vivian.
13 going on 14.
18 april.
attached
you and me. ilu*
wish list`
good relationship with him.
his birthday.
tone n slim down.
march holidays.
sun tanning. my birthday.
nite safari.
more tops.
heels.
flip flops.
shoes.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004 haiiyers.. im feeling so sians. grrrrrrs~
well. wenta sentosa ytd. hahas. had a fun time with the girls. managed to tan myself. muahahas.. but now the tanned parts hurt. grrrrrr... hahas. well. wanna go for 2nd round of tanning when this time's heal. hahas =)
wenta work today. hahas. tired. hahas.
tmll after work gonna go find darling. hhahas. he's on mc for 4 days!! grrr~ idiotic... hurrhurr.
bth ler. hes making lotsa noise. gonna entertain him online. hahas. tatas all`
[[ 378.378.378.378.378.378.378.days ]]
[missed you`] at 11/30/2004 10:51:00 PM
Sunday, November 28, 2004 pissed off larhs. shityou. ihateyou. scram. everything's abt me. now. its you. shityou. hateyou. hatreds.. i hate you. stopinterferinginanyway. getoutofmylife. didioweyouanythinginmypastlife?!?! bitch.getthisclear. ihateyou. unhappy.hatreds.
[missed you`] at 11/28/2004 04:24:00 AM
Saturday, November 27, 2004 everything's gonna fine again. hahas. cheers. and celebrate~!!
okies. work is damn fine. im so happy. ive got easier job to do. only for ME, eunice, janet n justina. not anyone else. mwahahas. cheerios~!! im so happy. dun have to go town tt often le.. weets~!!
next. me and darling is fine, fine so very fine le!! mwahahs. just hope things would remain this way. hahas. i dunno. my feelings does play a part in here. grrr. hahas. just hope things would be fine. love you sweetie <3
tmll im going out with darling. mwahaahas. great. dunno wad time meeting up my baobeii oso. hahas. later toking to him on fone bahs. wahahas. guess we'll be on the fone throughout?? most probably?? l0ls. provided he's a toking machine for me. lmao. we'll see how yeahs? l0ls.
monday's gonna go beach-ing. yeahs yeahs. cool. with my girlfrens. cool huhs. bikinis babes. and hunks? nah nahs. the hunks are OUT tis time. l0ls.
gosshiiees. just wondering if i can bring in about 20 appointments a day not. ive to like take about 40 contacts a day huhs. grrrr. yeahs yeahs. shitme. l0ls. okies. take a step at a time.
siaos liaos. gonna go. bathe. bubbuais.
[missed you`] at 11/27/2004 01:42:00 AM
Wednesday, November 24, 2004 err.. have been reali tired these few days. have been home late everyday.. haiis. currently hooked on penny dai's ni yao de ai.. hahas. wth?!?! the song is old. but. well. it seriously brought me back in time... i saw so much of stuff in the past.. happy n sad.. from head to toe.. the laughters to tears.. nice song ehs??
things arent tt fine either. have been feeling low. but everyday have to put up a front to entertain pple. well. wads with my life. thought over everything. everything ive said. everything ive heard. wondering. i dunno. dun hold me back. dun let me hold back. dun soften my heart. let me go if i want to. cant you? i dunno. ive been very vexed. im running fever. feeling unwell. dunno wad else to do. feeling so tired. dunno wad to do. i came to blog. there's no one i can tok to at all. wad else can i do huhs? gosh. i dunno. i reali dunno.
well. saw priscilla the other day. she's now together with lydia. from prcs. 17 year old. hahs. just wondering why cant tt girl be straight. but seriously. i agree.. her love lives all sucks. hahas. im sorry for her. haiis... saw her lydia. i dunno why. but i somehow see my reflection in her. the way she dresses. her hairstyle. the way she talks. everything. shes so much like me. hahas. goshh. hahahs...
okies.. haiis. just dun feel well. guess im going off. im feeling sians n tired. wanna go sleep. having 2 appointments tmll. have to be in town by12. wtf right? hahas. plus modelling course at night tmll. haiiyers. dread going. hahas. can i not go? LOLS. impossible. im going. l0ls. gonna be sexy tmll. lols. im just joking. hahas. okies. take care guys. mwahs...
