e m o r i e s of l o v e* m

Tuesday, August 31, 2004
wad's wif tis guy??!! i'm super damn pissed lorhs. call u to tok. in the end less than 5 mins, i end up hanging the fone before u did. i'm reali pissed. told u nth was wrong u kept asking. u kept asking the same qns, den i told u the same answer. den u ask me go do my work since i not slping for so many times when obviously u noe i wanted to tok to u. since u dun feel like toking to me den say larhs. say u busy or sth can??!?!!? well. i dunno if u dun feel like toking to me or wad. but frm wad i noe, u sounded tt way. or mayb u're just too engrossed in ur show tt u feel tt i'm disturbing u??!! den when i finally say i wan go do my work, u say i attitude. fine larhs fine larhs. all my fault. haiis. damn pissed man. quarrel quarrel quarrel. pple call u wanna tok to u. den end up quarreling in less than 5 minutes. wah ka0s. life reali sucks for me man. PISSED!!

haiis~

now toking so properly, so patiently. wo0s~ 2 diff pple within the few minutes. haiis. forget it larhs. so damn pissed!! i go do my homework now. not gonna slp soon. super damn pissed. hahas. now pple dun wanna tok to me. hahhas. best of the best. didnt expect to haf tis kinda reply. forget it. reali no point le.

b y e ~

[missed you`]
at 8/31/2004 10:49:00 PM

[[ 288 dAys ]]

haiis~ damn shag. just wanna l0ng l0ng sleep n0w!!!

scho0l.
well. earli m0rn left h0me. wenta j0leen's hse. met her, g0t the stuff f0r t0day's celebrati0n den the pathetic 2 of us haf t0 carry it t0 the bridge t0 wait f0r aiai. hmm. reali damn shag l0rhs. slept f0r 3 in h0urs in all. damn shag. well. scho0l was kinda sians until the party g0t started!! wo0~ party party!! n0w den realised its been l0ng since i g0 parties yeahs?? hahas. pajamas party, th0se f0rmal f0rmal party and crapp. its been real l0ng since any0ne br0ught me t0 parties. s0bss. but. well. tis party wasnt as interesting larhs. hahas. but well. at least i get t0 see the "hungry" side of mua classmates and the enthusiasm in them t0 get it all started!! hahas. co0l huhs?? but 2 assh0les reali sp0ilers l0rhs. think they s0 matured l0rhs. cann0t make it. say machiam we all kidd0 l0rhs. den they sp0ilers l0rhs. haiis. cann0t make it. my class reali c0ck up. haiis. well. den when we g0t int0 the hall. wo0~ s0 co0l nehs. but a little to0 exxagerated lia0 l0rhs. g0t red carpet l0rhs. wah lans. super co0l nehs. hahash. tchers day nia. hmm. well. the c0ncert was kinda co0l. the "t-k barat" boiis are reali co0l l0rhs. hahahs. me n aiai reali enj0y ourselves during the perf0rmance of the "t-k barat" boiis lorhs. hahhas. i'm l0ving it~ hehehs.. the band was co0l to0. ooh~ tis celebrati0n is kinda fun larhs. h0pe the tchers are enj0ying themselves t0nite. happy tchers day!!

h0me.
well. guess t0nite i'll d0 nth much bahs. shld be getting myself on bed darn earli. reali cann0t tahan lerr. hahas. haiis. super tirred n0rrhs~ haiis. kkies larhs. g0nna g0 eat lerrr. take care guys. muacks~

i'm l0ving it~ "t-k barat boiis" rawks~ muacks~

[missed you`]
at 8/31/2004 07:29:00 PM

Monday, August 30, 2004
[[ 287 dAys ]]

haiis. sians. jita0 sians.

scho0l.
hmm. jita0 sians. hmm. kkies. did l0tsa crap. was frustrated abt the tchers day party thingy. yupps. they were s0 unc0perative. haiis. stupiid scho0l. haiis. well. aft scho0l wenta c0mpass p0int wif aiai, chrystle, j0leen, j0clyn n jannath. yupps. spent cl0se t0 100 bahs. f0r the celebrati0n. haiis. den wenta j0leen's hse wif aiai den dec0rated the thingy. meeting j0leen 0640 tmll. haiis. s0 darn earli. sians. meeting aiai at 0635 tmll. hahahs. sians. den meeting jannath at 0645 at scho0l. oh shucks. g0nna call jannath n change the timing a little. i cant reach school in 5 mins ya n0e. hurrs~ hmm. well. i'm just h0ping tt things wud g0 perfecctly well tmll~ g0d bless!

h0me.
reach h0me at 2100 bahs. yupps. den played gunb0und aft bathing n eating. den slackked. t0k t0k. den n0w bl0gging l0rhs. hahhas. well. was w0ndering wads happening t0day outside scho0l. all the dua pai ah bengs were outside mua school. waiting f0r other school peeps i guess. hahas. hmm. dunn0 larhs. just felt dumb.. bo0~ kkies. well. sibeii sians. played gunb0und just n0w. killed dearr many times. but all he pang zhan. haiis. i n0e i'm a failure. bo0~ den the m0st pek chek thingy is tt he nearly kill me wif 600+ damaged. haiiyers. damn irritated. haiis. well well well. g0nna g0 larhs. super du lans. go0d nites.

I HATE GUNBOUND 1314!!! bear tt in ur minds~ HATREDS!!!

[missed you`]
at 8/30/2004 11:12:00 PM

Sunday, August 29, 2004
well. its a sickening sunday. hahahs. or shld i say its another sickening sunday. hahas. well. earli midnite oreadi started quarreling wif dearr. den things dragged longer. den like tt lorhs. the whole of the day wasnt in the mood to tok to anyone. was very quiet for the day. its amazing huhs?? hahas. well. played gunbound. managed to win. i guess its just bcos i'm in the evil killing mood. hahahs. hmm. today is sinful for me. muahahs. kkies. quarrels quarrels quarrels. wad is tt man?? crapp. hate quarrels. quarrelled abt many stuffs. was damn pissed alright.. hurrs~ haiis. i was reali in the worst mood ever. haf been pissed since 2am until about 7pm. hahahs. cool huhs?? and well. breaking up did came across my mind. but. nahs. didnt do it. haiis. too soft-hearted. jialat worrs. hahas.

hmm. den wenta dear's hotmail. wo0. g0t 26 contacts in all. 2 guys, 24 females. guys are linkin n fatt. and the other 24 females... hurrs~ dearr bluff me. sobbies. say only got 1 pathetic female fren. but got 22 extras excluding me for msn. haiis. jeslyn all those dun count. oso got abt 15 lorhs. wah lans. haiis. saddening horrs. sobbies. haiis. well. wenta see my mails for him. hahahs. all those sweet sweet de mails lorhs. cushh i read through mua inbox. got his sweet msges. den i'm thinking wad did i send him. den i end up getting his password and went in to his account lorhs. haiis. am i intruding his privacy?? well. some pple might think i am, but some might find it perfectly alright. well well. i myself dunno how to judge tis situation. but well, since he got my passwords for alot of things, den i feel tt its perfectly alright for me to haf his password lorhs. haiis. dunno larhs. i feel badd~

haiis. my mind isnt set as ease yet, though he apologised. i'm still quite unsure of wad i'm thinking at tis moment. perhaps i need time to cool down bahs. i was reali pissed tis time. u shld be able to see tt. break-up did even came across my mind. tis time isnt any joking matters. haiis. well. i'm seriously not sure of wad i'm thinking. wad kinda decision i wanna make. but, i'll be thinking abt it thruout the nite to sort things out clearly. i dun like tis kinda things to happen anymore. haiis. just hope god wud help me a little..

well. created a personal blog. hahas. good for me bahs. well. tts about today bahs. gonna end here den. jie jie wanna use lerr. haiis. take care guys. slp earli. muacks~

haiis.

life's reali tough for me.

wad's happening?

i dunno.

everything tts happening,

reali scare me.

i'm reali afraid.

i'm all at a loss for now...

saddened n disappointed me...

[[ 286 dAys ]]

[missed you`]
at 8/29/2004 10:40:00 PM

[[ 286 dAys ]]

wah la0s. a sickening sunday. i'm sick n tired oreadi. den tis blo0dy bl0gger gif me extra pr0blem. hurrs~

m0rn + aftno0n.
well. slept at ab0ut 6am bahs. quarrelled again. haiis. well. den w0ke up at 9 plus. den sians. haiis. den mo0d has been damn bad since last nite. haiis. played gunb0und. slaccked. wh0le day tried t0 av0id him. didnt wanna t0k t0 him. spent quite al0t of time t0 s0rt out. was reali frustrated and tired. cried thru0ut.
hahhas. eyes pain, head pain. haiis. was reali reali frustrated and i nearly t0ld him i wanna break up. well. h0w t0 say? i was reali tired of all these n0nsense. and starting t0 feel insecure again. tts why i had tt th0t. but in the end. i didnt say. i dunn0 if i'll regret n0t saying it or n0t. but just h0pe things will be better.

niGht.
w0w. dear g0t m0re than one ger-fren l0rhs. 26 peeps in the c0ntacts, but sadly. n0pes. shld be m0re t0 the disapp0inting side. only 2 are guys. fatt n linkin. still tell me u g0t only 1 ger-fren?!?!? hurrs~ bluff me.. why... badd boii. hurrs~ haiis......... yupps. den slackked. did n0thing much. den n0w. dunn0 wad t0 d0. went int0 frenster many many times t0day. usually only g0 there once or twice a day. but.. well. t0day keep g0iing in. reali n0thing t0 d0 l0rhs. jita0 sians sia. hahahs. hmm. was in the w0rst mo0d ever. hmm. den in frenster, g0t new frens request. hahhas. happy w0rrs. my 200 odd list is keep g0ing on.. wo0~ hmm. waiting t0 haf m0re frens only. hhahas. well. just wait. sians. haiis. t0day actuali plan t0 g0 out de. but. haiis. sians. th0ught over l0tsa stuff t0day l0rhs. haiis. reali very headache lerr. haiis. tried contacting gu0qiang. but n0 replies. haiis. saddened. haiis. h0pe he'll reply me l0rhs~ haiis.

well well well. feeling much better n0w. created an0ther pers0nal bl0gger. tts f0r unhappy th0ts. but to0 bad. its private n c0nfidential. only i can n0e. hahahs~ hmm. kkies. d0 rest earli guys. i'm g0nna end here. take care w0rrs. muacks.

haiis.

life's reali not fair for me.

i'm reali sick n tired le.

why is it tt god owaes do tis to me?

i dun understand.

will things get better aft today?

i dunno.

i dun dare to think abt it.

i'm afraid.

saddened n disappointed me~

[missed you`]
at 8/29/2004 08:30:00 PM

Saturday, August 28, 2004
[[ 285 dAys ]]

earli m0rn.
wo0~ earli m0rn wake up d0 h0mew0rk. hahas. hmm. earli m0rn 7am plus wake up msg dearr. hahas. den g0 back dreamland. hahas. hmm. den wake up at 0900 lidat, den d0 w0rk and slackked until ab0ut 1200. den g0t changed den went out lerr.

