vivian.
13 going on 14.
18 april.
attached
you and me. ilu*
wish list`
good relationship with him.
his birthday.
tone n slim down.
march holidays.
sun tanning. my birthday.
nite safari.
more tops.
heels.
flip flops.
shoes.
Saturday, October 30, 2004 todae's e` 30 oct. its been 5 daes since i blog. wo0 la la~ i reali dun need my blog so so much le. mwahahas~ okies okies. let's recap okies?
25 oct 04' well. basically, if u read my blog for 25 oct, it actuali sucks larhs. so.. we're gonna move ahead n leave e` sad memories + e` past all behind us. alright? if not, either way, either one of us will get hurt all over again. let's promise to leave the past behind us. okies? promised* hmm. other than tt. we, e` sec ones n twos had interclass captain's ball competition. well. lost to 1h. but they sucks. didnt they push n elbow? tt was totally unfair. n wad i'm surprised is not tt my class have lost. but i didnt even make a noise when it comes to unfair treatments. i was reali shocked. perhaps i've began to grew more matured. perhaps i just made another step in life. i just continued with my life. realising now tt picking fights for all those crapps, is nothing but just a waste of time. from now on, i'm not gonna waste my breathe on all those shit. if they wanna play with me, bring it on. i've got nothing to hide, to get afraid about. wanna come, come. dun hesitate. and most imptly, dun regret wad u've done larhs. life's short. there's no time for you to stop half way through the process and dwell on the past. isnt it? and once again, to those dumb peeps in the sec 1 lot 2004', GET A LIFE.
26 oct 04' its tuesday. no school for me. it was promotion dae. great. hahas. well. totally forgot where i went. bad memory i have here. hahas. siaos liaos. reali cant remember. but guess it aint great. mwahaas. tell you why later. follow up with e` updates n you'll know. mwahahas~
27 oct 04' okies. its wednesday. went back to school. had dance course. woo la la~ tts totally so cool, so hot. mwahahas. though we didnt win for the class competition, but most imptly, my class is willing to learn. at least, the effort was seen. no regrets about it. and i definitely enjoy myself alot. hhaas. it is definitely fun n was a day to see happy faces, loud n cheerful n real laughters when u get to see kumar dance along n joked with us pple. love tis day loads!! its a memory of 1g never to be forgotten. yeahs? i lovve you guys loads*
28 oct 04' gosh. it was definitely a bo0oring dae. had deepa n raya celebration. the t-k barat boiis simply rocks. hahas. said tt many times tis year. lols. den. went back to class for the last time with the class peeps. and was dismissed at 1230. i dont feel anything back at tt time. but. to think about it now, i reali miss my class peeps. those fun we had, those laughters, those quarrels, those disagreements. if its not for those, my class wudnt have been so special, so unique in its own sense. for the first time, i'm gonna say 1g isnt bad at all. =) after school. i headed down to darling's place. met him. talked. watched him play basketball. how cool. its been so long yeahs? saw him smiling. saw him enjoying his game. i'm happy. its not so bad afterall. hees*
29 oct 04' the past few days is nowhere good. have been quarreling with darling. until now, ive got no idea if he's truly happy today. haiis.
well. woke up at 0730. got changed and everything. prepared my uniform n stuff. headed down to school to collect report book n results slip. well. speaking frankly. i aint even close to happy about my results n the class i was posted to. how sad. hahas. i didnt do as well tis time round. there was a tremendous drop in result for history. was disappointed. very. hahas. math got c5. -.-" however. it didnt sound tt bad overall. 1 a for cme, 2 a1s, 3 a2s, 3 b3s, 1 c5. sadd. hhas. came in 2nd the whole class. and 13th the whole level. lotsa peeps improved. definitely ehs? hahas. was posted to the first class of the whole level. 2I. was very upset when i heard tt. but. lotsa tchers n peeps were happy for me. haas. i dun mind being in the first class in any other places, but not tis school. hahs. feeling stressed out, pressurized. LOL.
went home sulking. everyone in the house didnt make any comment abt my results. seeing me looking so gloomy, they didnt make any noise about me going out. hahas. great. went out at 1300. headed down to pp to do my mani+pedi. hahas. so nice. den went down to taka. met up with janet. toked. den went to far east to shopp. got a top. reserved a bottom. lols. den walked. n went back to our place. pasir ris. mwahahs. met darling at his place. jeslyn n peishan den headed back home for show. and met them again at close to 12 midnight. before tt. wenta geylang. went there to walked with darling n linkin. the roads there were brightly litted. looked so nice. hahas. the ambience there was great. hahas. feel so loved. LOL. den went back. slackked at downtown east for awhile to plan. den wenta linkin's place with only darling, linkin n me. place with ftt sparklers or wadever u call tt. hahas. den watched vcd. listen to songs after tt show. and wenta bed. how sweet. had darling hugged me throughout the night. hahas. comfy worrs. hahas. woke up at about 9am. saw darling on the chair. so poor thing. he fell aslp while watching the god damn sunrise. which allows him to see the buildings being holy. cos the buildings were blocking his view. lols. den he fell aslp. -.-" after tt. we woke linkin up. den wenta have a drink at 24 hours. linkin fell aslp first last nite. boo!! darling n me fell aslp only at 4 plus 5 in the morning. hahas. was toking yeahs. was so close to him. i could even hear his heart beating. so close yet so far. i have no idea wad he was thinking back at tt time yeahs? hahas. confused* from kopitiam there, i didnt feel so happy. i dunno why. hahahs. perhaps its like. i dunno. LOL. wondering* den went back home at about 12. cos was slackking at a void deck till then wif darling. came home. watched meteor garden. goshies. its so sadd. nearly cried. but didnt. cos i could remember so clearly wad happened later on. HOW SAD. hahash. im jialat. den fell aslp after the show. woke up at like. 1830? woke darling up as well. sorry baobeii* den toked awhile. wenta bathe n do wadever i wanna do. later calling baobeii. hahas.
time flies todae. reali. dreaded to go home today. how i wish i could go back in time. and remain in darling's arms forever. a sense of security. a comfortable feeling. i could hear his heart beating. i could feel him. and i'm very certain tt i wudnt lose him tt moment. however, the good stuff will never last. it always come to an end. and it did. nearly cry lehs. hhahas. poor me.
well. ive gotta call tis an end. its a long entry. though there are longer entries than tis. i'm reali shagg. wanna break. wanna rest. i'm tired. yawns* lols. well. gonna rest for awhile. hahahs. and plan for the bbq for 1g and 6.3~ lols. dead. got lotsa plans. wahahas. the one i'm waiting for is to stay overnight with darling again. hehes* okies. stopp my crapp here. take care guys. love ya. [[ i dread the arrival of sundays ]] hahas. okies. tts all. mwahs~
[[ 347 daes. i'm sorry. but i still dun cant read wads on ur mind. i noe i aint a good girll. ]]
[missed you`] at 10/30/2004 09:10:00 PM
Monday, October 25, 2004 i've indeed grew weaker emotionally. i'm beginning to cry and weep over every small little thing. for the past few days, all i did while toking to u, after toking to you is nth but crying. u know how terrible i actuali felt? i dunno. i reali find no reason carrying on wif my life. perhaps. its just tt i've began to grow tired of life. u claim tt you understand me. but do you reali understand the real me? i myself dont, so how could you. tell me. tell me how can you??!!?!?
for the past close to one year, ive lost so much frens. and needed to make new frens. i know life's gonna get tough on me after i moved. but i guess it wont be of a much difference cos you're always here for me. but. i guess you didnt make a big difference in any way. i dunno. i'm beginning to feel numb. what i wish for now is just to end my pathetic life. do you know tt? you says i'm choosy about the frens i want to make. but have you ever put urself into my situation and think why? its not always me complaining and doing all the shit things. its not always me. i told u pple ard me are fucked up. there isnt any way i can make new frens among those pple. things will just get worst if i befren them. life's reali tough. i dont have a choice. i wanna make frens. but took you into consideration. i try to find decent n nicer pple to befren with. so tt i wont give you any problems. but you says i'm choosy. everyone's picking on me nowadays. i dunno why. things arent going well.