penny dai's ni yao de ai... shui ran jing chang meng jian ni. hai shi hao wu tou xu. wai mian zheng zai xia zhe yu.
jin tian shi xing qi ji. but i dont know. ni qu na li.
shui ran bu ceng huai yi ni. hai shi tan te bu ding. shui shi ni de na ge wei yi,
yuan liang wo huai yi zi ji. wo ming bai. wo yao de ai. hui ba wo chong huai.
xiang yi ge xiao hai. zhi dong zai ni huai li huai. ni yao de ai.
bu zhi shi yi lai. yao xiang ge da nan hai. feng chui you re shai. sheng huo zi you zi zai.
the song tt brought me back in time.. the song tt brings me back to see all the happiness i once had.. this song.`
[missed you`] at 11/24/2004 09:23:00 PM
Monday, November 22, 2004 370 days. 1 year 4 days. its just 3 hours and 49 mins. JUST PAST.
sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad.
wad to do? forget it. i shall just start praying. LOLS.
sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad. sad.
gonna go then. i dunno wad else i'll be doing.
gonna go MIA again? i dunno. mayb. i'll consider.
take care guys. tatas`
missing YOU always.
you know who you are.
i still love you.
ive never forgotten 130606.
and i will not forget.
muacks.. ("v")
[missed you`] at 11/22/2004 01:49:00 AM
Saturday, November 20, 2004 weets~!! so cold so cold... brrrrrrrr~
hmm.. so happy yeahs? its 1 year and 2 days. but it doesnt seems like darling and i have been together for so long.. perhaps.. the wound on us has started to heal.. results has shown tt darling n i reali seems to be closer than before.. darling i love you.. alot. no matter what kinda circumstances we're gonna face from now on, just remember that i have always been there for you, and i will always be there for you.. yeahs? i love you honey..
great. spent last night with darling.. woo ha~ errrrrr.. its not so bad actuali.. cos.. hahas. we were in a tent filled with water. we ended up freezing and trembling.. just imagine the water reach a height of like... 6cm.. lols.. well. i felt much closer to him now. so good.. so close tt i reali dun wanna leave him be it for a min or two. tts how close i feel so suddenly n how much i wan him. just hung up on fone with him [[ 22:44 ]].. tt boiiboii. hahas..
a cute little boiiboii. well. he's off to his dreamland. and i shld be in mine soon too. need plenty of rest before i reali fall sick terribly. well. guess tts all i wanna say. wads all in my mind is nothing else but only him. so darling. tts how much i love you. reali.
well. gonna go gonna go. ive gotta go to sleep. cos ive gotta go town for work tmll. got appointments. and needa start making fone calls and.. and having event at clarke quay tmll evening. darling will be coming along. meeting him at town before we head for clarke quay tmll together. shiok shiok.. hahas. okies okies. gotta stop.. tis entry is too much abt him. hhaas.
good nite frens. take care. rest earli. rest well. sweet dreams. see u guys soon~!! tatas`
[[ 1 year 2 days 1 hour 10 minutes. 368 days. i love you. ]]
[missed you`] at 11/20/2004 09:50:00 PM
Thursday, November 18, 2004 HapPy oNe yeAr anNiveRsaRy ~!!
yeahs~!! happy one year anniversary honey~!! weets~!! love ya love ya. you're the best~!! loads of smooches and hugs!! goshhies. im so mushy.. wad smooches.. no no. no tongue kisses. normal kisses will do. LOLS. no more tt for me. smooches~!! darling wo ai ni orhs~!! mwahs muacks~!!
