pitching n stuff. im gonna get like close to a 50 bucks just by her. whahas. woos. hahahs. den some other pple oso. wahahs. sihong's gonna get the 30 bucks one. yupps. alright. experience do really count. yupps. alright alright. enough. gonna go then. im really tired. tatas all. rest well. esp. my sweetie. sweet dreams. smooches n hugs.. kisses all over you.. mwahs muacks <3
[[ page 395 time 0217 wishingforahappilyeverafterfairytale ]]
[missed you`] at 12/17/2004 01:55:00 AM
Thursday, December 16, 2004 edited*
last nite was disappointing. l0ls. only darling n i knew why. hahas. both seh-seh couple. l0ls.
alright. managed to get darling meet me. hahas. evil me. and he end up not meeting his fren. sorry. well. went bball court n badminton court. i found myself getting alright. winks- alrights. this gonna be short. darling's not working tomorrow. meeting up with him i guess. hees. i just cant stop missing him...
hmm. well. pissed with my dad. unreasonable freak. pissed~!!
haiiyers. just done bathing at like 1am? hair's yet to dry. waiting.. waiting still... well. browsing thru frenster.. wondering if there's anything nice to see. but sadly, no. haiis. sadd. well. april's not online either. fnshed herworld like last night? no show to watch. darling's sleeping i guess. my boyboy.. well. kinda frustrated.. haiis. forget it. guess im going to like bed soon? im bored. hahas. feeling tired. just fnshed a round of debating. l0ls. with some dumbass alright. its just like e annon. useless bitch n bastard. why dont they get married huh? l0ls.
alright. enough of my crapp. gonna go catch my beauty sleep. hahas. tatas all. im tired. finally!! wweeeetsss~!!
miss my boyboy. love my boyboy. worried for my boyboy. i love you sweetie. looking forward to our new story. looking forward to e celebrations with you!! smooches and huggie hugs~!! mwahs muacks~!! ilu <3
[[ page 394. a new beginning. lovedd` ]]
[missed you`] at 12/16/2004 01:19:00 AM
Tuesday, December 14, 2004 yippies~!! later gonna have sweet talk with honey. our midnight deal. l0ls. guess we're the craziest couple ever.. to wake each othe rup in the middle of the night just to talk. l0ls. crazy couples.. weets~!!
alrights. had a small tiff with honey. but everything's alright. hees X)
funnily. i was found on frenster. then tracked down to my old msn a/c. okays. at first was asked to join elite models. but things sounded weird. i dont sorta believe hes e heir of elite models' boss. well.. tt guy asks me to be an escort as well. then i was like what the hell. he says is easy money. and its obvious. like DUH~ escort okays. haiis. shithim. i feel so cheated. l0ls. and got all kinda scoldings from tt shithead. then after scolding. he blocked me. like wtf!!!! okays. shant talk about it le. im still pissed with him lorhs. bloody hell. im not born to get insult by you. dumbass.
okays. was invited to carine's bdae party end of year. just one day before 31 dec. her bdae was suppose to be on 31 dec.. but. well. everyone's gonna go countdown i guess. hahas. great.. thinking of what to get for her.. since im invited, just turn up bahs.. hahas. its good to be close with the seniors.. no motive.. find her reali very nice lady whom one can talk to.. unlike some other bitches in school. l0ls. alrights. im just so honoured. hahas X)
okays okays. really cant wait to get crazy with honey. hes soooooooo superrr duperrr cute.. what a cutie. what a sweetie. i love him to bits.. oooooh baby.. smooches for you <3
alrights. missed darling. though its just 5 mins since we hanged up.. okays okays. shant be like this here. tts too mushy. l0ls.. alright alrights... im gonna go bathe. and sleep. and wait for my crazy honey to call me 3am to 4am in the morning. hahas. cos we're gonna talk till its time for him to go to work. mwahahas. arent we just crazy?? l0ls.. its okays. havin a change of time in life is good at times. l0ls.
btw. im going zoo with darling n his campmates on the 22nd. the camp organised this outing. like at 9am?? wth. im gonna missed mvp valentine. ooooh. so sad. its okays. its nice too. to peii darling so early in the morning. hahas. okays okays.. and its good to accompany n mix around with his campmates. an advantage.. hahahs.. alrights.. im looking forward to it.. loveyou`
alrights. im going to like town tomorrow? finally. its been a week odd since i stepped in town.. hahas.. okays. going back to work. hahahs. no larhs. just popping by. hahas. and... going around to see what to get for xmas' gifts as well. hees. i noe what to get for honey. and im so happy about it. i have no idea why. im just another female perve out there. l0ls. im joking. hahahs. my budget for gifts shall be.... shhhhhh~!!! its a secret.. hahahs. okays. tts about it.. im gonna shop for whose presents first?? i dont know. i shall see. l0ls. needa buy wrappers oso. shucks. okays. tt will be cheap. alright alright. gonna go catch a bath. tatas all`
[[ 393 daes. mwahs muacks mwahs muacks!! ilu` ]]
[missed you`] at 12/14/2004 11:25:00 PM
im back!!