time spent with you now are no longer fun n relaxing. i arent reali happy. time spent together with you now is much more pressurizing, i seem to be stressing myself out now more than usual. if i was given a choice to stay like tis and to go back to the days we normally quarrel, i would choose to go back to then. though those days were tough. but. at least i feel your love and care for me. unlike now. all i felt was nth more than reprimands. i feel tt we're beginning to drift apart. we arent close anymore. why? u're just like a stranger to me. the feeling i got from you now is much more undescribable than the first day i saw u and teased you about yiling's laogong matter. even though we didnt noe each other back tt time. but i felt much more closer to you then to now. why? all i felt from wadever you're giving now is nth but pressure n reprimand. almost every night, i'll get scolded or you'll say tis n that abt me. you're constantly putting pressure on me. i'm soon going loose my breathe and die at tt very moment. my heart no longer could thump slowly, it has to thump faster to catch up with your pace. it has to thump faster, if not i'll lose out. i feel sick. i aint feeling well. you didnt noe tt. hence, you continued with tt quick and bo chap attitude n pace towards me. i'm feeling as if i'm suffering from asthma. i'm feeling dizzy. just like i'll faint at any point of time. every nite, all i could think about is that if i still have the strength to carry on with life. i'm practically tired of my whole life. i'm wondering why wont you understand. you always think tt i'm alright. but i aint. i aint alright!!! i needed your love, your care. but where were you? all u given me was the scoldings, were the sayings about me tis n me that. do you know how i actuali felt? u never once said those things to me. but you do now. you simply has changed. i dunno what to do anymore. should i give up or should i continue? but i see no reason in you which can allow me to continue tis relationship. i dun wanna give up tis relationship. bcos i truly love u. love is a strong word to use. i knew i used it correctly some time ago. but i dunno if i'm using it correctly now. dun give me a reason to leave. give me some meaning to make me noe tt u're worth staying for.
all along, those quarrels, those scoldings, those sayings has reali taken a lot whole of me. its time i take a rest. ive been stressing myself out on tis relationship. ive been put under pressure which may seem to u as nothing big deal. the pressure n stress i'm facing now is the worst ive ever faced. it will take alot on me. i dunno if ive the strength to carry on.
now. after realising so many things after an hour of thinking, all i wanna tell you is tt. leave me alone n set me free if you insist on thinking the way youve been thinking for the past dunno how many months. if not, please give me a reason to stay.
i'm not asking for much. am i? ive been feeling very neglected. uve been treating me very coldly for so long. u said things got better. but now, everything is back to square. all i wan is more love n more care from u. i need the attention from u. i need the encouragement from u. i need the support from u. i need the care uve once gave me. i need the love uve once gave me. is tt too much to ask for? i doubt so. i dun wan a 24 carat diamond ring. i dun wan any thing but i just wan wadever tt uve once given me n has stop given me.. i'm possessive. i told u once. and i'm telling u again. i wanna possess u. and only u. i'm possessive.
if its too much to ask from you. i'm sorry. turn your head, leave and never come back. i just want to be with u like how i used to be. i just want things to be like in the past. i just want you to come back.. i just want you to come back. is that too much to ask for? will you come back for me? i need you so. i miss you so. all i want is just for you to come back... [[ 342.daes.all.i.want.is.just.for.you.to.come.back. ]]
[missed you`] at 10/25/2004 11:18:00 PM
i've indeed grew weaker emotionally. i'm beginning to cry and weep over every small little thing. for the past few days, all i did while toking to u, after toking to you is nth but crying. u know how terrible i actuali felt? i dunno. i reali find no reason carrying on wif my life. perhaps. its just tt i've began to grow tired of life. u claim tt you understand me. but do you reali understand the real me? i myself dont, so how could you. tell me. tell me how can you??!!?!?
for the past close to one year, ive lost so much frens. and needed to make new frens. i know life's gonna get tough on me after i moved. but i guess it wont be of a much difference cos you're always here for me. but. i guess you didnt make a big difference in any way. i dunno. i'm beginning to feel numb. what i wish for now is just to end my pathetic life. do you know tt? you says i'm choosy about the frens i want to make. but have you ever put urself into my situation and think why? its not always me complaining and doing all the shit things. its not always me. i told u pple ard me are fucked up. there isnt any way i can make new frens among those pple. things will just get worst if i befren them. life's reali tough. i dont have a choice. i wanna make frens. but took you into consideration. i try to find decent n nicer pple to befren with. so tt i wont give you any problems. but you says i'm choosy. everyone's picking on me nowadays. i dunno why. things arent going well.
time spent with you now are no longer fun n relaxing. i arent reali happy. time spent together with you now is much more pressurizing, i seem to be stressing myself out now more than usual. if i was given a choice to stay like tis and to go back to the days we normally quarrel, i would choose to go back to then. though those days were tough. but. at least i feel your love and care for me. unlike now. all i felt was nth more than reprimands. i feel tt we're beginning to drift apart. we arent close anymore. why? u're just like a stranger to me. the feeling i got from you now is much more undescribable than the first day i saw u and teased you about yiling's laogong matter. even though we didnt noe each other back tt time. but i felt much more closer to you then to now. why? all i felt from wadever you're giving now is nth but pressure n reprimand. almost every night, i'll get scolded or you'll say tis n that abt me. you're constantly putting pressure on me. i'm soon going loose my breathe and die at tt very moment. my heart no longer could thump slowly, it has to thump faster to catch up with your pace. it has to thump faster, if not i'll lose out. i feel sick. i aint feeling well. you didnt noe tt. hence, you continued with tt quick and bo chap attitude n pace towards me. i'm feeling as if i'm suffering from asthma. i'm feeling dizzy. just like i'll faint at any point of time. every nite, all i could think about is that if i still have the strength to carry on with life. i'm practically tired of my whole life. i'm wondering why wont you understand. you always think tt i'm alright. but i aint. i aint alright!!! i needed your love, your care. but where were you? all u given me was the scoldings, were the sayings about me tis n me that. do you know how i actuali felt? u never once said those things to me. but you do now. you simply has changed. i dunno what to do anymore. should i give up or should i continue? but i see no reason in you which can allow me to continue tis relationship. i dun wanna give up tis relationship. bcos i truly love u. love is a strong word to use. i knew i used it correctly some time ago. but i dunno if i'm using it correctly now. dun give me a reason to leave. give me some meaning to make me noe tt u're worth staying for.
all along, those quarrels, those scoldings, those sayings has reali taken a lot whole of me. its time i take a rest. ive been stressing myself out on tis relationship. ive been put under pressure which may seem to u as nothing big deal. the pressure n stress i'm facing now is the worst ive ever faced. it will take alot on me. i dunno if ive the strength to carry on.
now. after realising so many things after an hour of thinking, all i wanna tell you is tt. leave me alone n set me free if you insist on thinking the way youve been thinking for the past dunno how many months. if not, please give me a reason to stay.
i'm not asking for much. am i? ive been feeling very neglected. uve been treating me very coldly for so long. u said things got better. but now, everything is back to square. all i wan is more love n more care from u. i need the attention from u. i need the encouragement from u. i need the support from u. i need the care uve once gave me. i need the love uve once gave me. is tt too much to ask for? i doubt so. i dun wan a 24 carat diamond ring. i dun wan any thing but i just wan wadever tt uve once given me n has stop given me.. i'm possessive. i told u once. and i'm telling u again. i wanna possess u. and only u. i'm possessive.
if its too much to ask from you. i'm sorry. turn your head, leave and never come back. i just want to be with u like how i used to be. i just want things to be like in the past. i just want you to come back.. i just want you to come back. is that too much to ask for? will you come back for me? i need you so. i miss you so. all i want is just for you to come back... [[ 342.daes.all.i.want.is.just.for.you.to.come.back. ]]
[missed you`] at 10/25/2004 11:18:00 PM
i've indeed grew weaker emotionally. i'm beginning to cry and weep over every small little thing. for the past few days, all i did while toking to u, after toking to you is nth but crying. u know how terrible i actuali felt? i dunno. i reali find no reason carrying on wif my life. perhaps. its just tt i've began to grow tired of life. u claim tt you understand me. but do you reali understand the real me? i myself dont, so how could you. tell me. tell me how can you??!!?!?