finally back fr0m MIA. hees*
okies. for the past week, have been working n stuff. home problems. his problems. all sort of problems. hahas. shithead.well. finally. things are getting better. shi0k shiok*
well. modelling course resumes tmll. sians. needa bring so many stuff. sports shoes n heels. goshhies. 2.5 inches. grrr. well. den bring shorts too. hahas. shitnixem. l0ls. well. tt monkey~
hmm. g0ts l0ads of appointments tmll. after my last appointment, do some scouting. den gonna meet darling. he's coming down from redhill. after counselling. yippies~!! can see darling lerr. weets~
well well. tts abt it. friday t0nning with darling. sat darling tonning with linkin, deshun, phips, yenling, faisal n gang. the badminton gang. haiis. sad sad.. dunno. until now still weird weird de. abt tt. shiats. me me me!! shitme. bummer. i hate myself. hatreds. hateyouhateme. hateyou. thebiatch. getlost. scram. poof. neverappearinmylifeever. dunletmeseeyou. illslapyou. iwontholditforlong. ivegotnopatience. darling. dont. impossessive. butirealirealiloveyou. shitme. wadswrongwithme. shutup. gone.
well. g0nna g0. bubbuais. honey i love you. mwahs muacks~ wo ai ni 1314~
[missed you`] at 11/18/2004 12:00:00 AM
Wednesday, November 10, 2004 MIA
[missed you`] at 11/10/2004 11:58:00 AM
Tuesday, November 09, 2004 quit your crap. scram. get lost. im irritated. poof*
Monday, November 08, 2004 back. feeling sians. so blogg. hahas. seems dumb to do sucha thing huhs. well. though over it for very long. still in the midst of deciding. i dunno if i should work at banquet mayb with farliana. the pay seems great. $7.50perhour. yeahs. but it'll be tiring of course. i dunno. mayb i'll work there. or mayb at the shop my mum's working now. both pay's not bad. well. guess ure wondering how come im finding jobs since ive got 2 on hand right? lols. okies. cos. my mum is freaking complaining that my that 2 jobs bo hua. ask me find something more worth doing. grrrrr. well. i dunno. banquet needs pple now. mayb. mayb i'm working part time there. i dunno. my mum's ok with the time and everything. but. i dunno abt my darling. he might not agree to it. and i doubt he will. hhahas.
well. feeling so damn sians. going out in awhile. well. ytd picked fight with this stupid shit. she's only primary 5. yet so bitchy. cant blame larhs. young kids now are getting more out of hand than the older generation. and yarhs. still cant find out whos the bitch who tagged me. and goshh. if i found out by coincidence. she's gonna die. i swear to god. haha. too bad. shes too dumb to even confess. she confess, nothing will go wrong. ill see her as invisible. but she dont wan to. good luck to you then. better keep ya identity 100% confidential. hmm. stupid pple. everyone agrees with my point of view. shes dumb. noone,no way shes gonna deny that she's dumb.
hmm. sibeii sians lorhs. so tired. cant i jusst sleep. grrrrrrr. i need my sleep. hahas. thinkin of the money i'll be making. the times ill be spending money like water running from a tap. hahas. goshhies. stop those thoughts. unhealthy!!! lols. oh yeahs oh yeahs. farliana wanna bring me to chiong this wednesday. yet to give her a comfirmed answer. hahs. but. mayb not going. i dont like the one she's going. wadever the name. i dont bother. hahas. i'll wait.
hmm. the previous update was nice. cant stop reading it over n over again. lols. am i sick or am i sick?? hhahas. crazzy me. well. i dunno wad i'll be doing for the rest of the day. later going to compasspoint. its been so long since ive been there. ever since like the working stuff, ive been going to town for like. 3 to 4 times a week? goshh. and just wait. when work officially starts, ill be at town most of the time. goshh. and ill be working 5 days week. grrrr. no more freedom. slappa the office's face. grrr~!! quit the job. quit the jobbbbb......
haiiyers. where else should i go laterr? hmm. shld i go swimming?? hahas. sia0s. mayb tmll. dropping by siewgek's chalet. she begged me to go. fine. i shall make appearance. make use of her chalet. go swim. and bathe in her chalet. ooohs.. why am i so cheapskate. cant believe that. lols. well. wednesday've got church's bbq. calling peiishan along. cos we wenta tt church together. lols. hmm. who shall i ask go swimming with me tmll?? wondering* and yarhs. i wont be staying at the chalet for long. ive gotta go town at 7pm. shiat....
town town town. no life. gonna hold some beach parttty. hahas. shiat. who am i gonna call. goshh.. water party. drinking partyy. wad else? music partty.. shiat. running out of ideas.
hmm. no more mood for blogging. bubuais.