wif dearr.
met dearr den wenta raffles city den dearr g0t angry wif a particular pers0n. den lidat l0rhs. g0 walk walk ardd. sit sit. drink drink. hugg hugg. a lot larhs. den dearr taught me how to play po0l n i reali enj0y l0rhs. was sucha no0b. hahahs. dearr g0t hit by the cue aft i g0t hit by it. hahahs. i reali haf a very bad c0ntr0l of h0lding the cue. hahas. hmm. aft tt. we wenta lo0k f0r t0ilet. den walk by singap0re river. den esplanade. den dearr sh0wed me wad's the padang, parliament h0use den wenta dunn0 which sh0pping centre. den t0 funan it mall. slackked at macd0nalds. den saw miss lydia lee. yupps. chatted wif her f0r awhile. den went back t0 find dearr. den lidat l0rhs. aft the funan it mall, we wenta f0rt canning park. it was supp0se t0 be r0mantic. but it turned out t0 be m0re tiring instead. haha. den thru0ut the j0urney until we stepped out of f0rt canning, we learn ge0g n a little of hist0ry n science. hahas. buttress ro0ts n stuffs came out. hahas. hmm. den aft f0rt canning, we went h0me lerr.

h0me.
well. t0ked t0 dear. cried silently. reali at a l0ss. but. i guess i'll exchange anything just f0r tt 20 years fr0m t0day. i reali wan dun wanna l0se y0u. d0 y0u n0e tt i reali l0ve y0u al0t?? i reali wud exchange anything just t0 be wif y0u. i dun mind being l0nely. i dun mind giving up th0se freed0m i used t0 haf. i dun mind n0t having guy frens. i reali dun mind. i just wan y0u t0 stay healthy, t0 take go0d care of urself and make sure u haf the ability t0 take care of me f0r the rest of the life. tts h0w l0ng i wanna be wif y0u. d0 y0u n0e tt?? l0ving y0u is just like living my life. with0ut y0u, i cant carry on wif life. tts h0w impt y0u are t0 me. haiis~ i h0pe y0u'll n0e..

well~ i guess i shall end here bahs.. u guys take care.. muacks~

[missed you`]
at 8/28/2004 11:44:00 PM

Friday, August 27, 2004
[[ 294 dAys ]]

scho0l.
hmm. stuppid. was cursing tt i'll get injured or those kinda crapp. but. well. didnt noe god treated me so good. i reali fell down in the morning. damn pissed off l0rhs. hahas. hmm. the left leg wif the wound ish swollen. and mua right calf has blue black. urghs!!! well~ lessons were kinda acceptable. n0thing difficult. just cant wait f0r the time to pass faster. everything was fine. aft scho0l. dear came t0 fetch me. he to0k leave f0r t0day just t0 pick me up fr0m scho0l. hahs. den t0k t0k, hug hug den abt 1340 den i went h0me.

h0me.
wenta eat, bathe, help dad wif a little thing den went off. made dearr wait f0r quite s0me time. feeling a little badd. hahas. den aft tt, i went off t0 meet dearr at 1440 bahs.. haiis. i'm LATE!!

out.
went out. slackked. just spend some quiet time wif dearr. tok abt lotsa stuff. i'm glad i managed to cheer him up. i'm reali gladd. hahas. spending time wif him reali felt go0d. hahahs. den slackked. den saw one china bear-ish, and lion-ish d0g at pasir ris beach. cutie man.. hhahas. did l0tsa things tt cheer us up. quite normal stuff. but just felt go0d wif one another's companionship. yupps. saw yibia0 sm0king wif another fren at tampines int. haiis. he's s0 tall. hurrs~ yupps. den like tt l0rhs. n0thing much happened. i just n0e tt we enj0yed each other's c0mpani0nship~

we.. happy happy. hahahs. feeling s0 s0 happy. just glad tt things are better n0w. cant wait f0r tmll t0 arrive. g0nna g0 out wif mua darling again.. hahas. well. sleep earli guys. g0nna g0. miss ya l0ts.. muacks~

dearr. thanks for today. u cheered me up too. love you 1314. muacks~

[missed you`]
at 8/27/2004 11:22:00 PM

Thursday, August 26, 2004
well, well, well. wad's g0ing thru my head n0w?? oh g0d. n0 one kn0ws except f0r g0d. yeahs. haiis. dunn0 wad's wif me. dunn0 wad's wif him. i seri0usly dun haf the mo0d f0r all th0se quarrels n stuff. s0. well. since he ch0se t0 hang up. den by all means. patience~ wad a big w0rd t0 understand. i dun understand it. i dun haf it. or has everything met my limitati0ns?? hmm. i dunn0. the previ0us bl0g i wr0te "i haf to let go of the past. i dun haf to. but i need to. right?" hahas. well. n0w i reali f0und out tt. i reali cant let g0 of the past. i'm tt s0rt of pple. blame g0d f0r letting me t0 haf such "go0d" mem0ry. but well. rest assure i w0nt rake up the past anym0re. i w0nt let all th0se craps affect our relati0nship, my future anym0re. wad i've kn0wn reali sucks. if only i haben been s0 curi0us ehs?? hahas. well. cant blamed. i'm just like tis. haiis. hahas. well. t0ked t0 dearr just n0w. was being asked by l0tsa l0tsa questi0ns. n0t in the mo0d t0 answer. just answered wif "n0, i dunn0. alright larhs. see first." and all th0se crappy stuff f0r him. haiis. well. he's owaes making feeling damn guilty. ending wif he t0t i cud c0mf0rt him. but well. i'm in sucha mo0d. yeahs. tt makes me feel like i'm a t0tal failure n0t in life, but in l0ve. n0w. i reali find out tt i'm n0t suitable t0 be in a relati0nship. everytime we quarrel. aft s0me l0ng thinking, i f0und out tt i've been making the same mistakes over n over again. i'm c0nstantly having the mo0d swings and attitude. but. well. there's n0 reas0n bhind all this. i just n0e tt i'm like tis. i owaes blief tt if one cud n0t accept the way i am, den scram off. dun ever try telling me off and crapp. i am wh0 i am. i make wh0 i am. s0. well. if u dun like wadever i'm d0ing. s0rry. to0 bad. and tis, i'm telling t0 all my frens. haiis. f0rget it. i n0e at times i myself haf t0 change f0r others. but n0t all the time. isnt it?? dun think i'll change once f0r ur sake n i'll change twice. even if i were t0 change twice f0r ur sake. dun expect me t0 change f0r m0re than 3 times just f0r u! dun be selfish. i need t0 be care by my frens, my l0ve ones t0o. i cant be the one sh0wing care owaes. i'm just like any other machines. i needa rest. if n0t, i'll wear out. but all the rust are just gr0wing on me. i'm getting m0re and m0re rusty by each passing day. if n0 one were t0 d0 anything abt it. den i think i'm g0nna die off just one day. haiis. dunn0 larhs. all pple fucked up. my frens are like tis. my family members are like tis. l o n e l y ~

sorry i didnt managed to do anything to cheer u up and stuff. sorry for not being the one who cud cheer u up when u're down. sorry for showing u the fucking attitude when u were depressed. sorry for being sucha gerfren. wad kinda gerfren i'm refering to, i guessed u noe. i dun haf to go into such details. i'm just so very sorry. c 0 l d. h a r s h. h e c k-c a r e. which of these attitudes haf i shown? i guessed i showed all. when u feel tt ur life is no longer worth living, when u feel tt ur life has no more meaning in it. i ever once told u tt u shldnt feel tt way. bcos u've got me. and when u've got me, i'm sure tt everything's fine. but. well. sorry. i didnt do wad i've said. i failed to do so. sorry. i noe i'm a great failure in love. i noe tt very clearly. but well. wad do u expect. i'm tirred of all those "not trusting u" part. i dun get a boifren just to haf him not to trust me. i'm tirred when u guys vent anger on us, or shld i say. accidentally treat us so badly?? haiis. forget it man. forget it. i'm too shag to think anymore. my brain cells are dying. or perhaps even dying out. hhahas. my life is nv go0d. i'm owaes the one suffering. wad is g0d trying to play tis time round? haiis. wad's wif everybody?? or. shld i say. wad's wif me?? why cant i change to adapt to how others are? one person makes the changes is owaes better than a big group making changes just for tt one person. but. if the one person definitely worth for the world to change for him/her, den we'll just have to gif in. isnt it?? so am i the one gonna change for the world, or shld i sit and wait for the world to change for me?? tis is a question i must ask myself thoroughly. its impt. reading the book by dave pelzer, "help yourself" reali allows me to learn many new stuff. 'one shld let go of the past. nv hold on to the past. it's owaes heart-breaking. f0rget abt it.' but well, well, well. i dunno. i cant let go. i just cant. perhaps, the doubts n stuff are still not cleared. i dunno. i reali dunno. i've to think over it real hard.

haiis. sians. g0nna r0t or sth lidat. i'm sad. just feel like crying. but to0 bad. my hse is a restricted area f0r crying n weeping. hahas. haiis. sadden. f0rget it. g0nna end tis wif tis s0ng i'm currently ho0ked on. it's a impt s0ng to me...

***m2m - the day you went away.
Well I wonder, Could it be?
When I was dreaming 'bout you baby
You were dreaming of me
Call me crazy, Call me blind,
To still be suffering is stupid after all of this time

Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do, I do
You know I really really do

Well hey...
so much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me theres only you
Been lonely since the day,
The day you went away.
Go On, Yay... Oh...

I remember - date and time
September 22nd Sunday twenty-five after nine
In the doorway
With your case
No longer shouting at each other
There were tears on our faces
And we were letting go of something special
Something we'll never have again, I know
I guess I really really know

Well hey,
so much i need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true,
for me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
(The Day you went away)
The Day you went away
Go on, Yay...

Oh oh oh
Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do, I do
You know i really really do
Well hey,
so much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true, for me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away

Why do we never know what we've got till it's gone
How could I carry on
The day you went away
Cause I've been missing you so much I have to say
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
The day you went away
The Day you went away...
Go on, Yay... Oh...]]

go0d nite guys. muacks~

if i could cry..

i would have fallen as a rain.

i'm serious.

i've got so much deep inside me.

sobbies.

[missed you`]
at 8/26/2004 10:14:00 PM

[[ 289 dAys ]]

scho0l.
haiis. sians lorhs. haiis. well. scho0l. n0thing much happened t0day. hmm. had standardized test t0day. a little hard. but well. managed to pass i guess. hahas. haiis. other than tt. scho0l was b0rred. aft scho0l was a little fun. aiai n me insane.. laughed like crazy. laughed, sing in different different tones and crap. hahas. den i went t0 pasir ris. den t0 t0wn~

t0wn.
went up t0 uAn. well. finally a member. hahas. hmm. g0nna take my p0rtf0li0 s0on. hahas. need one f0rmal wear n one casual wear. sians. hahas.. anws. courses g0nna start officially next week. my schedule will be damn packed. haiis. sians sia. t0ked f0r quite s0me time bef0re me and jes left. den went back t0 pasir ris f0r jes. and me back t0 pungg0l. actuali wanna meet dearr. but. well. he was rather pissed wif me. s0 to0. badd. went h0me~

h0me.
b0rred. nth t0 d0. dunn0 wad i'll be d0ing. guess i'll just be slackking. yupps. g0nna g0 den. i'm mo0dless. haiis. take care guys. muacks~

i reali dunno wad's up wif my life.

i need an answer to it.

perhaps i'm just too tired wif my tests.

needa break frm school, frm everything.

haiis.

wad am i thinking?

i dunno. i dun wanna think.

i haf to let go of the past.

i dun haf to.

but i need to~ right??