bored. bored. back. unhappily. l0ls. alrights. wenta meet darling in e evening. hahas. cheerios. had a nice time tgt. though short. hurmps... well~ sudden urge of wanting to stop darling.. from going work tml. naughty naughty.. shall not be a bad girlie. sadd` well. just wanna set aside a day.. just for dear and me.. hols fnshing soon. gonna return to school in no time. and tts borred. hahas. dread going back to school. but bo bians. haiis~
well. meet up with dear, toked abt lotsa stuffs. after he ORD, he wanna go australia to work. work for his campmate's company. as well as to get a degree there. tts a matter of like 3 to 4 years later.. we shant talk about it now.. cos no matter what... i have no intention of letting him go.. i cant bear letting him go even for 3 days.. how is it possible for him to be apart for like.. at least 3 years plus 4 years to complete his degree?? cum working? and if he finds it nice there (definitely will), how is it possible for him to return?? i dislike long-distance relationship.. cos it doesnt give me enough sense of security. just imagine not having anyone there when you're really down.. just imagine not having him when sth reali bads happen to you.. how much terrible can things be?? im only 13.. is this what i must get over with in a relationship? i dont think so... well, as i said. its another 3 to 4 years matter.. lets put it aside first.. i dont want this to affect my mood.. but it has already affected.. im such failure..... sorry darling..
well. i dont know what else to say.. time passes so slowly.. a min seems to be like an hour to me.. what's happening?? haiis.. i dont know.. am rather confused.. but nothing should bother me now..... cos there's still a long way for me to go to reach tt 3 or 4 years period.. well. everything seems to be quite true about what e fengshui man said. when im in btween 16 to 17, my love life will have alot of problems.. hahas.. one of it came out already.. i just hope i wont make a wrong decision tt will ruin my future..
well well.. getting kinda tired.. shall get a break.. nites.. rest well.. tatas all` darling i miss you.. ilu` mwahs muacks <3
one problem gone, the other come. tired of life..
baby+darling ("v") 141204 392 days 1 year 26 days` lovedd ("v")
[missed you`] at 12/14/2004 01:55:00 AM
Sunday, December 12, 2004 im going MIA again.
to you. it is something ive never wanted to say. but, instead of keeping quiet. and let things remain like this, i said it out. i thought it will help me to clear my doubts. but.. afterall, i expected this outcome long ago. i'm not very shocked though. but well. its the end of story.. nothing more, nothing less. we owe each other nothing anymore. do take care of yourself.. i still lu` [[ 12 december 04' 0223 hrs ]]
tatas` take care. miss you <3
[missed you`] at 12/12/2004 02:31:00 AM
Saturday, December 11, 2004 Last Christmas by Wham last christmas i gave you my heart but the very next day you gave it away this year to save me from tears ill give it to someone special
last christmas i gave you my heart
but the very next day
you gave it away
this year to save me from tears
ill give it to someone special
once bitten and twice shy i keep my distance but you still catch my eye tell me baby do you recognise me well its been a year it doesnt surprise me
happy christmas i wrapped it up and sent it with a note saying ' i love you ' i meant it now i know what a fool ive been but if you kiss me now i know youd fool me again
last christmas i gave you my heart
but the very next day
you gave it away
this year to save me from tears
ill give it to someone special
last christmas i gave you my heart
but the very next day
you gave it away
this year to save me from tears
ill give it to someone special
oh, oh baby
a crowded room friends with tired eyes im hiding from you and your soul of ice my god i thought you were someone to rely on me i guess i was a shoulder to cry on
a face on a lover with a fire in his heart a man undercover but you tore me apart ooh ooh now ive found a real love youll never fool me again
last christmas i gave you my heart
but the very next day
you gave it away
this year to save me from tears
ill give it to someone special
last christmas i gave you my heart
but the very next day
you gave it away
this year to save me from tears
ill give it to someone special
face on a lover with a fire in his heart a man undercover but you tore him apart
maybe next year
ill give it to someone ill give it to someone special special someone...