[missed you`] at 11/08/2004 02:11:00 PM
Sunday, November 07, 2004 what the hell man. what a bad day. stupid day. stupid people. stupid shit. i hate my day.
whats ur stupid problem? just wanna talk to you more. miss you so much. today actuali wanna spend time with you when we reach my place de. but u seems so gan chiong to go back. so i lan lan. let you go. what the hell. im dumb huhs. shitme. i shall go die. uselessme.
can i have that again? i'm sorry. i dun wanna wait till everything end. i'm getting impatient. i'm beginning to feel loosen. everything gives me the feeling that im falling apart. my support arent there anymore. and you are my support. i know my support is tired n need his rest. but really very sorry. ineedyou.verymuch.
[[ our story page 356.. 10 more days to a new story.. mwahs* ]]
05 nov 04' got sth to add on.. yeee haa~ hahas. kies.. well. s0 g0d-damned happy... mummy accepted my relationship. mwahahs. co0l. she says wanna g0 out with darling, just say. n0 needa bluff. all the tactics i'm using, she all used it bef0re. l0ls. den she say, wh0 treats wh0 is fine. she ask me t0 bring darling h0me on xmas celebrati0n. she wanna see him. l0ls. great.. mummy asked me t0 l0ve myself. t0 take care of myself.. hahas. ilu mummy... mwahs muacks~!!! ("v")
06 nov 04' goshhs. w0ke up at like. 840am? msged darling. went back t0 lie d0wn awhile. den wenta wash up at 9am like tt. den met darling at 1030 close to 1100am. yeahs. s0 earli huhs. hahas. wenta had breakfast. den saw darling's mummy. den me n darling wenta took a walk by the bl0cks. hahas. walked. slackked. den 1pm like tt. to0k number 12 d0wn t0 bugis. had a nice c0mfy time on bus. th0ugh it was c0ld... brrrr~ den dr0pped at bugis. darling was s0 happy t0 see the fountain thingy. i nearly g0t wet. LOLS. all thanks to my ba0beii. hahas. darling die die os0 dun wanna leave the f0untain area. grrr.. but managed t0 get him leave tt place in the end. hahas. sh0pped at the malls. edge n parc0 seiyu. saw car0l. hahas. didnt n0ticed her. till she tapped my sh0ulder. lols. said hi. den went off with darling. hahas. hmm. slackked ardd. wenta c0ld st0rage. darling g0t 2 sushi. n 2 drinks. he nearly went off without paying f0r the sushi. lols. den slackked outside seiyu. den wenta bugis street saw watches n stuff. den wait f0r bus 12 back t0 pasir ris. reached. wenta white sands. g0t my fries n darling's currypuff. we den experimented on his curry puff. had chilli currypuff. mayo currypuff. and fries currypuff. LOLS. hope darling will be fine* hahas. den wenta get a drink. den went h0me at 7pm. hahas. came h0me earli f0r mummy's sake. l0ls. me guai guai okies?? hahas.
well. tmll MIGHT be meeting darling. at HIS place. helping him out with the packing n tidying of house if his mummy allows me to go over. if not. guess will be rotting my day off as well. hahas.
hmm... miss darling w0rrs. grrr.. 14 m0re days t0 g0. c0me on. why w0nt the time just pass faster? haiis. 2 m0re weeks. and 1 year is over. darling darling. i love u. so much tt i wudnt wanna let u go. promisedd* well. h0ping tt things wud be g0ing well f0r the wh0le of next 2 weeks. n we'll celebrate 1 year anniversary happily t0gether. prayying* well. my current wish is... for things to go real well. haiis. h0pe g0d will bless me... pray real real hardd* darling. baby miss u w0rrs. hmm. cant t0k t0 u on f0ne. s0 xin ku. w0ndering wad u're d0ing n0w. baby miss you so so much. u n0e. well. h0pe u n0e.. haiis. well. g0nna end here. take care guys..