for the past close to one year, ive lost so much frens. and needed to make new frens. i know life's gonna get tough on me after i moved. but i guess it wont be of a much difference cos you're always here for me. but. i guess you didnt make a big difference in any way. i dunno. i'm beginning to feel numb. what i wish for now is just to end my pathetic life. do you know tt? you says i'm choosy about the frens i want to make. but have you ever put urself into my situation and think why? its not always me complaining and doing all the shit things. its not always me. i told u pple ard me are fucked up. there isnt any way i can make new frens among those pple. things will just get worst if i befren them. life's reali tough. i dont have a choice. i wanna make frens. but took you into consideration. i try to find decent n nicer pple to befren with. so tt i wont give you any problems. but you says i'm choosy. everyone's picking on me nowadays. i dunno why. things arent going well.
time spent with you now are no longer fun n relaxing. i arent reali happy. time spent together with you now is much more pressurizing, i seem to be stressing myself out now more than usual. if i was given a choice to stay like tis and to go back to the days we normally quarrel, i would choose to go back to then. though those days were tough. but. at least i feel your love and care for me. unlike now. all i felt was nth more than reprimands. i feel tt we're beginning to drift apart. we arent close anymore. why? u're just like a stranger to me. the feeling i got from you now is much more undescribable than the first day i saw u and teased you about yiling's laogong matter. even though we didnt noe each other back tt time. but i felt much more closer to you then to now. why? all i felt from wadever you're giving now is nth but pressure n reprimand. almost every night, i'll get scolded or you'll say tis n that abt me. you're constantly putting pressure on me. i'm soon going loose my breathe and die at tt very moment. my heart no longer could thump slowly, it has to thump faster to catch up with your pace. it has to thump faster, if not i'll lose out. i feel sick. i aint feeling well. you didnt noe tt. hence, you continued with tt quick and bo chap attitude n pace towards me. i'm feeling as if i'm suffering from asthma. i'm feeling dizzy. just like i'll faint at any point of time. every nite, all i could think about is that if i still have the strength to carry on with life. i'm practically tired of my whole life. i'm wondering why wont you understand. you always think tt i'm alright. but i aint. i aint alright!!! i needed your love, your care. but where were you? all u given me was the scoldings, were the sayings about me tis n me that. do you know how i actuali felt? u never once said those things to me. but you do now. you simply has changed. i dunno what to do anymore. should i give up or should i continue? but i see no reason in you which can allow me to continue tis relationship. i dun wanna give up tis relationship. bcos i truly love u. love is a strong word to use. i knew i used it correctly some time ago. but i dunno if i'm using it correctly now. dun give me a reason to leave. give me some meaning to make me noe tt u're worth staying for.
all along, those quarrels, those scoldings, those sayings has reali taken a lot whole of me. its time i take a rest. ive been stressing myself out on tis relationship. ive been put under pressure which may seem to u as nothing big deal. the pressure n stress i'm facing now is the worst ive ever faced. it will take alot on me. i dunno if ive the strength to carry on.
now. after realising so many things after an hour of thinking, all i wanna tell you is tt. leave me alone n set me free if you insist on thinking the way youve been thinking for the past dunno how many months. if not, please give me a reason to stay.
i'm not asking for much. am i? ive been feeling very neglected. uve been treating me very coldly for so long. u said things got better. but now, everything is back to square. all i wan is more love n more care from u. i need the attention from u. i need the encouragement from u. i need the support from u. i need the care uve once gave me. i need the love uve once gave me. is tt too much to ask for? i doubt so. i dun wan a 24 carat diamond ring. i dun wan any thing but i just wan wadever tt uve once given me n has stop given me.. i'm possessive. i told u once. and i'm telling u again. i wanna possess u. and only u. i'm possessive.
if its too much to ask from you. i'm sorry. turn your head, leave and never come back. i just want to be with u like how i used to be. i just want things to be like in the past. i just want you to come back.. i just want you to come back. is that too much to ask for? will you come back for me? i need you so. i miss you so. all i want is just for you to come back... [[ 342.daes.all.i.want.is.just.for.you.to.come.back. ]]
[missed you`] at 10/25/2004 11:18:00 PM
all i wanted was just a long n nice conversation with you. is tt too much to ask for? i dunno. god always make things go the wrong way for me. wanna sit down and have a nice conversation wif you. somehow, somewhere, someone have to come into the picture and there goes the conversation. do you noe how sad i was when i had to hang up? yes, u didnt ask me to hang up. yes, i could have just done the least to ask u not to talk to them and tell u i wan to talk to you. i know i could do tt at least. but i dun wanna make it a point whereby all ur time is only for me. i told u i was possessive. u didnt choose to believe. at tt moment, all i wanted was just to talk to you and not wan to hang up. but instead of letting u asking me to hang up n call u back later on, i chose to hang up first. everytime when u meet up with your frens, ask me to call back. do you know how i actuali felt? i dunno. all i felt was neglected. wanting to talk to u so much. but too bad for me. i dunno. is it reali too much to even ask for tt??
i'm beginning to doubt myself. to doubt everyone, everything. no one seems to be like who they reali are. at any moment, at any point of time, one could change. and tt hurts me alot. i'm wondering why. why things have to go tis way. things might be better if i've acted more possessive. things might be much much better. letting u talk wif him, letting u have another thought, pose another danger to me. now. u're ok with letting me to keep my frenster account open. but with you opening another account. basically, i wanted to close it when u tok abt it is bcos i know if u open an account, we'll be over soon. quarrels will come continuosly. just look at msn. msn alone could lead to so many freaking quarrels. now. msn and frenster. like i've said. i'm beginning to doubt myself. i find myself no longer can trust anyone. wadever you've said, wadever promise you've broken. made me wonder hard. if things will ever go back to the past. will history repeats itself. i dont dare to trust. i dont dare to hope. i've been living in a world of darkness, loneliness even though u appeared. u appeared. things may be better. but. quarrels are not avoidable. those quarrels made me realise lots of stuff and at the same time, made me realise wad kinda world i'm living in. i dunno. i noe i'm not as good as ur ex-girlfrens. i noe i'm way far bhind them. i noe i'm unreasonable. i noe i'm selfish. i noe i'm attitude. i noe i noe i noe!! tt isnt wad i want too. i didnt mean to break my promise. but i had a reason bhind it. not i dun want to delete the frenster account. but i cant dump my frens and everything there right? its been so god damn long since i wanna see them. i miss them so so much. i would give my life just to see the class gather together be it for just tt hour or two. i dun mind giving my life just to see them. they are important to me. and so are you.
everytime we quarrel. wadever may be the reason. tears wud welled up in my eyes. my face turns red. tears start flowing. i'll start msging you. waiting for your replies. after i sent out the msges just now. all i did was to sit on the bed, holding on to my phone, waiting for your replies. everytime i see my phone lighted up wif a beep sound, i knew it was a msg. how i hope it was urs. but it isnt. i start to panic. for fear you might leave me here all alone and never come back. i went to take a bath to calm myself down. but all i could do is to think if u've replied, if my phone is ringing with tears still rolling down as i stand under the flowing water. when i come out from the toilet, i received your msges. you sounded so cold. i had no idea wad to do. and started crying. call me a cry baby. call me a bitch. but please dont leave me. drop me a msg and ask if i'm ok. to let me noe tt at least you're still there to care for me. close to an hour has past. all i hope for, all i wish for didnt come true. my heart is still thumping hard n fast. feeling so afraid tt you might not be there for me anymore. but i know it was all my fault. i could blame no one but myself. but wont you just msg me again, making me noe n feel that you're still here for me?? i wonder.
as the clock ticks as every second past by, as every love song on my playlist was played. i'm growing weaker. my heart starts to thump harder n faster. i'm feeling more afraid with the cold wind blows. wondering why didnt you msg me. all i need now is just a msg from u. telling me that everything's ok. but i know it's impossible. cos tts too much for me to ask from you. all along, ive been asking alot from you. its time i stop and repay you. but all the time, after all the quarrels, you told me the same thing. from all the love i gave you, you felt nth but pain. just when we talked about if we'll end up ending our relationship last nite, tonight i'm feeling tis way. finally able to feel everything bit by bit. all alone, i've reali been asking too much. but i cant repay u with happiness. u're right. if i were to get together wif another guy, i would long ago get dump. cos wad i ask for is reali too much. mayb the least i could do to make you regain your happiness is to let go. instead of adding up to your unhappiness, i should let go n at least, u'll be happier off with your basketball. and mayb one day u'll find a girl who is the one u've been yearning for in your whole life...
i'm sorry i cant be perfect...