[missed you`]
at 8/26/2004 08:39:00 PM

Wednesday, August 25, 2004
[[ 282 dAys ]]

scho0l.
b 0 r r e d. hahas. there's n0 other ways i cud describe mua scho0l. hahhas. kkies. did n0thing much. t0day was just an0ther relaxed day. wif only one test. hahas. literature class test. the better mark will be used in the pr0gress card. yupps. hmm. i guess my standardized test mark wud be used. ya n0e why?? hahas. g0t 7 questi0ns. i only managed t0 d0 5. cushh n0t enuff time. 20 minutes nia. tcher kiam siap. hahas. 25 marks test oreadi minus 7 marks. wif tt, i'll be left wif only 18 marks. sl0wly deduct fr0m there. if i were t0 get full 18 marks den go0d larhs. if n0t. sadd l0rhs. stick t0 mua 16/25 marks. s0bbies. other than tt. every 0ther less0n were n0rmal. hahas. hmm. m0ther t0ngue was lame. tcher teach wad, i dun b0ther. i only d0 mua j0urnal. fnsh le. n0w left t0 revise science l0rhs. hahas. den during m0ther t0ngue class, i fell aslp while writing mua j0urnal. nich0las s0 sickening l0rhs. to0k a picture of me when i was s0und aslp. sad l0rhs. lucky its n0t ugly. hahas. lame. den my gr0up peeps were like s0 happy l0rhs. keep saying nich0las try al0t of p0siti0ns t0 take my picture. hahas. den aft m0ther t0ngue. went 0ut t0 ec0n t0 buy strawberry ch0c0late. den c0me back sch0ol. g0 up t0 lvl 3 f0r oral test. sians. i stuttered when reading the blo0dy passage. but well. i was c0ntented wif the way i answered the other 2 questi0ns asked. i was asked wad d0 i think of f0nes being st0len and h0w's the envir0nment ardd mua hse. i answer quite al0t. she seemed pleased. tt sickening tcher. hahs. aft tt. i sat at staircase wait f0r aiai. den went off ler.

h0me.
well. b0rred as well. did n0thing l0rhs. came h0me. slackked. den played gunb0und wif jeslyn and s0me other unkn0wn peeps. den when i playing the last game, dearr was in gunb0und as well. hahas. guessed guys reali l0ve c0mputer games.. c0me h0me only, first thing g0 t0 c0mp. hahas. haiis. sians l0rhs. i play it just t0 kill time. was reali b0rred. i had n0 ch0ice but t0 play gunb0und. i didnt enj0y the games played. hahas. but. well~ there's n0thing f0r me t0 d0 on frenster or on msn. there's n0thing much i cud d0. i cant g0 int0 mIRC. if i cud, i l0ng ag0 stick wif it l0rhs. hahahs. well. i'm terrible. den n0 one t0 t0k t0 on f0ne os0. frenster os0 sians lia0s. tried d0ing h0mew0rk. but. n0 n0. wasnt the right time. listen t0 s0ng till b0red. hahs. wad else cud i d0?? haiis~ f0rget it larhs. i g0 revise science lerr.. hahas. den t0nite can watch tv.. hahhas. dun needa fall aslp wif my w0rk inc0mplete. hahas. well. just n0w called j0leen. and planned abt the class bbq. still unsure. but h0pe t0 haf it. hahas. hmm. well den. g0nna g0 lerr. i'm freezing c0ld. my hands are like.. freezed?? hahas. kkies. take care guys. muacks. study hard yeahs?? l0ve u guys!! tatas!!

wad's wif my life??

i dunn0.

b0rred.

s i a n s a t i 0 n s ~

[missed you`]
at 8/25/2004 07:00:00 PM

Tuesday, August 24, 2004
[[ 281 dAys ]]

wo0~ last nite didnt bl0gged. hahas. dunn0 wad's my pr0blem os0. hahas. well. lemme recap on wad has happened ytdd.

23`08`04.
err~ scho0l was b0rred. l0tsa w0rk t0 d0. was slackking yeahs? n0 mo0d t0 listen t0 any crap lectures. tchers t0ked n0n-st0p, i just haf t0 act as if i'm in class. hahas. kkies. b0rred day yeas? tirring as well. l0ads of w0rk t0 d0. STRESS!!
g0t h0me kinda earli. slackked. den t0k t0k on f0ne. uAn peeps called me. ask me if i'm interested in any c0urse or n0t. den mich was saying tt she think i shld g0 f0r dance and m0delling. s0 well. c0nfirm f0r m0delling oreadi. a 3 m0nths c0urse. 12 less0ns over the 3 m0nths. yupps. den t0ked t0 dear. and s0 l0rhs. den abt 2300 plus den i g0 d0 mua m0ther t0ngue h0mew0rk. d0 till fall aslp nehs. hahas. earli m0rn w0rk up wif mua w0rk inc0mplete. grins**

haiis. feeling damn weird. the feeling just wasnt right. haf been thinking since sunday nite aft i reached home. how cud i actuali got jealous of.. ya noe?? haiis. wadever crap is tt. i just find it not my style. its difinitely not me. but~ well. thr truth is oreadi place right infr0nt of me. i'm jealous!! oh. wad crapp man.. haiis. f0rget it. just f0rget it. i dun wanna think anym0re. haiis~

24`08`04.
*scho0l.
b0rred. hahas. wasnt reali in the mo0d t0day. but just n0e tt i just had a smile on mua face. hahas. had ge0g test. tts sickening. i'm sick n tired of tests. every n0w and then test tis test tt. wth!! its like. oh g0sh. wad are we treated as?? s0me c0mputers or sth?? best part. tchers gif h0mew0rk like free. they one sh0t gif s0 much h0mew0rk. h0w they expect us t0 c0mplete within a sh0rt time? crapp man. dumb scho0l. hurrs~ hmm. t0day pe damn lucky. hahas. g0tta n0e my 2.4km run timing. phews!! i nearly fail sia. 13f timing is 18:45. mua timing 18:15. ahhas. lucky nehs. hahas. den g0t l0ts needa re-take. s0 pe was just simply slackking l0rhs. sat d0wn at a c0rner wif aiai. t0k n crap. l0ok at 1g peeps badmint0n-ing, jiaha0 and gang v0lleyball-ing n 1h peeps basketball-ing. den g0ing back tt time saw farliana-jie. s0 po0r thing. al0ne w0rrs. po0r thing. haiis. den t0k t0k awhile den i went off ler.. hahaas. den aft scho0l, met grace at l0cker den g0 pasir ris l0rhs.

*h0me.
b0rred l0rhs. fnshed mua w0rk at mac. hahas. ate mua lunch. all th0se crapp. den met dearr f0r awhile l0rhs. den he sent me n grace t0 bus st0p den we went h0me. c0me h0me r0t until n0w. neber eat dinner. mummy sc0ld. hahas. heck larhs. i fat lerr. shld st0p eating le. hhas. haiis. s0 sians sia. n0 one t0 t0k t0k wif. dear in guild war. haiis. gun b0und. wad's s0 great ab0ut gun b0und? i've g0t n0 idea. hahas. haiis. heck larhs heck larhs~ os0 n0 mo0d t0 b0ther abt gun b0und lerr. stupiid thing. stupiid game. i'll neber like the game de. i pr0mise!! HURRS~ irritated**

haiiyers. dunn0 wad t0 d0 lehs. frenster os0 nth t0 d0 lehs. msn s0 damn quiet. n0thing t0 d0 de. haiis. i g0 fnsh up mua newspaper article den g0 orh orh le bahs. or g0 watch vcds. hahas. sians sia. thinking of wadd t0 d0. siansati0ns. muahahs. haiis. sians sians sians. feeling much much relieved n0w actuali. hahas. hmm. all the tests are over. except f0r science. tis week's standardized test. next week math. on algebra. guess i'm g0nna flung it real badly. haiis. math sucks ehs?? hahas. sians 1/2. life's sians. must find sth t0 occupy myself.

hmm. t0day uAn peep call me again. haiis. they were saying tt the c0urse will officially start next wednesday. yo0 h0o~ next wednesday ish a h0liday. hhahas. tchers day break~ muahhas.. co0l. i'm s0 happy when there're breaks. relaxed.. muahahs. crapp. hmm.. g0nna turn up f0r it. a l o n e. yupps. m0st pr0b ish g0ing there al0ne bahs.. sadd h0rrs? hahs. f0rget it. ownself g0 walk walk os0 go0d. hahas. i'm crazy. cant blame. dearr's w0rk ends at 1700. reach pasir ris abt 1800+. den he g0 h0me change n everything os0 abt 1900 le l0rhs. den i needa be at there by 2000 nehs. haiis. sadd. g0nna be al0ne. muahahs. well. time n0t c0nfirmed yet actuali. its either a 1900 t0 2000hrs c0urse. or 2000 to 21000hrs c0urse. sadden. hahas. latee~ yupps. m0re details will only be given s0me time cl0se t0 the date bahs~

siansati0ns. hahas. well well well. sians sia. g0nna g0 off den. hahas. g0 relax relax.. take care guys. sleep earli yeahs? muacks~

[missed you`]
at 8/24/2004 08:28:00 PM

Sunday, August 22, 2004
urghs~ its an0ther bo0oring sunday. hahas. kkies. earli m0rn, w0ke up at abt 10am bahs. cant be exact. was having a bad headach. hahas. w0ke up. my anime fnsh ler. n0 sh0w t0 watch. s0 relac all the way till 1100 bahs. den start d0ing mua h0mew0rk. fnshed math exercises, reading rites n science prac bo0k. left wif chinese c0mp0, science w0rksheet n 4 j0urnals. hahas. kkies. i just started d0ing one of the 4 which i f0und it quite nice t0 write abt. its on "haf you ever judge anyone by his or her appearance?" yupps. hahhas. interesting t0pic huhs? hahas. kkies. well. back t0 the m0rning. aft d0ing w0rk. wenta haf lunch. had prawns, fish, h0td0gs n veggie. nice nice~ den aft eating, slackked awhile. g0t changed and everything. den i t0k on the f0ne wif dear n grace at 2 different time larhs. aft t0king and at ab0ut 3 i went out t0 take bus at the opp bus st0p t0 c0mpass p0int. met mel, cia n grace. the 3 of the 10`c. hahas. kkies. aft tt. wenta to0k bus 27 d0wn t0 tampines. mel wanted t0 buy bermudas. but cant find. s0 well. wenta slack ardd. wenta to0k ne0s, play para n crap. den went t0 pasir ris at 1900 lidat t0 meet dearr. was walking al0ne at t0wn park. i to0k a walk frm int t0 k0pitiam. the sky c0l0r i find it nice. a little dark n a little bright. hahas. but didnt had the mo0d t0 t0k. meet dear. sat d0wn at k0pitiam f0r awhile den i went off ler. went h0me. slackked at s0me place at mua hse area den g0 h0me. haiis. dear cant st0p thr0wing up. reali w0rried if he's okies n0t. haiis. yupps. den g0t h0me at 2130 bahs. den until n0w, i've been slackking l0rhs. ahahs. well. tts abt it l0rhs. b0o0ring rites?? hahas.

hahas. well. there's n0thing much f0r me t0 d0 lehs. sians. mayb g0ing slp in awhile. tirred lerr. head hurts al0t. dunn0 why. hahas. yupps. u guys sleep earli. slp tite. miss ya. muacks. huggies~

dearr, i'm sorry. i acted a little rashly today. but didnt mean to do tt. i actuali didnt want to bother. but thruout the whole bus journey back home, i thought over for a long time and i cant stop myself from getting jealous, pissed and all those crap. i reali didnt wan to bother at first. but i guess u're just too special in my heart tts why i cudnt bring myself of not bothering abt u. i'm sorry. no matter wad, i just wan to let u noe tt i'll owaes care for u de. dun worry. even if there're times when i say i no longer wanna bother, i'll still bother abt u in my heart. u reali means alot to me. i cant bear to lose u, u noe? i'm sorry. i'll owaes love u de. no worries kkies? love u, miss you always. 1314 de. muacks~