alrights. wasnt home last nite. wenta eat at pizza hut in the evening. then to toys r' us. bought cluedo. slackked around. saw leon. saw a poor boy got abused by his mum. then took no. 3 to fatt's place. was at fatt's place with honey n linkin. played cluedo n watched vcds then slept. hmm. morning woke up earli. stared into the ceiling. looking at my boy sleeps. afternoon arrived. they woke up. wenta my place had lunch. bought lunch for sister. went down to meet them again. slackked till evening, went home..
okays. have no plans for tomorrow? might be going dancing with my uan frens at nite. going swimming with honey in the morning?? hahas. its like. haiis. my whole day occupied. l0ls. i dont know. plans not confirmed. hahas. =X
alrights. feeling darn sad. hahs. well, im gone. i aint alright. im not fine. what shld i do? ooooookays. tuning into bsb's ill never break ur heart. nice song. sad song. meaningful song. im on the urge to cry. i have been in tt kinda mood. did anyone notice? yes, he did. but i didnt want to say anything. cos... its not advisable to. quarrels would start after tt. im sucha jinx. l0ls. nahnahs. im not. and you are. the one reading my entries is a jinx. the one who acts brave but turn out to be a humster. the bitches at my old hometown. the bitches i dislike in my current new hometown. yous guys are a jinx. a total bitch. you guys arent the bitches who are - babe in total control of herself. but you guys are the real kinda bitch. those whom pple detests. get it? bitches.
alrights. im in a very bad mood right now. cos im totally lost. so much things to think of. so much things to make decisions for. i havent been in a good mood for quite some time. but i seem fine on the surface. ive got no choice. but to bottle it up. there's so so so much i wanna say to you. there's so much i wanna let you know. but what will the outcome be? youll be telling me tt we wont be quarreling. just go ahead and say. but we will. we will, sweetie. ive been thinking day and night. just trying to find ways to forget it. i just cant forget it.. or am i not wanting to let go of it?? yeahs, i shldnt let the past affect the present. but everytime, you reminded me of it. i dont know. ive really been thinking. i dont want us to part. neither do i want to carry on like this. but its either one suffer, or the other. or both. ill be feeling all the pain. n you wont give a damn. cos im the one finding all the unnecessary troubles. i cant be like the other women. im conservative in thinking? whatever you wanna say. i am, i am!! but right now, im really feeling very confused. its all or nothing at all. its now or never. i wanna carry on this battle. but it has taken alot on me. alot. the endless sleepless nights. the endless worries. the endless memories haunting me. why?!?! why me.. i dont understand...
slipping of tongue.. the settings, the topics reminded you. what shit is these? i dont know.
i dont know how long we'll be together. but hearing abt you talking abt 'hong heng'. and hearing you saying 'steady' to fatt, when he ask you to go with him when he turns 18, in another less than 2 years time, im really lost. all at a lost. if we arent together by then, ive got nothing to say. but if we are, are you gonna persuade me to give in? i dont know. im really getting frustrated. im getting confused.. perhaps the trust aint there at all. tts why all these thoughts came across.. but, even if so. can you have some respect for me? im your girlfriend afterall. im there. and youve got no idea how long more we'll be tgt, why did you agreed so quickly without hesistating? im now really getting confused.. very confused..
well, like what loads of pple told me.. im still young. i shld be having puppy loves. and not long-term relationships. but i dont wanna be so cheap. so i commit myself into this relationship.. is that something so very wrong for me to do?? is that?? darling, tell me... time to time, we quarrel. time to time, you suggested a break up. is it what you want actually? tell me straight, if you are. i had enough of all these. i feel so different being alone with you. and being in a ig group with you. i felt so different, because of you.. yeahs, geminis are unpredictable. but does all these play a part in life too?? im getting so very confused.. feeling so tired.. so breatheless.. who's coming to save me?????
a hopeless me. a vivian who sees no future.. thinking of the questions ive asked myself. until now, i find no answers yet. how much do i like you? what makes me like you so much? will it be easy for me to let go? do i see any future with you?? ive been thinking real thorough. for to really make things once n for all.
life've been tough on me. but every decision is made by ourselves. we rely on no one. cos we're living our own life. everyone expects different kind of living standard. everyone thinks differently. i dont know how do i make decisions. cos i wont deny im quite a failure in relationships.
just today, i found out that im getting smarter. for i seem to notice things bit by bit.. and i wont deny ive definitely grown up, after all these obstacles in life.....
loving someone doesnt necessary mean to own that person physically; for what's counted is those feelings; that chemistry you and your special someone has.. even if he is with you no more, just live life as per normal, cos he isnt the right person youve been looking for. always look forward to tomorrows. it will bring you different kind of surprises. without saying it, you might just find him again tomorrow.....
[[ 389 daes 1 year 23 daes ` disappointed. my tomorrow. ]]