[missed you`] at 10/25/2004 12:24:00 AM
Sunday, October 24, 2004 bacck. so sians. was rotting my day off. hahas. last nite was enjoyable. =)
23 oct 04' was rotting at home till about errr.. 1500pm bahs. yeahs. wenta meet e` guys at downtown east. wenta e` arcade as its raining. den headed down to the pool after awhile. swam for awhile. the guys were cute!! hees* den wenta e` beach wif darling, linkin n hweepeng. fatt went home. his probation's still on. wasnt very happy wif him too. hahas. guys are reali jialat. well. forget it. den went back at 2100+pm. walked in the rain wif darling. was coldd. brrr~* den walked n ran barefooted after the first bridge. hahas. so cute nehs. hahas. was reali happy that very moment. its been so long since i feel like a kidd. gees* got home kinda late. abt 2330 if i'm not wrong. haas. was tired. but slept late too.. waited for his msg. -.-" had quite some things to think about. well. it shldnt be bothering me bahs. LOL.
24 oct 04' lols. same line will appear on every sunday's entries. hahas. sunday sucks. bo0oring day. sians sians. nth to do de. didnt go out. wanted to stay at home. was all alone at home. till about evening dajie came home. got prepare. den went out for her fren's wedding. yupps. today mahs. actuali wanted to sleep thruout till tmll morning de. but mummy woke me up. so well. beauty sleep gone. grrr~* woke up. did nth. slackked infront of the com. he was still slping. so was all alone doing nth until he msg me. toked for awhile. er jie wanna use fone. den toked again. he met up wif nicholas. went for coffee. so i chose to hang up first. if not i'll be asked to hang up the fone soon. so. in order to feel better, i chose to hang up. hahs. well. chat wif aiai online. she's now not very happy wif her mr ma. cos he didnt reply his msg. tt guy. oso dunno wad he's doing. jialat. well. my eyes cant open. i'm gonna catch a warm bath n get my butt on e` bed. tired yeahs?? e` weather is brrr~ hahas. the weather's cold larhs. gundo0~ haas. sians. its monday tmll. monday blues!! b0o~!!!! well. guess i'll be sulking the whole of tmll. LOL. tts abt it bahs. take care guys. nitey. tatas`
i'm back. hahas. got home close to 0000am last nite. so didnt blog. needed my beauty sleep urgently. LOLS.
23 oct 04' hmm. went out wif darling n linkin n fatt. met them at downtown east bus stop. was raining. hahas. well. after the rain stopped, went to e` swimming pool at costa sands resort to swim. they were lame. behaving like small kiddos. hhahs. i was at a corner inside the pool. it was drizzling slightly only bahs. den was in e` pool for abt an hour plus. den we went to get changed. den linkin wenta find hwee peng. den darling, fatt n me wenta eat at kfc. tok abt lotsa things. and fatt. haiis. disappointing. LOL. wan darling to bring him to a stupid ktv where all girls there are half naked next year after his probation. hahas. tt is still long. dun have to worry abt tt. cos as time pass, there will be many changes. hahas. well. after eating, which was about an hour later, we went to the beach leaving fatt out. he gotta go home. probation's still on. den me n darling slackk at the entrance of the pasir ris beach there. waiting for linkin. gosh. he's so damn long lorhs. when they reach. walk in there. sitted at a rock. waiting for time to pass. den at abt 2100. hwee peng have to go. so we slowly walk out. den it started to drizzle den rain. darling n i walked in the rain barefooted after we crossed the 1st bridge. lol. got so wet. wenta dry ourselves at downtown's toilet. den took number 3 n darling sent me home. hahs. its a very enjoyable night i would say. its been so so long since i play in the rain. hahas. i think soon i get fever. or am i oreadi having fever? LOL.
today. so sians. its a sunday. wad u wan. hahas. there's school tmll. so borring. then there wont be school on tuesday!! yeahs~!! cos.. tuesday's boring. we'll have 2 hours of math. tt will be so so so boring. but luckily, tuesday's school promotion day. no school!! yippies~!! wahahas. i'm waiting for friday. i'm gonna enjoy myself like crazy. first. i'm going to collect results. hope it wont be bad. if not, all plans cancelled. haiis. *cross my fingers* if result's not tt bad, i will be going down to the plaza to do my nails. after tt, i plan to go wild wild wet with my girls provided things go right for me. den go jes' hse change n so. den mayb go town or wadd. den meet darling in the evening. hahas. den they say at night go east coast tonn. lols. tt should be the plan. but not confirm. might change due to any changes. yeahs..
hmm. darling still slping lehs. haben receive his msg. mayb call him later bahs. let him sleep awhile longer.
grrr. me no money le. left with 10 bucks nia. need another 50 bucks by next friday. goshh. where the hell am i gonna find those kinda of money. shucks!!den horrs. by mid next month, i needa get at least another 80 bucks. gosh. i'm dying soon. no money le. hurrs. i one week how much nia. gosh. yao si le. haiis... needa scrimp n save harder. haiis~ hols is all about money. sians... grrr~!!
well. gonna go do some stuff le. tonight will be rotting bahs. LOL. take care guys. rest earli tonight. enjoy. mwahs`
things might not go well for me anymore. bcos life is unfair. just when things are getting better. new things happen and ruin everything. how many times all tis must happen?? i dunno. god. please sympathize me. i just wan some peace... [[ 341 days. 24 more days to go n we're 1 year together~!! mwahs` ]]
[missed you`] at 10/24/2004 04:11:00 PM
Friday, October 22, 2004 hmm. after some time of experimenting, its proven tt miss choong vivian is no longer a computer addict!! wo0s~ congrats congrats!! dia0s -.-" lame. hahas. well. just trying to crack some j0kes here. LOL.
kinda amazed actuali. i could actuali not blog for some time. amazed amazed. hiaks* i'm a pro. well. BHB. gagas*
hmm. lets look back at the past.
21 oct 2004. haiiyers. had no school. was slackking. slept 12 hours straight. lols. i was a pro. hahas. long time never so relaxed ler. hahas. den now so slackk. almost everyday oso like tt. wahahas. now headache le. grrrs~
grrrr. i hate school!! haiis. got back papers for checking. deep deep sigh* how disapppointing. failed math by 2 marks and hist0ry by 1 mark. so so so disappointed. i've invest too much time into playing and stuff. regretting now is not what i should be doing. i shouldnt be regretting since tis is the way i wan things to be. i noe i'm not born to be a genius. yet i dun wanna put in much more effort. well well. i'm all to be blamed. but forget it. what's done is done. all i could do now is to pray tt god would be lenient wif me. hope that he wouldnt take my childiness to heart. may he be magnanimous and bless me. i promise i'll put in more effort. haiis... well. other than tis 2 disappointing subs, i've topped dnt and geog. co0l. hahas. 2 a1s. wahahas. mid-yr i've only got 1 a1. how sad. now 2. guess i'm somehow improving. there's just rooms for improvement, thats all. =)
school ended at 1330. haiis. was yawning throughout the whole 3 hour personal effectiveness course. hahas. tt ms nas was rather bo0oring. opps* but she was quite fun too. only till abt the session was ending larhs. hahas. monday dunno do wad os0. sec 1s must wait till wednesday den got sports exposure. haiis.mustwait. not like sec 3s. so shiok. got dragon boat + canoning. grrr~ nevermind. i'll wait. my turn will come. muahahs. haiis. gonna rot my life away in school for the whole of next week. but luckily. school's gonna fnsh at 1330 everyday next week. and friday, parents come collect report book and can go home le. waahhaas.
borred life. went out to meet darling n linkin at about 1730 lidat. many things happened. sorry darling* hope darling's back's not hurting anymore. feeling guilty. haiis. sorry baobeii* forgiven mahs?? sadd. watched them played basketball. funn. hadnt had time to sit down and watch a basketball match quietly le. waiting for a real basketball match between 2 teams. hehes*
well. no school tmll. haf no idea of where i'll be going. what i'll be doing. haiis. sians. dunno larhs. let the guys do the planning. i'll just wait and follow. hahas. well. feeling sleepy le. wanna go pigging le. hahas. used to sleeping 12 hours straight le bahs. gagas* take care guys. nitey. muacks..