[missed you`]
at 8/22/2004 11:56:00 PM

[[ 279 dAys ]]

wo0~ s0 late den bl0g.. hahas. well. cushh i just g0t h0me nehs... muahahs.. well~ lemme start frm friday nites~

20`08`04.
hehes. well. things didnt went quite well. t0k t0 dear like wanna quarrel lidat. s0 on f0ne. but didnt t0k much. den at abt 2345 asked him g0 d0wn eat cushh he haben eat dinner. den he settle things first den ask me t0 call back 10 mins later. den i call back. den he g0t things t0 settle wif his mummy. den i wait f0r 10 mins t0 past den call him back. but while waiting. i fell aslp. reali damn shag sia. its been like 3 - 4 days i slept aft 0200 l0rhs. yupps. den fell aslp on papa n mama's bed. den they c0me in, wake me up. den ask me g0 back mua r0om slp. i g0t on bed only jita0 orh orh lia0s. hahas. neber msg dear or anything. i to0 headache t0 think lerr. s0 just g0 orh orh. yupps. den heard daddy ask me t0 take mua f0ne back frm mummy. but. dunn0 seri0us or fake. cushh i think i cant think pr0perly. i reali to0 slpy lerr. yupps. den slp until m0rning l0rhs~

21`08`04.
m0rning wake up. see time only jita0 sians. 10 plus lerr. haiis. scared n0 time t0 prepare t0 d0 s0me w0rk bef0re i g0 out l0rhs. but well~ i wake up only g0 wash up. den started d0ing math. den left review questi0n 8 dunn0 h0w t0 d0. den did science w0rkbo0k os0. den i packed my h0mew0rk all t0gether. den eat breakfast. den g0 bathe. den start t0 dress up lerr. kept changing cl0thes n asking mummy which one lo0k nicer. hahas. mummy g0t a little fed up nehs. hahas. den went out at abt 1245 l0rhs. met dear at int. was late. s0 paiseh. hahas. den went up t0 white sands f0odc0urt wanna eat. cushh dear hungry. den n0 place t0 sit. s0 wenta tampines. wenta fo0d juncti0n at century sq eat. dear s0 happy w0rrs. hahas. aft eating. wenta walk walk ardd. check m0vie time sl0t. den walked out of century sq. g0 outside relax awhile. while walking out, saw dear's daddy. hmm.. reali lo0k like linkin's papa w0rrs. hahas. well. was very sh0ck t0 see him. dunn0 if i've left a go0d impressi0n. hahas. kkies. den t0k t0k awhile, den g0 off ler. den suddenly dear's daddy call again. ask dear g0 find him outside isetan. cushh wan gif dearr m0ney. hahas. dear happy w0rrs. hahas. kies~ aft tt. g0 walk ardd. slackked and crap. den wenta marina sq aft tt. on the train was c0mfy. hug hug each other. hahas. den reach ler. walk t0 marina sq lerr. wenta check the time sl0t. den called fatt. cushh fatt os0 wan watch aliens vs predat0rs. den he wan watch t0gether. den he made al0t of changes. yarhs. den wenta starbucks. treat darling drink. had m0cha wif whipped cream n dearr had just m0cha l0rhs. den t0k t0k. an h0ur just past like tis. hahas. den went back t0 tampines aft abt 2 h0urs at ms. den reach tampines ler. fatt haben reach. dear was pissed. den me n dear b0ught tickets n wenta watch first. well~ the sh0w was n0t to0 bad larhs. just to0 vi0lent f0r me. hahs. i hate killings n s0. n i hate t0 see creatures like aliens n predat0rs. hahas.. s0. i didnt reali like the sh0w. but well. i cud say tt it wasnt to0 bad. aft watching. walked ardd. t0k t0k. den called deshun. ask if wanna meet. den went d0wn t0 d0wnt0wn east. aft playing one r0und of time crisis II den dear send me h0me. i slept thruout the wh0le bus j0urney. was reali shag. reach h0me ler. slackked awhile, t0k t0k den went h0me. was abt 2350 by then. yupps. came h0me. i oreadi expected mummy t0 say tis, "ask u to come home early, instead u come home later.". yupps. indeed. she said tt and went back t0 her ro0m. hahas. aft tt. msged dearr. wenta bathe. c0me out. bl0gged. hahas. well~ dunn0 wad i'll be d0ing later. hair n0t yet dry. cant slp. mummy will sc0ld de. perhaps just g0 read emails. g0 in frenster. see bl0gs. slackeed. mayb. mayb d0 abit w0rk. den g0 orh orh. hahahs. yupps. tmll might be g0ing out wif mel`c. she ji0 me out. but me dunn0 yet. must fnsh h0mew0rk den see de. haiis~ well. tts abt it bahs~

wrAp`uP.
well~ enj0yed myself s0 much. reali. i simply just l0ve spending time wif dearr. be it g0ing t0 s0mewhere farr which we seld0m g0 or just s0me places we owaes g0 due t0 distance. i still enj0y g0ing out wif him. spending time wif the one u l0ve reali feels go0d. reali. t0 n0e tt u're l0ved by the one u l0ve reali can put a smile on ur face even if u're in the w0rst of w0rst mo0d u can ever be in. yupps. s0. yarhs~ i'm reali happy. well~ wad i wud say is tt. [[all of us shld reali treasure the time spend wif ya l0ves. u'll never n0e when and wad will happen. treasure well. make sure u guys haf m0re happy times den sad ones. must reali enj0y urself when ya wif him/her. in sucha big w0rld, its difficult f0r 2 pple t0 meet up and fall in l0ve. since u oreadi had the chance t0 meet him/her, make sure u treasure every m0ment spend t0gether as every m0ment spent is treasure. t0 l0ve s0meone ish never difficult. but t0 be l0ved s0 deeply by the one u c0me acr0ss of s0 many other pple is difficult. treasure well. gif and take. d0 be understanding. and think of all kinda p0ssibilities bef0re u start any quarrels or fights. f0r y0u might regret y0ur act aft the quarrel. and m0st imptly, haf trust in urself, ur partner n your relati0nship. never d0ubt ur other half. f0r it reali can hurt one t0 the extreme.]] tis is all tt i've learnt frm my relati0nship f0r the past 9 m0nths 4 days. wad we all wan is just happiness. why n0t gif in a little m0re t0 get wadever u wan rather than t0 be petty n haf all kinda quarrels wif the one you l0ve. n0 one l0ves t0 see their l0ve ones cry.

well~ tts all f0r t0nite bahs. g0nna g0 orh orh lerr. pr0mised mua ba0beii i'll sleep earli de.. and he's oreadi on bed.. s0 i shld get g0ing. take care guys. will update again de. mishh ya. muackies~

ba0beii, ur baby misses u oreadi. just wanna let u noe. i'll treasure every m0ment spend wif u frm now on. i reali hope there wun haf any more quarrel btween us le. i reali love u nehs. must take care of urself okies?? 2 years arent long. will wait for 130606 to come de. i will de. no doubts no regrets. i promise. i love you. i miss you. i'm yours frm now till the day we die. muacks~

[missed you`]
at 8/22/2004 12:27:00 AM

Friday, August 20, 2004
[[ 277 dAys ]]

scho0l.
haiiyers~ b 0 r r e d. scho0l's sians. yupps. had interview wif mr harris. n0t bad. hahas. yupps. den haiis. mua class guys reali c0ck up sia. fight fight fight. haiis. den cry. cry babies. wanna fight still cry. cann0t make it sia. yupps. den aft scho0l. wenta find kumar. t0k t0 her abt math. den she started c0mplaining abt aiai. haiis. say wad aiai made her w0rry like crazy. everytime heck care attitude.. hahas. she even asked me t0 t0k s0me sense int0 cristal. hahas. well~ only dumbass will tryta t0k sense int0 her. she'll listen first den say. hahas. den she os0 c0mplained abt the class b0iis. hahas. well. reali dumb peeps. aft tt. grace g0 mua hse wif me l0rhs. n0thing happened much. s0fia sh0uld be suspended f0r a week bahs. yupps. kelly's mum made a p0lice rep0rt. s0fia's big m0uth g0t her int0 all these deep shit. haiis. den sho0ters managed t0 get away. hahas. yupps. den farliana jie say if i dun wanna pang sua s0fia's matter den she help me. hahas. well. i w0nt play to0 much. things sh0uld be ending here bahs. yupps. s0 g0nna tell jie i wanna pang sua. hahas. well. tts all. haiis. only n0e tt there's t0ns n l0ads of h0mew0rk waiting f0r me. s0bbies~

h0me.
slacked. bathe. went out.

out.
wenta t0wn. went up t0 the c0mpany. well~ agreed. hhahas. met new pple. nice pple. hahas. aft the c0mpany. wenta heeren. outside heeren saw qianru n alicia. z0diac ladies netw0rks de pple. at first alicia didnt n0e tt i was a member of zln le. s0 she appr0ached. den ask if i'm keen t0 j0in. den she started giving me c0mpliments. oo0h~ i feel s0 happy nehs. hahas. bHb.. den yupps. aft she've kn0wn i'm oreadi a member. she hit on grace. yupps. she say we b0th lo0k alike. haha. well. i dunn0. kkies. aft tt. wenta heeren. b0ught sh0es. platf0rms actuali. yupps. den sl0wly walk. den walk out of heeren. saw alicia n qianru again. den tok tok awhile. den went d0wn t0 cine. at there. t0ok pictures l0rhs. yupps. nice nice w0rrs. hahas. i'm l0ving it~ aft tt. slackked. den went t0 far east. b0ught off sh0ulder de white t0p. ahhas. nice nice~ den aft tt. went d0wn t0 c0mpass p0int. saw gen`c, tine`c, j0leen. t0k t0k. den walked r0unds. den wenta 260 bball c0urt find mel`c. mua scho0l 2 different bball teams having match. yupps. stayed there and acc0mpany mel`c f0r awhile den went off ler. den came h0me l0rhs. yupps.

s0 b0rred. hahas. well. b0ught s0mething cute f0r darling. hhas. s0 happy. den b0ught muaself platf0rm n t0p. hahas. feeling great. i'm l0ving it!!!

well. g0nna g0 ler den. wanna g0 d0 h0mew0rk lerr.. o0h~ go0d nite guys. take care w0rs. miss ya~ muackies~

` aer0smith - i d0nt wanna miss a thing*
i could stay awake.
just to hear you breathing.
watch you smile.
while you are slping.
while you're far away.
and dreaming.
i could spend my life.
in tis sweet surrender.
i could stay lost.
in tis moment forever.
when every moment i spend wif you.
is a moment of treasure.

dont wanna close my eyes.
i dont wanna fall aslp.
cause i miss you babe.
and i dont wanna miss a thing.
cause even when i dream of you.
the sweetest dream will never do.
i still miss you baby.
and i dont wanna miss a thing.

lying close to you.
feeling your heart beating.
and i'm wondering wad you are dreaming.
wondering if it's me you're seeing.
then i kiss your eyes.
and thank god we're together.
i just wanna stay wif you.
in tis moment forever.
forever and ever.

i dont wanna close my eyes.
i dont wanna fall aslp.
cause i miss you babe.
and i dont wanna miss a thing.
cause even when i dream of you.
the sweetest dream will never do.
i still miss you baby.
and i dont wanna miss a thing.

i dont wanna miss one smile.
i dont wanna miss one kiss.
i just wanna be wif you.
right here wif you just like tis.

i just wanna hold you close.
and feel your heart so close to mine.
and just stay here in tis moment.
for all the rest of time.

dont wanna close my eyes.
i dont wanna fall aslp.
cause i miss you babe.
and i dont wanna miss a thing.
cause even when i dream of you.
the sweetest dream will never do.
i still miss you baby.
and i dont wanna miss a thing.