10 m0re minutes t0 a brand new day.. 07 november 2004.
goshh. i missed my darling like crazy.. honey.. i miss u so much. i love u. i just wanna be with you. hug me real tight. and never let go. i promised i'll never let go. will you promise me too? the rings is a promise. u accepted it cos u promised me everything. and same here. i accepted it cos i promised you everything. i will keep my promise. i will. have trust in me. faith in urself. we'll last till death do us part. i believe in you.. ("v")
[[ 355 days. darling. wo zehn de hen ai ni. ni zhi dao ma? ("v") ]]
[missed you`] at 11/06/2004 11:33:00 PM
Friday, November 05, 2004 backk. hahas. well. lets see wad happened ytdd.
04 nov 04' well. met darling at 4pm. wenta white sands. got a drink. played game. slackk. den went to orchardd. the journey was funny. darling fell aslp. tt pigg. hahas. but nvm. i still love my pigg. mwahs* reached orchard at 6pm. wenta hmv. slackk. toked to kelly. den headed down to cine. see figurines n rings. lols. den darling sent me to avalon at 7pm. had modelling course with nixem. a cute little monkey-assed guy. great. he says i can walk. i only have to grow taller. hurr hurr. but he was cute larhs. they guessed my age. i look 17, 18. l0ls. weak. they were so freaking shock when they heard tt i'm only 13. hhas. the girls opp me was like saying. 'kaos, she look so matured.' goshh. i'm old. hahas. gonna accept reality, the fact. mwahahs. am i crazy? mayb i am. lols. well. at least i still have a long way ahead. i will make the best out of me. i promise* well. other than me. the 2 other youngest were both 15. yeahs. so. i'm still e` youngest. LOL.
well. before running into the avalon, asked for darling's finger n slipped a ring in. hahas. he was shocked. dunno if he likes it. wonder*
after the course, met darling again. took a train down to my area. had a nice time eating. darling had his fried kway tiao, n i had my carrot cake. lols. den headed down to roof garden. slackk. tok tok. den about 12am den went home. lols. yeahs. tts about last nite. slept close to 1am. yawns* tired. didnt receive darling's msg before he slept. wonder wad time he slept. hahas.
05 nov 04' yawns*mummy woke me up earli morn. about 6am. woke up. got changed. prepared. left for school at 7+am. called honey before i left home. tt notti pigg didnt wenta work. he overslept. wenta get a mc. luckily, he got. hahas. well. those 1i peeps are reali arrogant. lols. cant stand them. esp constance. i wonder how i'm gonna study with them for the whole of next year. poor me. lols. well. came home. slackk. ate. think i'm not gonna rest. i'm shagged. wanna slp. like darling. tt pigg. still slping bahs. hahas. well. tonite wont be going out. mayb to the pasar malam at my area. if not, gonna rot at home. lols. kkies. gonna go then. mwahs muacks~
so happy. my darling n i exchanged rings. made a promise to each other. darling, wo ai ni...
[[ 354 days. darling, i love you 1314~!! ]]
[missed you`] at 11/05/2004 11:47:00 AM
Wednesday, November 03, 2004 well. had lessons in the morning. was late. with aiai. as usual. hahas. overslept. too used to having long long sleeps. hahas. well. was slackking. toking. laughing our heads off during lessons. didnt pay much attention. lols. wad a waste. hahas. sad huhs. but forget it. none of us are listening. all were busy gossiping or msging in class. lols. great.
reached home by 1030. called honey. toked. wad a great chat. but had to hang up. sobbs. den went out at 1300? met darling at mrt station first. so cool. missed him orites? met him. played game. hugs break n everything. den he walked me to jeslyn's block. saw his long lost fren. zhong yue (spelling might be wrong =x). toked. he guessed my age. but still didnt get it. lols. great. have a fun time guessing den. hahas. went off wif jes n zann when they reached. left darling toking to zhong yue* for awhile more. then he went home i guess.