Wednesday, October 20, 2004 hahas. today fnsh last paper. dnt. l0ls. graphic drawings were easy task. hahas. wad got me thinking were the fill in the blanks. tough man. haiis. well. came home earli. slackk. changed my email add. created new account.slackk. den went out at 230 like tt. wenta c0llect my cl0thes. den wenta meet jeslyn n peiishan at white sands. den headed down to tampines. looked at stuff. den slackked at foodcourt, talkk tallk. grrr.. was b0rred. but time pass fast. headed down to jes' house aft tt. slackk. took pictures. eat. change clothes like model. lols. den went back aft awhile. reached home an hour later. grrr~ was b0rred larhs. feeling like shit. hahas.
life sucks. love sucks.
[missed you`] at 10/20/2004 11:10:00 PM
hahas. exams officially finish le!! wahahas. no scho0l for me tmll!! yeahs!! let's go party.. lols. well. paper was quite easy. except for fill in e` blanks. lols. i guess i'm gonna flung tt section. hahas. graphics drawing were fine. both were easy. muahahs. other than tt mahs. nothing else le bahs. so funny nehs. the feeling of no needa go to scho0l tmll is so weird. dunn0 why. hahas. sians. hmm. i'm currently ho0ked on t0 e` song by First Lady. never be replaced. hahas. cute song. but quite irritating at times. LOLS. weird me. hahas. hmm. later mummy, daddy, br0ther n er jie g0nna g0 wild wild wet. n me? exams are over!! i'm g0nna party wif my jiemeiis. l0ls. party at h0me yeas?? hahas. lamee* later g0ing out to meet my ba0beiis. so sians. dunn0 where t0 g0 os0. haiis. peii failed 4 subs. saddening man. jes still dunn0. h0pe she w0nt d0 badly bahs. haiis. n0w waiting f0r mine nia. friday kn0w le. i scarred. deep deep loong loong sigh* well. g0nna end here with tt cute yet irritating s0ng. bl0g again t0nite t0 update wad happen bahs. tatas` First Lady`Never Be Replaced.
baby i love you and i'll never let you go. but if i have to. boy i think tt you should know. all e` love we made. can never be erased. and i promise you that you will never be replaced.
baby i love you and i'll never let you go. but if i have to. boy i think tt you should know. all e` love we made. can never be erased. and i promise you that you will never be replaced.
i love you. yes i do.
i'll be with you as long as you want me to. until (until) the end (the end) of time (of time). from the day i met you i knew we'd be together. and now i know i wanna be with you forever. i wanna marry you and i wanna have your kids. thinking never compared to the feelings of your kisses.
i can say i'm truly happy to this day. you made me think i died, i live my life everyday. there's never been a doubt in my mind. that i regret ever having you by my side.
but if the day comes that i have to let you go. i think there's something i should probably let you know. that everyday that i spend with you. and i wont miss you cos i'm happy that i had you at all.
baby i love you and i'll never let you go.
but if i have to. boy i think tt you should know.
all e` love we made. can never be erased.
and i promise you that you will never be replaced.
baby i love you and i'll never let you go.
but if i have to. boy i think tt you should know.
all e` love we made. can never be erased.
and i promise you that you will never be replaced.
you will never be replaced.
i feel for you yes i do. be with you as long as you want me to until the end of time...
cute horrs? hees* love you.
[missed you`] at 10/20/2004 09:57:00 AM
Tuesday, October 19, 2004 hehes. backk. well. wad a b0ring day. feeling damn tired. yawns*
scho0l. hahs. had math paper 2 n art. wahahs. math was easy. l0ls. f0r the first time ehs? hahas. hmm. art mahs. kinda c0ck up. stupiid tcher give tt stupiid strawberry+vanilla de l0llip0p to draw. damn difficult l0rhs. haiiyers. well. n0t to such a bad extent narhs. n0t damn difficult. but had a hardd time. -.-" luckily managed t0 fnsh it up. gees* having last paper tmll. dnt. l0ls. after tt. i'm g0nna party!! yeahs!! happy w0rrs. hahas..
came h0me. chatted online f0r awhile. went d0wn t0 buy dinner. was kinda drenched when i reach h0me. l0ls. saw nic0le n franceseca?? sth like tt larhs* den wenta bo0k a time sl0t f0r my mani+pedi. l0ls. e` nail art sh0wn on e` display damn nice l0rhs. haiis. sadd. i dunn0 wad t0 do nehs. perhaps french f0r my hands. n perhaps e` nail art for my t0es. gees* tt adds up t0 an0ther 50 bucks. haiiyers~ br0ke le narhs. u see arhs. just tis m0nth i'm buying 1 top and 1 skirt. tt adds up to $50. haiis. den n0w nails an0ther $50. sians sians sians. $100 bucks lehs~ ka0s. n0w i only g0t.. lemme see arhs. h0ld on. haiiyers. $90 nia. i need at least extra $30 more. $10 to add up to my list of stuff i wanna buy. and an0ther $20 for spare. shucks shucks shucks. sibeii sians sia. but h0rrs. mummy giving me m0ney end of m0nth when she get pay. den n0w. just have t0 scrimp and save a little bit m0re everyday l0rhs. haiis. h0pe i can get enuff m0ney so0n. i need an0ther $170 m0re f0r the rest of the stuff i wanna buy. urghs!! think of m0ney only i du lans. hurr.
well. aft lunch. went out at 1530 like tt. g0 meet darling as well as peishan f0r a while t0 talk talk. haiis.. tmll g0ing out wif peishan n jeslyn. muahahs. shld be only larhs. sians. haiis. den go ardd wif darling. den went h0me at 6pm n0rrs. hahas. well. think g0nna end here le bahs. wanna g0 study lerr. xin qing bu shi hen ha0. hahas. haiis. go0d nites guys. bubbuais~
feelings. i no longer know wads tt. feeling rather weird. guess its just for the time being. time is all i need. to sort out all my thoughts. to think if i still can carry on. life's getting tough. i'm starting to break into pieces. ups and downs. those are e` essentials of life. if not, life wouldnt be complete. but cant i just live in a fairyland? where life's sweet n simple. forever can only be found there. not here, in this world.
Monday, October 18, 2004 hmm. things finally got better. l0ls~
had literature t0day. paper was fine. d0-able. quite easy i w0uld say. hiaks* qiu yan damn attitude. g0t counselled by car0lina, kumar, angela wee but still like tt. den she came in exam hall an h0ur later. -.-" she smacked vivian with hardc0ver bo0k. crapp. den give kumar attitude. g0t sc0lded bc0s of tt. l0ls. she jialat. dunn0 h0w she'll survive man. n0t s0ciable de. hurr.
wenta meet darling at bl0ck d0wnstairs. he teach me math. hahas. finally. i g0t better grasp of algebra. hahahs. only we n0e. he was unable t0 s0lve a sum. but i can. evil laughters* kkies larhs. dun say ler. later he malu. l0ls. den slack slack awhile. talk crapp. g0sh. n0w den i realised many stuff. hahas. s0 sians l0rhs. me lagging. needa upgrade. l0ls. f0und out h0w t0 buy ring f0r the other partner. f0und out tt actuali my finger n his was quite of like. about the same size. l0ls. so cute h0rrs. hahs. still g0t al0t larhs. l0ls.
haiis. tmll g0t math paper 2 n art. needa study. gtg den. bubbuais~ nites.