e n d ~

[missed you`]
at 8/20/2004 08:55:00 PM

Thursday, August 19, 2004
scho0l.
b 0 r r e d. hahhas. hmm. slept earli m0rn t0day. at abt 2 plus. yupps. w0ke up at 5.45am. g0t ready and everything. left mua hse at 6.40am. din feel like slping in any of the less0n sia. i'm great. l0lss. den during s.t., i jita0 sians. start t0 feel slpy lerr. den d0 abit, wanna 0rh orh. den left a qns blank. hahas. den slept all the way. hahas. tcher c0llect paper den i w0ke up. she tap tap me i didnt wake up. until she pull my paper off den i felt it den wake up.. hhaas. vivian chin os0 same same. hahas. vivians are alike ehs? hahas.. den next wednesday g0t oral test. sians sia. 3pm start. i abt 3.30 den can g0 bahs. i sec0nd one mahs. hahas. haiis. den math less0n t0ked abt the scho0l's open hse.

scho0l's open hse's on the 4th of sept. sians. its a saturday. and tcher bo0k me f0r shift 3. tts like 1445 t0 1800 lehs. lans. lidat i dun needa g0 out le l0rhs. crap. can g0 out ish can l0rhs. unless i t0n again. sians. but i dun wan s0 fast t0n lehs. m0reover the wh0le aftn is taken up. den cann0t spend much time os0. haiis!! but the next saturday if i wanna t0n ish the saturday bef0re sch0ol re0pens lehs.. sians sia.. must think pr0perly lerr. den 5th sept dearr bringing me t0 z0uk. haiis~ crapp. my sept h0ls like very packed l0rhs. the wh0le week, 2 days are taken up by aiai. g0nna g0 excercise wif her on one of the day. the 0ther day ish t0 g0 walk walk and take ne0s. cushh up till n0w, all the ne0s taken wif her ish in scho0l unif0rm.. hahas.. crap h0rs? yupp. den wednesday ish bo0ked by my primary scho0l classmates. the malays. hahas. well. we're go0d frens. cant blame. they are wad i call true frens. =) yupp. den lidat l0rhs. den one of the day meeting up wif jessica frm hsc. mua seni0r in lps. den i'm calling nat n jan out one day os0. hahas. take ne0s!! hahs. miss 'em like crazy yarhs?? miss nat's laughter n crap c0mments she owaes gif me. miss jan's laughter n her gh0stly lo0k. but guess she've changed a little bahs. she might get darker oreadi.. hahas. play v0lleyball mahs.. hahas.. den calling jes out on one other day os0. lidat oreadi 5 days occupied. reali busy lehs. hahas. well. tts an0ther 2 t0 3 weeks thing. s0 lemme put tt aside first. c0ncentrate on impt stuff first yahs~ hahas.

haiis~ s0 sians. haiis. t0king t0 dear on f0ne n0w [[2108]]. haiis~ t0ked t0 dear abt ainsly. well~ ants n ning br0ke up le. yupps. den he's bdae. t0k t0k t0 him online l0rhs. yupps. t0k awhile nia. hahas. haiis. den dearr t0k abt natasha again. haiis~ dun understand one thing he said. he said if he were me, he w0nt b0ther abt natasha's matter cushh she isnt impt at all. but. well well well~ i wanna say n0 m0re. fuck man. haiis~ mo0d changed again. hahas. haiis~ well. f0rget it. i've g0t nth t0 say. just g0nna act as if i hear n0thing~

haiis~ sians. g0nna g0 d0wn u.a.n tmll. yupp. but i've yet t0 get my passp0rt sized ph0t0 yet. haiis~ dunn0 larhs. g0 meet michelle first den see h0w l0rhs. yupps.

well~ g0nna g0 off ler. n0 mo0d t0 bl0g os0. rather mo0dy n0w. hahas. haiis. g0nna start thinking again. muahahs. bubbuais~ sleep earli w0rrs. muacks~

[missed you`]
at 8/19/2004 08:31:00 PM

[[ 276 dAys ]]

hApPy 16tH birtHdAy aiNsLy~

yups. damn b0rred. hahas. my family's asleep. except for me. my da jie's not home yet. so borred. haiis. well. i cant get to sleep. dunno why. hahas. wad can i do? i'm thinking. hahas. no one to tok on the fone wif. no one to chat wif me online. linkin's online. but i've got nothing to tell him or to tok to him abt. super borred. hahas. haiis. wondering if dear's asleep now. hope he is. well. gonna go den. go see wad i can do. perhaps i'll just start revisng my work bahs. hahas. take care guys. sleep earli. sleep tite. muacks~

t a t a s ~

[missed you`]
at 8/19/2004 01:48:00 AM

Wednesday, August 18, 2004
hApPy 9 m0nthS anNiverSarY deAr~

i'll owaes love u de. i miss u lots. must take care of urself okies? muacks~

i love u frm me t0 u..

m u a c k s~

[missed you`]
at 8/18/2004 09:54:00 PM

[[ 275 dAys ]]

scho0l.
well~ scho0l's as usual. b o r e d. hahas. haiis~ just b0rred. kelly chew has g0t all the pr0blems in the w0rld wif sho0ters n me. tmll sure g0t pr0blem de. tt kelly pa0 t0u t0 lydia lee. tml i think die le bahs.. hhaas. well. hahas. was smiling and all th0se crap wif the upper sec guys. n0t bad larhs. guess the target of being frens wif them by end of yr can make it bahs.. hehes..

h0me.
g0t back h0me right aft scho0l. was b0rred. slackked. den sleep. all th0se kinda crap. chat wif dear online just n0w. kinda sad t0 n0e tt ur frens actuali badm0uth u behind ur back arhs?? haiis~ well.. aft i get t0 n0e tis. i dun deny tt i was heart-br0ken. yeahs, i br0ke int0 tears. silent tears. yeahs. can see tt things hasnt been g0ing well f0r me arhs?? hahas. haiis. f0rget it larhs. get use t0 it jiu ha0. hahas. things haf never been g0ing well f0r me once.. n0t even once.. life's fucked up.. i dun deny.. dunn0 why must i get t0 n0e all tis crap at tis p0int of time. hhas. life's kinda tough on me lehs.. hahas.. well. i reali dunn0 h0w i bring myself t0 haha-ing in my bl0g, on f0ne and all th0se crap. haiis~ well. u guys shld g0 see my msn nick n0w. haas. i hate myself no more. i hate my frens. dun expect me to trust any of u anymore. hahas. well. i used to think tt its owaes me not putting in enuff eff0rt tts why my frenship and stuff owaes cant w0rk out. but n0w i realised tt its n0t only my fault. well~ perhaps i've appeared t0 be flirty in fr0nt of u guys. but. well. haf u ever w0nder why? u guys haf never put urselves in my sh0es. if i cud mix well wif the gers, do u think i'll b0ther t0 g0 and make myself lo0k like a flirt and mix ardd wif the guys instead of the gers? and if u guys haf given me a chance to be frens wif u, do u think i'll res0rt t0 making m0re guy frens den ger frens?? n0! i wont. but since. things haf oreadi bc0m like tis. i reali haf n0 idea on h0w t0 c0ntinue t0 trust my frens.. tt small am0unt of frens i haf.. hahhas. i'm s0 pathetic arhs? hahas. well. n0w i reali hate my frens. u guys haf never given me a chance t0 be a part of ur life as being a fren. and u guys judge me just like tis with0ut understanding the situati0n. haiis~ f0rget it larhs. i'm reali tirred of getting my "true" frens t0 gif me a chance to be their true fren. reali tirred. and. m0st imptly, frens never judge u. but my frens d0es. hahas. f0rget it f0rget it. since i'm oreadi used t0 g0 t0 and fr0 al0ne. n0 harm travelling al0ne f0r an0ther few years. hahas. plus. i'm oreadi prepared tt i'll be al0ne without frens f0r an0ther few years. hahas.

well. was t0king abt the guy frens i've g0t wif dear just n0w. hahas. nearly quarrel. but n0pes. dear asked f0r cho0n kiat's number, but i didnt want t0 gif. bc0s. i didnt wanna drag him int0 the pic. its n0t go0d t0 be in dear's t0p ten hate list yeahs? hahas. m0reover, we're in c0ntact n0 m0re ler. s0, well. just f0rget abt it bahs. just bc0s cho0n kiat n0e tt i've g0t a b0ifren n he likes me den he've to be in dear's t0p ten hate list. nahs. n0t w0rth it. hahas. haiis~

well well well.. my mind's blank n0w. ive g0t n0 idea on wad i'm thinking and all s0. n0t feeling sad at all. just blank. hahas. perhaps i just g0t to0 used t0 all this kinda crap bahs. hahas. well. think g0nna g0 ler. wanna g0 p0m p0m den burn midnight oil. study chinese f0r tmll c0mm0n test. and d0 math assignment bahs. hahas. take care guys.

t a t a s ~

[missed you`]
at 8/18/2004 08:59:00 PM

Tuesday, August 17, 2004
just called dear. din t0k l0ng. f0r less than tt 5 minutes i guess. he was at h0ugang mall aft he bo0ked out. t0 think tt he cud meet me, he went there. but n0. i wasnt there. i'm s0rry. aft he hanged. i cudnt st0p crying. i reali cant. i tried wiping the tears away. but it comes back. i tried hiding my face under the pillow. but my pillow got wet. i just cudnt stop the tears. i reali feel very s0ur deep d0wn in my heart. i dunn0 wad has g0tten int0 me. i reali dunn0. things werent fine t0day. i t0t things were fine. but i guess i'm wr0ng once again. why?!?! i reali feel very sad.. i reali am very sad. i just needed t0 t0k. t0 feel tt i'm l0ved by s0meone i l0ve. but i cudnt even gif him a reas0n t0 c0ntinue the c0nversati0n. i dun fit t0 be in a relati0nship. i dunn0 h0w t0 sh0w all my care n l0ve t0 the one i l0ve. i'm a failure. i hate myself.

the sky's getting dark. i cud no longer see the sun, the moon, the stars, the white clouds and the rainbow. all i cud see is just tt whole patch of grey sky. i'm afraid of the dark. i dun wanna be alone. i need u.

are those wonderful n beautiful nites gonna end here? i dun wan it to end. i never wanted it to end. but wad's happening? wad's getting into me? why am i the one owaes causing all kind of troubles to tis relationship? wad am i trying to do? god. i need my answers. i reali dunno wad i'm gonna do in the next few days. i'm reali in need to pour out any and everything i've bottled up until now...