headed town. great. went eating. walking. toking. bitching actuali. hahas. den went up to uan. had a fun time there. janet was telling how good my modelling instructor wud be. how funny he was. hahas. well. hope tis will be the way. gees* toked to justina abt the work. aft tt. headed down to far east. got some stuff. hahas. secrets* its for my baobeii. hehes. mwah muacks* den met kelly. took neos. sat down for awhile n toked. settled both jobs. great. starting work soon i guess. mwahahas. i dun wanna rot my life at home slping, com-ming. grrrr~!!
things were quite fine. but when i was on my way back. made darling angry. sorry baobeii. reali didnt mean it. perhaps i reali didnt tell u. dun angry le. hao mahs? baby pa pa. sobbs... mwahs*
haiis. well. tmll's first modelling course. great. nixem nixem. hahas. hope u'll be just as good as wad janet said. lols. hope i'll enjoy myself. janet said i would. hahas. hmm. tis poor baby here is just waiting for her baobeii to cheer up. to stop getting angry n peii her tok on fone. but until now, no message received. perhaps i've to take initiative bahs. well. darling. hope u'll pick up my call later on. gonna go then. mwahs muacks* have a great time pigging guys!! i noe i do. hees* piggy me. my piggy laogong. lovedd u. loves u. loving u. missed u. misses u. missing u. smooches*
[[ 351 days. darling, i'm sorry. forgiven?` sobbs. wo ai ni. wo xiang ni. bu yao shen wo de qi le. =( ]]
[missed you`] at 11/03/2004 10:01:00 PM
Tuesday, November 02, 2004 yo0 h0o~ i'm backk. hahahs. okies. lets see. its 021104. how bored. another 16 more days to go honey. lovedd` jiay0u~!! hahas. am i crazy or sth like tt? LOLS.
orites. lets see what happened today hao ma? *flown back to the past* -.-"
hahas. okies. nth much happened. woke up earli to send darling a msg. went back to slp. woke up at 10 plus. dread waking up though. hahas. came online with no one at home. felt so good. haas. no ones home. i can do anything i like. hahahs. but ive got nth to hide larhs. so kinda no point oso. hahas. just felt bored. came online. wenta frenster, msn and my blog. lols. i'll be blessing u always without fail. even when i use the toilet, i'll still be blessing u. hoping that you will rot in hell when u die, live a terrible life when u're still alive and may you have a fucked up life. hahas. well. borred. havent have any idea on where to go n wad to do for the whole week. lols. my life sucks yeahs. hahas.
okies. fuck it. my life sucks. i'm not gonna deny tt. life sucks life sucks. hahas. somewhere somehow. i'm finding everything's boring. perhaps shld have a 360 degree change of everything. from head to toe. from my school to outside world. from my bed to my wardrobe. from my frens to still my frens. hahas. okies. i'm leading a boring life. no one seems to be satisfied with wadever i'm doing, with me. i'm reali tt imperfect arhs? as in. the most imperfect one can be. hahas. i'm a boring person. i'm not ur type bahs. hahas. well. forget it. its time to get everything changed n start a total new life. where i lead my life. n u lead urs. i be who i am. have my own group of frens who will be there for me. have my own life. have something for me to do everyday. need not worry tt i'lll have nothing to do n nowhere to go. currently, my life sucks. but i blieve everything will change. i believe in myself. i wan to lead my own life. n none of u shld have any say in it. its my life. not urs. shut ur gap. and stop bothering me. i am who i am. if u dun like it, scram. get tt? i dun need anyone of ur sort. dun try telling me what to do. cos i am who i am. u have no right to make who i am. get tt? u better do. hahas. so. stop getting urself involved in my life. nth's important. nth's making me happy. am i asking for too much? yes i am. all along. i thought all i shld do is to rely on the one who's there n there's nth else for me to worry about. but i'm so darn wrong. tt isnt the life i'm happy with. how much n how many times in my tis year i hope tt things wud go back to the past. but no. never will it happen. i'm being naive here. i'm beginning to fool myself. to lie to myself. knowing tt all those could never happen. i still hope for it. wish for it. its time someone give me 2 tight slaps across my face to wake me up. ive gotta wake up. or else i'll never know what's wrong or right.