[[ 337.days. miss you. ]]
[missed you`] at 10/18/2004 10:52:00 PM
Sunday, October 17, 2004 fucking hell. go fuck off or something like tt, will you??
all this time you were pretending, so much for my happy ending.
i wasnt wrong abt my prediction.
but i chose to believe.
how dumb can i be?
will u just get your back off me?
get lost.
i hate you!! jerk`
[missed you`] at 10/17/2004 10:32:00 PM
well well. hahas. changed my skin again. l0ls. did tis f0r 2 days. kinda tiring yeahs? faced the c0m f0r 2 days just t0 d0 tis freaking thing. den its like. sit there f0r oh g0sh. h0w many h0urs sia. hahas. well. i'm glad its n0t badd. :)
ytd was j0yna's bdae. t0day. n0 one. 2 days later, peishan's bdae. well. i'm bankrupt. needa save all over again. urghs.. tml's lit paper. 2 h0urs straight. oh g0d. please save me!!! haiis.
t0day, a bo0oring sunday. wake up at abt 10am. slackk n crapp. den went online. chatted wif darling f0r awhile online. he was using webcam. given by c0ry, his da jie's b0iifren. l0ls. tt guy fr0m canada w0rrs. hahas. see his face bef0re. thru frenster. l0ls~ well. went d0wn t0 pungg0l plaza f0r lunch. ka0s. tt place i g0 there alm0st every day t0 have lunch. crapp man. i rather starve myself. fo0d there sucks. urghs.. pungg0l shld build sth m0re of a use. da jie did facial. er jie b0ught cl0thes. me? did nth. wenta qoo.g. the guy i saw there was fr0m far east. he intr0 me t0 s0me new st0ck. n0t bad. hahas. still dunn0 wanna buy or n0t. haiis. sians sia. e` t0p is co0l l0rhs. its like. wo0~ sexy.. hahas. the skirt is damn nice. k0as. have tt sweet sweet feeling if g0 wif sth suitable. g0sh. h0w am i g0nna save 50 bucks f0r it? grrr~ and i need an0ther 45 f0r manicure n pedicure. g0sh. i'm g0iing br0ke bef0re the h0ls c0uld arrive. haiis.
well. wasnt feeling great. i dunn0. just a few m0ments ag0. i cried. wad a cry baby. hahhas. i dunn0 f0r wad i cry. i just dun feel well. i arent feeling happy. i dunn0 why. its like. s0rry darling* like i t0ld u. i would disapp0int u. i n0e i've been c0mmiting same mistakes n crapp. i n0e i c0uld prevent it since i n0e wad's my pr0bb. but.. feelings is wad i cant c0ntr0l well. i have n0 pr0blems. but i just feel tis way. i dunn0. everytime things get better. i see m0re chance of l0sing u. i feel tt we're m0re drifted apart than the times when we arent on s0 go0d terms. haiis. there's only 1 questi0n i wanna ask. and tt questi0n is n0ne other than "why?" why am i feeling like tis?? why?? arent things g0ing perfectly alright? arent u starting to trust me? arent we getting cl0ser? arent we feeling m0re pain in the heart each time we say go0dbye?? isnt th0se wad happen t0 us n0w h0ney??!!?!? den why am i feeling like tis?? i n0e there's n0 one else other than me wh0 can c0ntrol my own feelings. but.. tis is h0w exactly i'm feeling n0w. i've asked a c0uple of frens if i'm h0ping to0 much fr0m tis relati0nship. i asked them if i'm wanting to0 much fr0m u. i've asked if i'm being to0 much f0r the past cl0se to 11 months. but... n0ne of them say i am. they said i am perfectly okies. its just tt there will be s0me blunders in a relationship which cant be escaped fr0m. i dunn0. i'm feeling as th0ugh i'm asking to0 much.
as we talk abt the future. the next 8 years d0wn the r0ad. our studies. the time we're g0nna spent overseas after retirement or wad. tt s0unds reali nice. but. i'm certain tt i wont be tt perfect. either one of us will make mistakes s0me h0w. i dunn0 h0w. but s0me h0w, we'll g0 wrong. perhaps tis isnt the r0ad i'm supp0se t0 be in. a few days of happiness g0d has given me is m0re than enuff i c0uld ask f0r. i dunn0. go0d things d0esnt last. d0es it? just when i th0ught i c0uld thr0w all my past behind me n lead a new and happy life ahead. g0d has t0 play tis kinda j0ke on me. he made me feel uncertain abt my feelings. he made me l0se h0pe. i dun wish t0 be like tis. c0s' i dun wanna upset u anym0re. it hurts me s0 g0d damn much just t0 see u being hurt by wadever i've d0ne. u certainly dun deserve tis kinda treatment. s0meh0w or rather, tis r0ad arent g0ing straight. wad we're g0nna face is much m0re than sl0pes or hills. things w0nt be easy. will it? i h0pe s0. i guess i needa calm my heart d0wn. i arent in the best of mo0d n0w. well. off i g0 then. t a t a s`
[[ 336 days` sorry if i've disappoint u. i dun wan it tis way too.. sorry. ]]
[missed you`] at 10/17/2004 09:12:00 PM
Saturday, October 16, 2004 e l l o!! i'm back. hehehs. g0sh. i didnt kn0w i could live without blogger for so l0ng. l0ls. lets update!!
13 oct 04' had english paper 2 and chinese paper 2. chinese was a little difficult. urghs~ met darling at night to study. hehes. didnt study lo0ong. ended up slackking. l0ls. was a great night. hahas.
14 oct 04' had math paper 1 n hist0ry. oh man. shucks. think i'm g0nna flung man. l0st 12 marks oreadi for math for not doing qns. n 18 for hist0ry. urghs!! du lans. den stayed at h0me. revise f0r science n ge0g till late night. g0shh man. slept at 2??
15 oct 04' had sci n ge0g paper. g0sh g0sh g0sh. i l0ve the papers man. hahas. quite easy. l0ls. l0ve my ge0g paper. wahahahs. muacks!! came h0me. helped aiai d0 her nails. tt taitai. l0ls. den went t0 pp ate lunch. den wenta pasir ris. wenta peishan's chalet. ka0s. darn happy. we had a fun time partying in the chalet wif phebe, sih0ng, siyun, jes n peishan!! co0l man. hahahhas. den wenta meet darling. wenta t0wn. just l0ve spending time wif him. muacks~
16 oct 04' t0day. its j0yna's birthday. yet to wish her happy birthday. haiis. well. met dear at compass point to revise math. went h0me at 7pm. th0ugh studying. but i still l0ve him. muacks~ miss him w0rrs. tmll will be l0nely. l0ls.
darling. reali love u worrs. may we be together happily 1314 okies? wo ai ni. muacks~
[[ 335 days with you. muacks~ ]]
[missed you`] at 10/16/2004 08:44:00 PM
Monday, October 11, 2004 hmm. last update: 08 oct 2004. l0ls. tts like 3 days le? hmm. time passes s0 fast yeahs? hahas. well. let us see wad happened in the past 2 days, and. t0day.
09 october 2004, saturday. hmm. went out in e` evening. met darling. wenta d0wnt0wn east first. met linkin. den wenta fisherman village's area t0 get a drink. t0k c0ck. du lans. pissed. all s0rt of shit. reached h0me abt 2300. darling sm0ke one stick after an0ther, one aft an0ther. see os0 heart pain. haiis. t0ked on e` f0ne. he hung me up l0tsa times. managed t0 talk. things g0t much better. but b0th arent alright yet.