[missed you`]
at 8/17/2004 09:35:00 PM

[[ 274 dAys ]]

scho0l.
s i a n s. get tt? hahas. yupps. haiis~ scho0l t0day n0 fun at all. g0t l0tsa pr0blems. yupps. i wasnt in the best of mo0d. yet. there're s0 many crappy pr0blems. earli m0rn came t0 scho0l, c0py english h0mew0rk. den had english. was just an h0ur f0r slackking. den came physical educati0n. g0t changed int0 pe attire. while changing, my zip of the unif0rm stuck. g0t many pple helped me. and n0ra n haslinda managed t0 get it out f0r me. den. went f0r pe. an0ther peri0d just f0r slackking. went0 the basketball c0urt. guys had their napfa 5 stati0ns d0ne. the gers slackked ardd. at first, wenta ka jia0 the guys wh0 were having sit-ups and crap. den wenta t0k c0ck wif jiaha0 n tt npcc guy. they os0 having pe. den aft jiaha0's class fnsh, my class still haf 1/2 h0ur t0 spare. den came farliana jie's class. sit d0wn t0k t0k wif jie, sheena and an0ther of their classmate. yeahs. t0k abt me n him, abt jie and m0st funny. abt s0fia l0rhs. den jie g0 t0k t0 s0fia. den s0fia ap0l0gised. damn funny sia. den aft tt. came recess. recess s0 many pple came ard asking me wad's wr0ng. h0w c0me g0t taiji wif s0fia n gang. den explain explain explain all the crap. den s0fia was ap0l0gising t0 me thruout the wh0le recess l0rhs. felt irritated. den vincent came and get my number. gave him. he a sec one kidd0. hahas. well-liked by sec 2s. hahas. but nahs. n0t my kind. there w0nt be anything m0re than just frens btween me and him. hahas. well. i reali very jialat h0rs. haiis. well~ den g0t m0ther t0ngue n ge0g. felt like slping. less0ns were b0rring~ den had lunch. haiis~ s0 many pple ask me why g0t taiji wif them. all the crap. haiis~ i explain until i reali dulans l0rhs. haiis~ den g0t math n cme aft tt. haiis~ my wh0le class was warned n0t t0 wear ankle s0cks tmll. will be having sp0t check. haiis~ den aft scho0l. when i went d0wn t0 l0cker t0 l0ck my bo0k. samantha n s0 many others came asking wad's my pr0blem n s0. wad farliana wanna d0 n crap l0rhs. haiis~ wasnt in the mo0d t0 entertain tis kinda crap. i was reali shagged. s0 shag tt i just feel like slping in the classro0m f0r tt h0ur or 2 den g0 h0me aft tt. haiis~ aft all th0se crappy t0ks den i went h0me l0rhs.

h0me.
came h0me. sians. 2 h0urs al0ne. den went out t0 meet chrystle. wenta h0ugang mall den t0 c0mpass p0int. den slackked ardd den went h0me l0rhs. b0rred. haiis~ was w0ndering t0 get wad f0r the art pr0ject l0rhs. haben even d0 yet. sibeii sians. haiis~ came h0me. called dearr. he didnt pick up. he said he dun feel like t0king. well~ frm then on. my mo0d kinda get frm bad t0 w0rst. but f0rget it. haiis~ like i've said. i'm b0rned t0 be used by others. i dun haf a real fren wh0m i cud reali rely on. haiis~ wad i cud say. is tt i'm ill-fated. dun haf a go0d life bahs. yupps. kkies. den. haiis~ wad's w0rst was tt. my dad's g0nna c0nfiscate mua f0ne. haiis~ oversh0t again. i cant pay it myself. den fine. he's g0nna take it away fr0m me. haiis~ life with0ut f0ne is just like a b0dy with0ut a s0ul t0 me. haiis~ i'll feel s0 l0st man. haiis~ sians. think tis time will be seri0us bahs. f0ne will be c0nfiscated f0r a l0ng l0ng time. sians 1/2. haiis~ well. i reali l0st my mo0d. find everything s0 n0 p0int l0rhs. s0 decided n0t t0 t0uch my h0mew0rk. hahas. g0nna r0t n slack. well~ g0nna put the f0ne back bef0re they c0me h0me. `thanks mum f0r telling me where u place the f0ne.* hahas. kkies. tts abt it l0rhs. s0 guys. dun msg me le. until i msg u guys. i dun wanna see my f0ne being flo0ded wif msges. take care guys. muacks~

haiis~ reali feeling d0wn. perhaps. its time for me to learn some lessons. i've been too relaxed. and i've been taking things for granted all the while. its reali time for me to do some reflecting n so. gotta sort things out n organise my work properly. there isnt much time left for me to play. 1 m0nth and 26 days m0re i'm g0nna take my end-yr paper. tt sounds long. but it isnt. i've g0t n0 m0re time to fool ard. nothing shld affect me. any other things shld be placed aside by now. get serious ger. haiis~ darling. if there's anything troubling u or wad. please tell me. the way u are now reali hurts alot. haiis~ wad i cud say now is tt. do take care of urself. rmb not to skip any meals. and i miss u. i'll love u owaes. i dun wanna be without u. ("v")

[missed you`]
at 8/17/2004 08:05:00 PM

[[ 274 dAys ]]

yesterdAy.

scho0l`
hahas.. well~ fun day.. did l0tsa v0lunteery w0rk yeahs?? earli m0rn v0lunteer t0 sweep flo0r.. den ge0g help tcher c0py things on b0ard t0 let them c0py.. hahas.. all kinda crap larhs.. hahas.. fun fun fun.. but was a little tirred as well.. guess my st0red energy will be used up so0n.. ahas.. think t0nite n0 m0re.. t0nite needa charge my battery.. hahas..

h0me`
came h0me aft tt stupid dnt extra w0rk.. den slackked.. use c0m.. eat.. slackked.. t0k on f0ne.. den 1830 went out.. met dearr at ardd my area.. slackked.. t0k t0k.. hahas.. den dearr t0day still say i very very sweet w0rrs.. kekes.. den g0 haf a drink and s0.. den lidat l0rhs.. den he send me back at 2100 lidat.. yupps.. den he went h0me.. he tmll still haf t0 rep0rt t0 camp lehs.. hahas.. yupps~ den slackked.. called aiai.. t0k t0 her.. c0ns0led her.. did all kinda crap l0rhs.. yupps.. watch tv sh0w.. t0k t0 dearr awhile.. den n0w c0me use c0m.. hahas.. yupps.. g0nna g0 so0n as well.. g0nna g0 pack my stuff n orh orh lia0s.. btH lerr.. cann0t t0ng ler.. hhas.. i old lerr.. hahas.. well.. g0nna pack my bag lerr.. den g0 wash up.. den orh orh.. go find darling in dream land.. hahas.. mishh you guys.. muackies~ slp tite tite =)

darling, i miss u.. rest well okies?? sad to see u having problems wif ur stomach n so.. hate to see u having ur chest hurts.. haiis.. must take care of urself worrs.. ur gerger loves u lots de.. dun wanna lose u.. reali.. muacks~

[missed you`]
at 8/17/2004 12:11:00 AM

Sunday, August 15, 2004
[[ 272 dAys ]]

well~ its an0ther b0ring sunday.. n0thing strange abt having a b0ring sunday f0r me anym0re.. hahas.. hmm.. tmll's g0t scho0l.. b0rred.. guess its just an0ther day f0r slping.. hahas.. there's ge0g.. there shld be test tmll.. sians.. haben study sia.. sure b0und t0 fail de.. hahas.. but nevermind.. i'm glad tt at least i'll put in my eff0rt t0 study hard when the seri0us ones c0me...

kkies.. enuff of crap.. was r0tting at h0me the wh0le day.. w0ke up, watched prince of tennis.. slackked.. den watch h0ng k0ng serial.. den eat.. d0 math assignmentS.. den slackked.. t0k on f0ne, use c0m and crapp.. den watch ndp parade.. repeated de.. hahas.. den t0k to dearr.. slackked.. tok tok tok.. slackk slackk slackk.. den eat dinner.. while eating dinner.. which was ab0ut 2000hrs.. saw the firew0rks again.. s0 nice!! tis time it lasted l0nger.. it lasted f0r ab0ut 10 mins odd.. on nati0nal day sh0rter sia.. haiis~ hmmm.. was w0ndering why the hell there's firew0rks t0nite.. still dunn0 why.. hahas.. aft dinner, walked ardd.. den t0k t0 dearr.. t0k awhile, hang up.. t0k awhile hang up.. den finally t0k pr0perly f0r ab0ut 1/2 hr.. den he wenta slp.. he was tirred.. reali tirred.. yupps.. and he still has t0 return t0 tek0ng tmll.. s0.. well~ let him slp.. bef0re he slp, he t0ld me s0 many things which scare me.. haiis~ but n0 matter wad, i'm still glad things went well f0r us ytd.. h0ping tt our everyday will be like our yesterday.. s0 r0mantic?? s0 fun!! s0 enj0yable.. i was reali happy.. finally.. aft s0 l0ng.. i was finally able t0 be reali happy.. =)

well~ aft s0me l0ng l0ng th0ughts.. i decide t0.. t0 let everything a little lo0ser.. as in.. well.. i guess i might be to0 tight on him.. i've restricted him to0 much.. being a bird f0r the past 3 years odd.. he've n0w finally f0und an 0wner.. he then had t0 change everything f0r his 0wner.. definitely, he'll feel weird n s0.. kkies.. wad i'm trying t0 say here ish tt.. he've been as free as a bird f0r the past 3 years odd.. n0w he've f0und me, and had all th0se restricti0ns which changed his life.. he might n0t be able t0 adapt t0 it.. i dun blame him and i w0nt blame him.. instead.. i'm blaming myself.. f0r n0t being understanding enuff.. haiis~ yupps.. s0.. i've decided t0 let him haf back his "freed0m" i wud say.. yupps.. i wudnt b0ther as much ler.. but tt d0esnt mean tt i l0ve him n0 m0re.. at times, mayb i wud still like t0 haf a say in whatever he's d0ing tt i'm n0t happy abt, but i'll c0ntr0l myself n refrain myself frm saying anything.. f0r.. i reali wan him t0 d0 wadever tt makes him happy.. cushh i blief tt.. life ish sh0rt.. everyone shld cherish every little m0ment they are given.. they will never n0e when they are leaving tis beautiful w0rld where they met their l0ve ones.. every m0ment they lived shld be cherish.. they shld live life happily.. s0.. well~ wadever he ch0se t0 d0, i guess tts wad he enj0ys d0ing.. s0.. fr0m n0w on.. i guess i'll haf tis mindset.. i reali l0ve him al0t.. i just wan him t0 be happy.. i guess i've g0t the hang of it lerr.. i oreadi start t0 refrain myself fr0m st0pping him fr0m d0ing anything he wans t0.. mayb at times i'll feel a little uneasy deep d0wn in my heart, but i'll gif in de.. dun w0rry.. f0r my l0ve, there's nth i w0nt d0 f0r u, there's n0where i w0nt g0 f0r u.....

well~ tts all i've g0tta say f0r t0nite.. reali trying very hard t0 adapt t0 everything i've ch0se t0 d0.. i'm trying.. and i'll c0ntinue t0 try.. go0d nites.. sweet dreams.. slp tite.. rest well.. d0 take care.. missh ya.. muackies~

i reali love you alot.. i just wan you to be happy..

[missed you`]
at 8/15/2004 11:09:00 PM

[[ 272 dAys ]]

haiiyers~ i hate sundays.. sundays are b0ring.. n0 life.. hahas.. well.. had been trying to change my layout for the past h0ur.. but.. haahs~ was just to0 pissed.. t0day's n0t my day.. yeahs?? hmm.. slept cl0se t0 3am tis m0rning.. w0ke up 9 plus 10 den watch carto0n.. hahas.. tt sh0w nice lehs.. prince of tennis.. muahahs.. den eat eat.. did math assignments.. den slackked.. den c0me use c0m lerr.. b0rred.. mummy ask me h0w c0me i s0 guai.. neber g0 out.. hahas.. t0ld her i've g0t n0where t0 g0.. n0 one t0 g0 out wif.. ahahs~ hmm.. wad t0 d0?? n0w 1600 lerr.. i'm b0rred~ n0 one msg me.. n0 one call me t0k t0k.. sians sia.. haiis~ n0w watching ndp parade repeat.. stupidd sia.. hhaas.. hmm.. wad can i d0?? t0nite g0t nice sh0w.. but n0t n0w.. wad can i d0 f0r n0w?? i'm r0tting lerr.. den n0w raining s0 heavily.. actuali th0t of g0ing c0mpass p0int slackked awhile al0ne de.. at least g0t s0mewhere t0 g0.. g0t things t0 lo0k at.. haiis~ den raining.. sibeii sians sia.. hmm.. trying t0 change my layout.. trying t0 put in pictures.. but difficult nehs.. haiis~ whenever i g0t time, g0t nth t0 d0.. g0t n0 time, but g0t s0 many things wanna d0.. hahahs.. hmm.. w0ndering's wad dearr's d0ing n0w.. gif him a call later?? hahas.. i think i'm g0nna r0t or d0 my nails or d0 s0me cleaning up or sth lidat.. i'm b0rred!! haiis~ i'll never like sundays.. hahas~ hmmm.. i suddenly wanna eat ice-cream or ch0c0lates.. hahas.. hmm... b0rred larhs.. well~ think i'm g0ing off lerr.. wanna g0 die lerr.. g0 lo0k thru my f0nebo0k.. see can call wh0 tok tok.. hahas.. reali h0ping tt time will pass faster.. but i dun wan scho0l.. hahas.. bubbuais w0rs.. BORED!!