living in tis world. i dont deny tt there're many regrets. i did alot of wrong things. from when i was young, stealing my sis' milk to now, doing some incredible wrong stuff. i've made myself tis way. making everyone detest me. making everyone look down on me. my life wasnt so bad. until back then. i'm thinking. if ive never mixed ard with jingquan n grp. i mayb have bcome a much more decent young girl. and now, i'll just add on to the population of nerdy guai kias. hahas. but no. i've to choose the path of making frens with jq tt grp. and now. tis is my outcome. ive to face so much freaking problems. and sometimes, those problems dont involved me. hhaas. how great a life i have now. there are just so many things ive regret. i dunno how many more am i gonna regret. but i noe my life aint gonna get any simpler. its getting tougher with everyday past. its getting more difficult to cope with. mayb this is how the god wants me to suffer. life alone has taken alot on me. its time i learn. like what he've said. i wont learn unless i fall real hard. hahas. i dunno. perhaps tts the way bahs. mayb i reali have to fall hard before i learn n mend my ways. but even if so. these regrets, these memories have already bcome part n parcel of my life. i wont be here at this moment without them. yeahs.. so. wads done is done. its too late to regret. cos there will never be any way out for it. they remain as my memory and they always will.
i'm just another naive girl living in tis world. thinking that everything's just the way i want them to be. i've not yet grown up. i've not yet have the ability to think like an adult. my life aint complicated. neither is it simple. sometimes, some small stuff can bring me to the worst of my mood. and some small stuff can cheer me up so much. life's a complicated word. and so is love. until now. i've been doubting. is tis a fairytale i chose to live in. or is it just tt i dun wanna face reality? until now, i've got no idea if i reali understand the meaning of love n life. these 2 words are the challenge of my life. the challenge i might never be able to win. getting myself involved in them. time n time again i fall. its time i pick myself up n find someone else to take care of me, to pamper me. and when i grow up, and learn. i will finally be able to learn independence. right now. i dun deny i cant live without frens. but tt isnt wad i wan. i wanna be independence. cos life aint easy. its tough. and it'll get tougher. i'm not even half way through my life n i'm calling out for help, shouting n complaining tt i'm tired. den how am i suppose to live thru my whole life? i wondered. i guess i belong to the group where pple gives up easily. hahas. mayb half way thru life, i decided to give it all up. hahas. well. i'm indeed jealous of those old peeps who are now successful, rich, having filial children who takes so very good care of them. they cant be here without hard work. i admire the way they pull themselves through. and i wanna be one of them.
i dunno. things arent going my way for this period of time. ive been feeling upset. ive never been ok. some period of time when i grew strong n things got better. but they topple aagain. i guess its me again. ive never n will never succeed in being happy. tts what i wish for. after so long my happiness is gone, what i wish for is for my happiness to find its way back to me. i dun wanna be unhappy. i hate crying. i hate the soft side of me. god. will u just help me?
well. what a long entry. hahas. well. plan on meeting darling tonite. but guess ive gotta have it cancelled. hahas. well. take care guys. tatas`
learn to cherish. never regret. tts what ive never been able to do. perhaps i'm not suppose to be in love. [[ 350 days. a life filled with regrets, sorrows and nothing else... ]]
[missed you`] at 11/02/2004 03:39:00 PM
Monday, November 01, 2004 backk. lol. okies. its a new day. 01 november 2004. hahas. 17 more daes to go honey. love you.
well. 31 oct 2004. its halloween!! hahas. did u guys went out to celebrate? i noe i didnt. cos i dont even remember it. lol. okies. oonly realised it was halloween when i walked past escape theme park with honey when i was on my way to the food court to get a drink n my carrot cake. gees* spent my dae wif honey. so nice. so sweet. love him. hahas.
well. nth much happened. just shopped for some tops with da jie. and nth else. grr* but it isnt as bored as other sundays. mwahahas*
well well. gonna call honey again. da jie wanna use com as well. nites guys. take care. missing ya guys. mwahs~