10 october 2004, sunday. had my first ex0tic dance practice. darn tiring. did 50 tis, 50 tt. kinda sadd. n0w muscle-ache. l0ls. weak` well. was surprised. other than me, was an0ther 17 year old de. she was e` y0ungest, other than me. everyone th0ught i was like 16 or 17? oh my g0sh. pple there were all ab0ve 20 other than e` 2 of us. hahas. but, luckily, we g0t t0gether quite well. th0se 20 n ab0ve de treat me quite go0d. except f0r seline. she abit attitude sia. hurr. nevermind. mayb time is all we guys need. haiis. den wenta watch The Terminal wif darling. hahas. nice nice. had a nice day out wif him. but only e` go0dbyes were sadd. he didnt send me h0me. daddy insisted on me g0ing back wif them in tt car. haiis. sadd. but ytd was damn nice. hhhas. pr0blems n tr0ubles were all f0rg0tten. they were all thr0wn behind our back. we enj0yed our day t0gether. muacks~
11 0ct0ber 2004, m0nday. well. m0nday blues. scho0l less0n t0tally sucks big time. was b0red b0red b0red!! haiis. du lans. g0t pple darn attitude t0day. hate it man. hurr. haiis. n0t bad. g0t third in the class f0r dnt. l0ls. tuning int0 alicia keys' if i aint g0t u. wo0~ nice s0ng. hahas. me n tingy(lunnie de.) darn funny sia. on e` same day, when i changed to her bl0g s0ng, which is j0j0's leave(get out) and she changed to my blog song which is alicia keys' if i aint g0t u. hahas. damn cute. hmm. well. later g0ing out t0 study wif darling. l0ls. dunn0 will study n0t. hhahhas. sick. sians sia. n0thing t0 d0 w0rrs. hahahs. 2 m0re h0urs fr0m n0w. sl0wly c0unt d0wn. hiaks* haiis. well well. end here then. g0nna g0 p0m p0m again. smell bad. wth?!?! hahas. like th0se fish in e` market. l0ls. hannahs. bubbuais. go0d luck f0r e` c0ming exams peeps. mwah muacks`
[[ 330 days wifh u. 35 days m0re, its our 1 year t0gether. l0ve u` ]]
[missed you`] at 10/11/2004 05:08:00 PM
Friday, October 08, 2004 hahas. backk. l0ls. hmm. sians 1/2. hahas. b0red nehs.. scho0l's bo0oring today. wenta scho0l darn earli. m0rning damn suay sia. saw ah w0ng. den my n0se stud went missing. *cursing her* l0ls. she's sucha bitch. i cant wait t0 fnsh my 4 years of study in tt sickening scho0l asap n get out n never return. hahas. heartless me. wahahas. tis scho0l no p0int g0ing back. haas. well. darn sians. still g0t less0n tmll u n0e. hist0ry. urghs~ wanna die le. s0 earli l0rhs. 730am to 900am. sickk. how i wish time would pass fast fast. hehehs.
well. r0tting at h0me. l0ls. never study. sia0s lia0s. darn slackk sia. hahas. t0ked t0 himm` online. he using webcam. l0ls. lo0k darn b0iib0ii. hahas. cute little b0ii` muacks~
well. dunn0 wad t0 d0. still thinking yeahs? stress. life's getting stress wif each passing day. hahhas.
l0ve my bl0g s0ng nehs. dunn0 why. l0ls. well. g0nna end here. getting b0rred. haiis. take care. muacks~
[[ 327 days. hahas. wadever u've said, set me thinking real hardd. ]]
[missed you`] at 10/08/2004 08:31:00 PM
Thursday, October 07, 2004 well well. b0rred.
scho0l` scho0l's b0red. did s0me lame exercise wif e` mr sanmuga. hahas. den err. n0thing much happened in scho0l larhs. only f0r during recess, saw kelvin n kiat g0t punished by w0ng. i think they run 10 r0unds bahs. they like run many r0unds sia. l0ls. kkies. and recess. all thanks t0 the b0iis. aiai n i was st0pped by mrs shahul. but luckily, she only sc0lded e` guys and let e` girls g0. wahahas. lucky sia. if n0t sure kena l0tsa things de. hahhas. aft scho0l went f0r ge0g. actuali dun needa g0 de. but g0t things t0 ask. s0 went l0rhs. n0t s0 badd. time passes quite fast there. oh yarhs. had cme test t0day. g0sh. its rather difficult. l0ls.. can u believe it?? cme test is difficult?? hahas. well. fnshed e` paper in 1/2 h0ur. and slept aft tt. when its time t0 c0llect paper, fo0ng didnt wake me up w0rrs. she just take my paper den g0. but welll. i w0ke up aft she walked away. hahas. she s0 go0d sia. nv wake me up. l0ls. and. hahas. miss ye0w is damn great n funny l0rhs. m0rning tcher sharing was her mahs. s0 darn cute. hahas. l0ve her l0ads. even all e` tchers were amused by her. oh mann!! hahas. l0ve her. and during reading peri0d, kumar asked me t0 talk. haahha. expected it lerr. she was staring at me l0rhs. eeeeeeee` hahahs. talked ab0ut l0tsa stuff. she c0mplained. i c0mplained. hahhas. great time talking. hahas.
h0me` came h0me at ab0ut 3 plus. slackked. didnt d0 anything much. dunn0 why. mummy like suddenly care l0ts f0r me w0rrs. hahas. weirded. l0ls. well. f0rget it. i shant think much. hmm. wr0te letters. did crapp things. darn tired. h0ping i'll fall aslp earli t0nite. slept cl0se t0 4.30am last nite. cushh i fell aslp at 10pm. w0ke up just like tis at 01am plus. i th0t it was 5 plus ler.. but.. hahas. n0. its only 1plus in e` m0rning. darn disapp0inted and sadd. l0ls. crapp man. den stayed awake. think, think n think. hahahs. still thinking whether t0 keep e` b0ttle or t0 break it. haiis. well... i dunn0. h0pe i can fall aslp so0n. and yarhs. tmll i'll be staying back t0 help kumar wif e` sec 4 graduati0n cerem0ny thingy. l0ls. i darn free arhs?? jk. hahhas. any0ne care t0 j0in al0ng? l0ls`
g0nna end wif tis s0ng by j0j0, leave(get out). miss ya guys. muacks~
JoJo`Leave (Get Out) ]]
ive been waiting all day for you babe. so wont you come sit n talk to me. tell me how we are gonna be together always. hope you know that when its late at night. i hold on to my pillow tight. n think of how you promised me forever. (i never thought that anyone). could make me feel this way. (now that you're here boy all i want). is just a chance to say...
chorus`]] get out (leave) right now. its e` end of you n me. its too late (now) n i cant wait. for you to be gone. c0s i kn0w about her (move) and i wonder (why) how i bought all e` lies. you said that you would treat me right. but you was just a waste of time (waste of time).
tell me why you're looking so confused. when i'm e` one who didnt know e` truth. how could you ever be so cold. to go bhind my back n call my friend. boy you must have gone n bumped your head. bc0s you left her number on your phone. (so now aft all is said n done). maybe i'm e` one to blame. (to think that you could be e` one). well it didnt work out that way.
chorus`]]
i wanted you right here with me. but i have no choice you've got to leave. bc0s my heart is breaking. with every word i'm saying. i gave up everything i had. on something that just wouldnt last. but i refuse to cry. no tears will fall from these. eyes~ (oh~) GET OUT!!
chorus` 3x ]]
[missed you`] at 10/07/2004 07:26:00 PM
Wednesday, October 06, 2004 well. n0 scho0l f0r me t0day. l0ls. as well as aiai. hahas. p0ng scho0l. l0ls. hmm... w0ke up 5 plus in the m0rning. hahas. did n0thing. and stared and was awake till ab0ut 7 plus, saw his msg. den went back t0 sleep. w0ke up 9 plus 10. used the c0m. t0ked t0 mummy. den abt 12 plus went0 the d0ct0r.
ab0ut 4 plus den leave the clinic. to0k a blo0d test n urine test. d0ct0r says i've g0t te`ler`c`mia and anemia which is l0w blo0d. i dunn0 wad the hell is te`ler`c`mia. neither d0 i n0e h0w t0 spell. l0ls. lag. hahas. haiis.. but a very badd news. d0ct0r say if the te`le`c`mia get w0rst, i'll need blood transfusi0n and i cant give birth. c0s tis illness will get passed d0wn thru blo0d. haiis... very sians narhs.. den she os0 say i might haf dengue fever. slapp her face l0rhs. l0ls.
den went t0 phebe's h0use. went t0 talk talk. haiis... den ab0ut 6pm lidat. walked back t0 the number 3 bus st0p. saw himm. i've g0t n0 intenti0n of talking t0 him. but, still. we talked and he sent me h0me. haiis. on the wh0le j0urney, i've been thinking of wadever i knew.
w0ndering if i sh0uld break the b0ttle here. or i sh0uld keep the b0ttle a little while l0nger. i n0e every little decisi0n is up t0 me. but cant i haf a break? i'm g0ing crazy lerr. haiis. i dunn0 wad t0 d0!!!!!!!
go0d nites. i dunno if i can trust` to believe...