[missed you`]
at 8/15/2004 04:06:00 PM

Saturday, August 14, 2004
[[ 271 dAys ]]

well well~ t0day's a saturday.. hahhas.. earli m0rn had napfa 2.4km run.. came in 74 in abt 120 odd pple?? ahahas.. i'm l0usy.. had a very bad st0machache aft the run.. sadden.. den rest at the red cr0ss b0oth f0r abt an h0ur plus den went off.. in between.. made frens wif my scho0l de npcc guy.. funny sia.. yupps.. he's malay, but hate malay.. hahhas.. hmm.. t0day's the funniest part tt happen in scho0l was tt.. at the scho0l bus st0p where i owaes wait f0r bus f0r, there came these 5 sec tw0 gers frm NORMAL TECHNICAL.. hahas.. kkies.. they were bitching abt me and cris.. s0.. when they walked past, i screamed and sc0lded them five al0ne.. aft tt, i never kena dia0 by any of them le.. hhas.. well.. den i went h0me l0rhs.. den g0t h0me at abt 1100am?? yupps..

rested f0r awhile.. slackked.. helped da jie out wif her things.. use c0m.. slackked.. den went out lerr..

met dearr at bus interchange at ab0ut 2pm plus bahs.. hhas.. firstly, i've g0t n0 idea on where t0 g0.. den wenta tampines.. slackked.. eat.. den watched twin effects 2.. nice nice sh0w.. recc0mended.. hahas.. hmm.. aft watching m0vie, slackked awhile m0re at tampines mall den walked back t0 pasir ris t0wn park t0 find deshun n linkin.. yupps.. den they play awhile da la0 er, den dearr sent me h0me ler l0rhs.. yupps.. st0mach hurts sia... cann0t tahan.. hhahas..

t0day was a fun day.. reali fun n exciting cum enjoyable de.. hahas.. f0r the first time, i became the boifren n dearr bcame the gerfren.. hahas.. fo0d and everything, he gave me m0ney n lidat l0rhs.. yupps.. hahas.. i'm reali looking forward for many many m0re of tis kinda outings.. hhaas.. s0 carefree sia.. muahahs..

yupps.. tts abt it lorhs.. was quarreling wif dearr for the past days.. haiis~ do take care worrs.. miss ya.. muacks..

[missed you`]
at 8/14/2004 11:55:00 PM

Friday, August 13, 2004
[[ 270 dAys. ]]

well well.. just fnsh bathing nia.. hahas.. kkies..

scho0l on 120804.
b0rred.. hahahs.. wasnt in the mood to entertain anyone.. due to the lost of sleep.. hahhas.. din slp the whole nite.. s0rta quarrelled wif dearr. yups.. den had common test today.. well.. once i fnsh doing.. i slp.. as in fell aslp.. hahhas.. was reali shag.. yupps.. wasnt in the mood to entertain anyone lorhs..

aft scho0l on 120804.
wenta pasir ris town park pond to find dearr n deshun.. well.. dearr was damn pissed wif me.. haiis~ forget it larhs.. tis kinda things.. hahas.. both were at fault.. so.. i kept my mouth shut.. told deshun wadever i've kept to myself for some time.. yupps.. ytd.. dearr was acting rashly.. well.. he wanted to break at midnite 3 plus lorhs.. but awhile later he say he take back all his words.. but noeing wadever his reasons are, den i felt a little touched?? haiis.. tts abt it lorhs.. den went back at 1700..

h0me.
slept like a pig.. was reali shag.. woke up, tok tok on fone.. eat.. den just fnsh bathing lorhs.. haiis.. sat meeting dearr to sort out things.. hope nth will go wrong lorhs.. haiis.. so saddening huhs?? haiis.. well... jie wanna use lerr.. gonna go off den.. bubbuais~ sleep earli worrs..

[missed you`]
at 8/13/2004 12:09:00 AM

Wednesday, August 11, 2004
[[ 268 dAys. sAd. ]]

scho0l.
well.. today ish school reopen first day.. kinda sians of going to school oreadi.. hahhas.. but well.. i'm no longer in my hols mood.. but whenever one idiot disturb me and make me feel sians, i'll den haf no mood for the rest of the subjects.. hahhs.. kkies.. today actuali dearr coming fetch me frm school de.. very enthu sia.. but.. well~ things will never once go well for me.. the god ish unhappy wif me tis few days or even weeks bahs.. hahahs.. dear's mummy was pissed wif him going out everyday and coming home late at nite.. den he cant come out.. den dearr cant fetch me.. hahas.. well~ forget it den.. hahas.. i'm used to all tis le.. not much difference ish made in my life aftall.. mood was lousy aft i noe tt.. hahahs.. well~ aiai closed her tongue hole.. wah sehs.. i think her dad reali print money one lorhs.. she spent $94 for a bloody piercing den pierce for only 3 days odd.. den close it.. den today she eat very xin ku lidat.. hahhas.. i fnsh eating she still left one big plate sia.. hahash... btH.. haiis.. well.. of all lessons today, i prefer pc.. was able to write down all our problems.. well~ i didnt write all.. but wrote those main problems.. was reali very frustrated for the past god noes how long.. hahas.. school ends.. den went back lorhs..

overaLl.
haiis~ overall.. i dun feel happy.. i just feel like crying.. crying out loud.. reali wanna cry out loud.. its been god noes how long since i yearn for someone whom i cud reali trust to share my problems wif.. one came.. but sadly.. i've gotta leave her.. den.. he came.. he lighted up my life for quite some time.. but.. same thing.. sadly.. so very sadly.. we both cudnt contact.. now.. i'm all alone again.. everyone left me bottling up my own problems.. i dun seems to be whoever's fren.. it dun seems tt i belong to anyone.. i feel so lonely.. wanted to ask a fren out oso so difficult.. i look thru my fonebook which contains abt 100 odd fone numbers.. but.. so sadly.. i cant find anyone.. not even one person.. there are pple who are owaes there waiting for me to call them out.. but i cant.. well.. i guessi'm fated to be alone.. come home.. called dearr.. tot i cud share my problems wif him.. but well.. since he's out wif deshun fishing, den i didnt tok much.. well~ at least i noe tt he's happy aft catching a fish.. i dunno how i bring myself to smile.. to laugh.. but there's no other way i can hide how i'm actuali feeling.. like wad i've said the other time, wad matters is just to see ur love one happy.. the others doesnt matter at all.. i dunno how many years i've been like tis.. i reali dunno.. if i've the choice btween now and the past, i rather not noe anyone i noe now and stay in the past and be a kid for all my life.. no one noes exactly how i'm feeling.. i'm so so so very sad.. i wanna cry, but i cant.. for i'm afraid i'll make others worry.. but.. wads the use of crying?? crying stops the pain temporarily.. but it wont stop the pain for life.. well.. gonna go get a bath.. and cry out loud at the same time.. i'm reli very irritated.. gonna get back my mood before i go out to celebrate mummy's bdae.. take care guys.. bubbuais~

there's never once i'm reali happy.. wadever cud wash away my problems were of no use.. they wash away my problems for a day or two, and the problem remains aft tt.. there's no one who reali truly cares for me.. i no longer cud trust anyone.. all of u hurt me like i've got no life.. why??! why u guys haf to hurt me?? dun i worth being a part, a small little tiny part in ur lives?? do u guys truly noe how hurt i am?? when u guys need me, when u guys call me out, i hardly say no.. i owaes gif all i can to my frens.. but wad do i get in return?? no one ever takes me into consideration.. i'm just some soft toy whom can show u guys all the care u need when u guys need me.. and i'm just sitting down there dead when u guys dun need me.. wad is tis?? i reali haf no idea.. wad am i actuali to u guys?? fine.. i guess its time i shall go MIA for some time.. i'm reali tirred wif every day passing by.. no one day i can actuali feel tt i belong to any of u guys.. if hurting me cud make u guys happy, go on den.. i reali haf nth to say.. all i cud say is tt.. never once in my life i haf just one person who truly love me, care for me for who i reali am.. u guys treat me as wad, i myself dunno.. and i guess i dun wanna noe.. i had enuff.. i dun wanna be hurt anymore..

hApPy birThdAy muMmY~ happy owaes worrs~

[missed you`]
at 8/11/2004 05:23:00 PM

Tuesday, August 10, 2004
[[ 267 dAys. ]]

well~ just came back yeahs? i mean.. was back home abt an hour ago bahs.. yeahs.. was out wif dear, fatt, linkin, deshun and michael?? yarhs.. wenta fishing.. yeahs.. fishing.. hahas~ never hear tt i went fishing before bahs.. ahhas.. well.. at times haf to gif in to dear de lorhs.. so.. just went there, sat ard.. look ard.. disturb disturb abit here and there.. den went home at abt 2100 plus lorhs.. yarhs.. hmm.. i wont deny tt i was a little borred.. well~ aftall, fishing's not wad i'm interested in ya noe.. hahhas~ kkies.. hmm.. yups.. now i'm rotting at home.. feeling a little borred now.. hahhas.. hmm.. dear's still not home yet.. he's now wif linkin and siti.. siti, a new ger we've known thru deshun.. yups.. dearr's gonna be home before 0030.. well.. gonna wait for him to get home before i go sleep.. but he just called me to inform me and to ask me to sleep earli.. well~ but think tonite cant slp lehs~ hahahs.. dunno why larhs.. and best part.. i still haben fnsh my work yet.. bleahs~ hahhas.. wo0~ now feeling a little happy yeahs?? hahas.. gu0qiang msged me.. hahhas~ co0l.. hahhas.. fine.. stop toking abt him.. well.. think gonna go ler lorhs.. hahhas.. go do work.. slackk ardd.. msg msg.. can sleep go sleep.. cannot sleep den hahhas.. watch vcds!!! hahhas.. i haf the sudden craze of watching meteor garden.. well~ dunno why.. just wanna cry out loud lorhs.. u noe.. its like.. i cant possibly cry out loud suddenly rites?? at least when i cry when watching vcds, there's a reason for me to cry lorhs.. at least i dun haf to let my parents worry.. and at least, they'll think tt there's nth troubling me.. well.. i dun wish to let anyone to noe tt i'm troubled lorhs.. i'll haf a very hard time to explain wad's going on ya noe.. hahhas.. and of cos.. i dun wanna cry infront of anyone.. well.. perhaps i'm just used to be alone whenever i'm upset bahs.. hahhas.. well well.. i've dragged tis entry huhs?? hahhas.. reali gotta go liao le larhs.. go do homework le.. hahhas~ if not, norlizah gonna punish me le.. muahahas.. kkies.. sleep earli guys.. take care yeahs?? muacks~

[missed you`]
at 8/10/2004 10:53:00 PM

[[ aN jinG - jAy cHoU ]]

zhi sheng xia gang qin pei wo tan le yi tian.
shui zhao de da ti qin.
an jing de jiu jiu de.
wo xiang ni yi biao xian de fei chang ming bai.
wo dong wo ye zhi dao.
ni mei you she bu de.
ni shuo ni ye hui nan guo wo bu xiang xin.
qian zhe ni pei zhe wo ye zhi shi ceng jing.
xi wang ta shi zhen de bi wo hai yao ai ni.
wo cai hui bi zi ji li kai.

ni yao wo shuo duo nan kan.
wo gen ben bu xiang fen kai.
wei shen me hai yao wo yong wei xiao lai dai guo.
wo mei you zhe zhong tian fen.
bao rong ni ye jie shou ta.
bu yong dan xin de tai duo.
wo hui yi zhi hao hao guo.
ni yi jing yuan yuan li kai.
wo ye hui man man zou kai.
wei shen me wo lian fen kai dou qian jiu zhe ni.
wo zhen de mei you tian fen.
an jing de mei zhe me kuai.
wo hui xue zhe fang qi ni.
shi ying wei wo tai ai ni.

*an jing, a song tt reminds me of thousand and millions of memories.. frm happy to sad.. and sad to happy.. so much of memories, i wudnt wanna let them go.. for memories are the best gifts one can ever recieve..

[[well.. tis song.. reali reminds me lots of memories.. of me and my frens.. and of cos, me and my dearr.. frm us, being frens to us being each other's love.. lotsa memories huh?? but dunno why.. how i'm feeling now ish all clearly written in the song's lyrics.. the beat, the tempo of tis song is so slow, so sad.. the lyrics seems to haf no meaning.. but it clearly stated how i'm feeling.. haiis~ i'm reali far too emotional huhs? hahhas.. haiis~ before i blog today's entry.. i wenta read my previous blog entries.. frm the first entry which is in february until yesterday's entry.. as i read yesterday's entry, strings of water rolled of my face.. making me look like a red monster again.. knowing how harsh i've been.. how harsh i wanna be.. makes me wanna cry.. does he deserve all these?? i asked myself.. haiis~ most of them were entries filled with sadness.. i den realised.. its time i gotta make the best out of my life.. tis is the period i must bring myself thru all obstacles i'm gonna faced in my future life.. i cant continue my life with sadness anymore.. i shall be who i used to be.. i shall be the happy me.. no longer tt emotional me.. its time i gotta learn to be more matured.. to lead a life i owaes wan to lead.....]]

just a simple reminder...
when you love someone, you want the person to be happy no matter how much it breaks your heart.. ("v")

[missed you`]
at 8/10/2004 11:43:00 AM

Monday, August 09, 2004
muahahas~ just blogged to tell u guys how fortunate i am.. hahahs~ frm mua hse, i can actuali see the fireworks.. its not abit bit of the fireworks.. but.. the whole thing worrs.. so nice nice man.. hehes~ see those fireworks do brighten my nite a little.. hahhs~ tis is not bad a national day for me.. well.. gonna go den.. go find things to bite on.. hhahas~ nites nites.. hapPy nati0nal dAy w0rs~

[missed you`]
at 8/09/2004 08:04:00 PM

[[ 266 dAys. ]]

Happy National Day!!

265th dAy.
yesterday. 08082004. well~ i guess i shldnt go into details.. but i noe i surely cant help it and go into all those details.. tot and hoping tt ytd wud be a nice day.. but.. well.. i guess i'm just fated.. fated to haf such lousy luck.. in short, ytd sucks.. i dunno why.. i cudnt help thinking.. i myself dunno wad's so wrong wif me.. liking to find troubles for myself.. and others.. i'm such a bitch.. yeahs.. very bitch hors? everytime nth to do only find problems for others.. when i first met him.. things went quite well.. nth went wrong lorhs.. den dear's so pissed abt the movie we've watched.. suggested by fatt.. den aft tt.. we wenta white sands.. slackk at the arcade.. and stuff.. den headed down to pasir ris town park.. to meet de shun n siti.. siti ish a mixed larhs.. same as dearr.. everything half half de.. den tok tok lorhs. she oso say i dun look like a 13.. hahhas.. fine.. i looked real old.. dun i? hahhas.. kkies.. den tok tok.. den at abt 0100 lidat me and dearr walked to pasir ris beach lorhs.. wow.. singaporeans super sporting sia.. the beach was so packed.. wif tents, slping bags and those kinda stuff.. big big families were seen over there.. when i saw tt sight, i was so jealous man.. why they cud spend time wif their family members so well.. its like.. kkies.. why they can spend time happily together but just not my family.. haiis~ kkies.. den came to a point, we saw tis place by the beach, so we decided to sit down.. slackked.. tok tok.. the feeling was so great man.. imagine tis.. the wind blows, den u're able to lie on ur love's lap and close ur eyes for awhile.. listen to the wave.. den.. reali very comfortable lorhs.. den abt 0330 den go back find de shun, linkin and siti.. den everything start again.. mua mood swing.. i dunno why.. but just felt like keeping my mouth shut.. and be alone.. den all the way frm the pond, to the kopitiam i didnt tok to dear much.. we were sorta in cold war.. den they tok tok.. i keep quiet.. den at times, just tok some crap.. den at 0700 i wanna go home.. den dear took me home in cab lorhs.. den i reach home kinda fast.. he tot i went home... but i didnt.. i walked ard my area.. den lidat lorhs.. abt an hour later den i got home.. den lidat lorhs.. den for the rest of the day didnt hear frm him lorhs.. until 1700 he miss call me.. den i call back lorhs.. den everything just went like tis lorhs..

now, at home.. i oso dunno wad i'm doing.. just slackking ard.. using com.. listening to those songs which can make me sob.. reali needa cry now.. but.. no.. i cant.. pple at mua hse will think tt i'm a crazy little fellow.. so.. well.. gonna cry in my heart.. instead of crying out loud.. i guess some time soon i'll go crazy man.. hahs~

[[to dearr: well.. i reali haf no idea on wad's going on.. i'm sick and tirred.. of so many things.. why haf i been treating u like tis?? perhaps its just bcos i no longer wanna bother much bahs.. or i've oreadi didnt bother much?? well~ i myself oso not very sure.. but i only wanna tell u tt.. i didnt mean to treat u tt way.. cushh.. it hurts me so much to treat u tt way.. u think i like treating u tt way?? NO!! i dun.. do u noe tt my heart cries whenever i treat u so badly?? no.. i guess u dunno.. do u noe tt my heart cries, making me wanna cry out so badly when i say those things tt upset u?? no.. i guess u dunno it as well.. i didnt want to treat u tt wway.. i reali didnt wan to.. but..... i haf to.. u might ask why did i haf to say tt i haf to.. lemme tell u.. u asked me why i had the sudden change in me.. why haf i treated u so differently frm before.. kkies.. its all bcos.. the more i care, the more i got hurt.. did u notice tt den?? i guess u didnt.. well.. aft i tell u.. i guess u'll just tell me tt, its oreadi the past, why cant i just put it behind us.. but.. how many times must i repeat myself and tell u guys tt im those who will forgive but never forget??!?! at the beginning, when everything went so well, i've got no doubts of ur love for me.. slowly, when aft u accidentally told me abt u and natasha.. didnt u notice tt the way i treated u had oreadi changed a little?? perhaps the change was too small tt u cant notice it.. den slowly.. it was urs and jacqueline's matter.. den i slowly had changed so much tt i even lied to u, wenta meet other guys bhind ur back?? rmbered tt?? well~ tt time, u scolded me.. i just had to keep my mouth shut.. just let u scold all u like.. den it came back to natasha's matter.. u told me everything at tt tampines park connector?? all of a sudden.. i dunno how i made u think of her.. or mayb she's just on ur mind owaes.. tt lead u to telling me everything at tt point of time bahs.. well.. wadever it is.. do u noe tt i'm very very hurt when u tok of her tt time?? u once promised me tt u'll never tok of her again.. but... fine.. u did tt.. wad can i do?? nothing.. i just kept my mouth shut n listen throughout.. kkies.. den aft tt day.. didnt u notice tt i've bcome worst den ever?? so many things went wrong aft tt.. didnt u notice?? den came liwen.. aft u told me tt liwen has asked u abt how u think of the relationship btween u and her.. and she told u tt she doesnt just wanna be frens wif u.. i began to worry.. aft times and times u told me.. i still haf tt doubt in both u and her.. she seems to be sucha big threaten to me.. she cares for u so much.. and yeahs.. in return.. u care for her lots too.. den.. finally, came to tis day.. i reali am so tired.. so tired.. i decided tt i'll not bother abt u and other matter anymore.. cushh.. the more i care, the more hurt i got.. so.. ever since tt day, whenever i turned cold to u.. or had a sudden change of mood.. now u shld noe why le bahs~ den u just now told me tt.. u oso dun wanna bother abt how many guys i'm gonna msg.. u're not gonna bother much abt me anymore.. tt ish a very harsh decision u haf to make rite?? it took u lots and lots of time to decide on tis decision rites? when u said tt to me, ur heart felt so sour, so bitter tt u feel like crying rite?? well~ tts how i felt tt time when i decided not to bother abt ur matter anymore.. time to time when i'm out wif u, and caught u looking at other chio bus, i didnt say anything.. why?!? sometimes, i just felt like telling u off.. but.. well.. aft some long thoughts, i decided not to.. cushh.. the more i care, the more hurt i got.. so.. i decided to forget abt it.. well~ u still rmb a few days back when i was telling u how happy i am to see those handsome guys, and telling u how many new guy frens i've made in tt past week?? didnt u noticed tt i've changed?? i tok without thinking how u'll feel.. in the past, i will not tell u how many new guy frens i've made.. i will not tell u anything abt the handsome guys i've met outside.. but now, i told it all to u.. my purpose was not to make u jealous.. but to make u noe tt i no longer bother abt u.. wanting u to take me into some consideration, to haf some respect for me, to noe tt i do exists.. and most imptly, to let u noe how i actuali felt when u keep telling me abt ur other girlfrens.. to haf some respect for me and to take me into consideration and to noe tt i do exists as in not to look at chio bus when i'm around.. i dun gif it a damn if u go ard and get some chio bus number when u're out wif ur frens.. but please.. please noe tt i'm ard.. so dun go ard looking at chio bus.. u might tell me u're helping fatt to get some gers.. but please.. cant he do tt himself?? now i noe why u haf so many female frens.. now i den reali noe.. well.. i dunno wad to say oreadi.. now u shld noe why i chose to share wif my guy-frens den to share wif u bahs?? do u noe i hate to share wif them?? cushh they'll just ask me to break off wif u.. cushh frm their point of view, they dun think i deserve all tis.. tts why i hate to share wif them.. i'd like to share wif u so much.. but whenever i tot of sharing wif u.. the thought just disappear some time later.. cushh.. i sorta find it no point.. why i find it no point?!?! well~ cushh.. everytime, the same things happen, and u'll tell me the same old things over and over again.. not noticed tt i actuali felt more hurt than the previous time when the same situation happened.. in actual life, there's actuali no point sharing wif my guy-frens as well.. they are just like some walls to me.. just tok and tok non-stop.. and haf no replies.. i didnt want to take their suggestions into consideration.. cushh i blief u're worth my love.. well~ so wadever u've told me or asked me just now.. i've answered it all.. now.. u noe how i felt actuali?? if u still think tt its still my fault, den i guess.. well~ all my effort in trying to tell u has gone down the drain....]]

well.. gonna go den.. bubbuais~

[missed you`]
at 8/09/2004 07:52:00 PM