[[ 325 days. wadever u've once told me seems like a fairytale, a lie... ]]
[missed you`] at 10/06/2004 09:04:00 PM
Tuesday, October 05, 2004 well. t0day mahs. nth much t0 say. was darn sad.cried. quarrelled again. shld i say we quarrelled?? i dunn0. haiis. cant st0p crying. but. st0pped aft t0king wif grace. called many pple. but n0ne picked up the f0ne to spare me tt few minutes talking. and luckily, janice did. thanks babe, i love u loads. thanks for being patient wif me while i st0p crying. though i n0e i didnt. anws. thanks alot. muacks* kkies. den still talking t0 grace. hahas. runnning fever w0rrs. dunn0 why. mayb bc0s i cried to0 much or just bc0s of the cut on my hand. hahas. cutt`ed myself wif a rusty penknife. l0ls. one line, not deep enuff yet. wanted t0 g0 on, yet it hurts s0 much. st0pped cutting. but planned t0 c0ntinue it so0n. l0ls. h0w i wish i could bring myself t0 slit my wrist..
kkies. scho0l's bo0oring. slackk. l0ls. wahahhas. thursday n0 s.t. but g0t cme test. sians 1/2. haiis. well well. ive g0t nth t0 say. g0nna end here then. go0d nite guys. tired. g0nna g0 get s0me rest. tirredd + saddened` l0ls~
[[ 324 days. time will stop here, everything will too. life sucks~ ]]
[missed you`] at 10/05/2004 09:49:00 PM
Monday, October 04, 2004 hmm. ytd n0 bl0g. was h0me earli. but den.. was slackking i think. t0k n f0ne n everything. tts why. well. i'm d0wn wif fever. l0ls~ feeling great. i l0ve falling sick. hahas. hmm. lets see wad happened ytd.
03oct04. was out al0ne till 1 plus. wenta tm. b0ught my track pants n a tube. l0ls. yahs. met him. things werent fine at the beginning. but things g0t well aft tt. but i d0ubt he was h0w he acted ytd. hahas.
04oct04. today. had paper 1 t0day. damn slackky l0rhs. hahahs. den c0me h0me. slackk. den went out at 3pm lidat. den wenta meet dj-k0rr. c0s i wanted t0 see his d0gs. darn cute l0rhs. wahahas.. deejay n juni0r. hhahas. l0ve them b0th. hahahs. hmm. weecheng damn in need of sex l0rhs. sick bitch. haiis. guys arhs. cann0t make it. darn disapp0inted in all guys. ALL. haiis. well. den saw him f0r awhile. was damn sadd. s0 went h0me. but ended up sitting at the p0nd area crying. h0w i wish he w0uld chase aft me. but n0!!!!! he didnt and he will n0t. but he did. c0s i was crying. h0w sadd. n0 initiative. i reali am w0ndering h0w much i actuali meant t0 him. mayb i d0nt mean anything t0 him at all. life sucks. hahahs. well. h0ping tt i w0nt have t0 g0 t0 scho0l tmll. hahhas. tirred. em0ti0nally n physically. haiis. sick. i hate my life. i hate everything. i hate every0ne. every0ne never think of my feelings. u guys only n0e h0w t0 ap0logised aft u guys did sth wr0ng. why cant u guys just prevent it fr0m happening instead of letting it happen den ap0logise. seri0usly, i'm tt tired tt i wanna hear n0thing at all. n0 explainati0ns, n0 n0thing. u guys never understand my feelings. never knew h0w much u guys hurt me. owaes say tt i'm the one causing pr0blems n everything. s0rry. but aft all u say, u seemed like u're c0ntradicting urself. n0 point in trusting os0 mahs. hahas.
well. g0nna end here. there are just m0re than enuff things t0 make et pisssed ab0ut. f0rget it. i'm g0nna g0. i'm tired. i needa rest. i feel dizzy, wanting t0 faint....
[[ 323 days. all this time u were pretending, so much for my happy ending. ]]
[missed you`] at 10/04/2004 08:32:00 PM
Saturday, October 02, 2004 hmm. t0day's 02 october 2004. its my dear kel-b0ii's 12th bdae!! Happy 12th Birthday, boii!! hope all ur dreams come true. go0d luck for ur psle!!
well. t0day's a saturday. bo0oring day. never g0 out wif h0ney. hahas. s0 earli m0rn 6plus wake up lerr. laid on my bed. think over l0tsa stuff. t0day was darn em0ti0nal. feeling very weird. i dunn0 why. dad interrupted me while i was d0ing my dnt pr0ject. and f0rced me t0 tag al0ng to c0llect my specs. quarrelled wif him. den slammed e` do0r shut n cried in my ro0m. to0k my cl0things, ran int0 e` t0ilet n wash up. saw bing so0n at the s-11 wif his num. l0ls. came back. feeling damn irritated. dunn0 why. den went int0 my ro0m n slackked. den ab0ut 1530. went out t0 c0mpass p0int n meet grace. saw j0hn at e` 188 bus st0p. l0ls. den genevieve came wif bing so0n n kam whye?? yupps. they studied at kfc. grace n me walked ardd. went back t0 kfc at 1900 lidat. den sit d0wn awhile m0re then went h0me lerr.
h0ney've g0t badd attitude t0day. l0ls~ forget it bahs.. f0rgive but n0 f0rget. hahas. tts funny. well. g0nna end wif a so0ng. u guys take care. study hard. miss ya guys. muacks~
avril lavigne's my happy ending` so much for my happy ending. oh oh, oh oh, oh oh.....
let's talk this over its not like we're dead was it something i did was it something u said dont leave me hanging in a city so dead held up so high on such a breakable thread
you were all e` things i thought i knew and i thought we could be
chorus you were everything, everything tt i wanted we were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it all of e` memories, so close to me, just fade away all this time u were pretending so much for my happy ending oh oh, oh oh, oh oh.....
you've got your dumb friends i know what they say they tell you i'm difficult but so are they but they dont know me do they even know you all e` things you hide from me all e` shit tt you do
you were all e` things i thought i knew and i thought we could be
chorus
its nice to know tt you were there thanks for acting like you cared and making me feel like i was e` only one its nice to know we had it all thanks for watching as i fall and letting me know we were done
Friday, October 01, 2004 hihi. back. let's see wad happen t0day. l0ls.
scho0l` hmm. n0t bad bahs. was kinda relax. l0ls. life's go0d in scho0l n0w. muahahs. oh yah. mr zaidi came back t0day. hehes. its s0 great t0 hear his v0ice again. miss him~ hehes. when he stepped int0 our class, aiai n i g0t a sh0ck. guessed he rec0gnise us fr0m e` piercing incident. l0ls. den he was like. oh. keep lo0king at us, our ears. l0ls. hmm. den he taught us s0mething cute. hhahas. its abt math. but was reali cute. hehes. hmm. den he left. den c0ntinued wif our less0ns and stuff. oh man!!! had math remedial t0day. was damn tiring l0rhs. was like. wanna fall aslp le. hahas. but able t0 understand tis chapter. hehes. lucky me.
aft scho0l` dr0pp by honey's place. without him kn0wing. called him when i reached. and he came d0wn. hahhas. he lo0ked surprised. hahhas. gladd. den we started walking n stuff. ended up at white sands area. den t0 pasir ris beach. l0tsa things happened there. but well. enj0yed. dunn0 if he did. hahas. hugs were warm n tight. could reali feel him. l0ls. den went h0me at 1730 lidat.
h0me` slackk. talked wif mummy. n0t badd. she g0t her pay. and gave me $10. n0 grumbles n0 n0thing. cushh her pay arent high. $800 a m0nth w0rking at the air-c0nditi0ned pr0visi0n st0re at pungg0l plaza. she g0tta gif dad m0ney, jie jies money. br0ther m0ney n me. and of c0s our daily all0wance. yeahs. haiis. tts why d0nt ask much. dun wan t0 to0. heart pain t0 see her w0rk s0 lo0ong. haiis. h0pe time pass fast. things g0 well f0r me. s0 tt i can g0 w0rk. earn lots of m0ney n give mummy. l0ve her l0ads!! kkies. den slackking still. waiting f0r darling t0 wake up fr0m sleep. den call him. den study a bit. den sleep. and g0 out tmll!! hehehs. cant wait. l0ls~
well. things went quite well. n0thing bad happened. go0d thing. well. h0pe darling wud clear his pr0blems out asap. wanna be wif him happily with0ut quarrels n fight till death d0 us part. miss ya baby~ l0ve ya. muacks`
[[ 320 days. love ya. love ya. love ya. till death do us part!! ]]
